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I don't exist....

I never did.



Invisable until you needed me but I accepted that. From the moment we met I have coddles you and comforted you. From late night into early morning phone calls to holding you as you wept in your room.



I listen to every word. Saw your scars and tried to heal them. Read every word of every poem you have ever written. Poured my soul into yours in hope to give you strength. I protected you from the crass behavior of my other friends. Made them be on their best behavior when you were around. Went out of my way to shield you from creeps and stood up for you.



I even opened up myself to you once in awhile. Let you listen as I cried into the night. Told you my story and let you into my world.



But it was neve an even exchange.



You were to tired or depressed to help me when I reached out. I understood and shoved it down.



You moved away and I still woke up when you buzzed my phone. In the bleary hours before work or school I would forefit sleep to sooth you.



Months go by....I try to say hello and ask how you've been.



Nothing....



Then I get a message...you're going to attempt sucide tonight. That you love me but this is goodbye. I plead and beg you. Pouring out every word and every emotion and beg you to stay....but you didn't listen. My words held no sway for you batted them away so easily.



Days pass and I message you daily. Praying...hoping...for anything. Believing you to be dead....almost a week later...you tell me it failed and your home now...



I am relieved and hurt all at once.



Another month passes and nothing. I text and get nothing.....I cant do this anymore.



When I tell you this then I am the bad guy.....you yell at me for not trying hard enough. Tell me that you shouldn't of ever came to me that night....



Im hurt and angry...



Why dont I exist when you dont need me?

Why is it when I try to get away im sucked back in with guilt?



You are supposed to be my friend.....

This constant war between flesh and spirit goes a little something like this:



Dear Spirit;

Not only do you put me through eight hours of work each day; have to survive the dreaded foodening that is Fridays....you insist to do things such as fencing or like tonight....go walking during the lightening storm. Which I might like to add barefoot!

Now i've been good...only complaining here and there but we have another day ahead of us and its one am now. It's time to retire!



-The Body



----



Dear Body;

I spend my days toiling away crunching small numbers...remembering temps and amounts of food that goes here and there. Who works when and when I work what. It is a dull task....very dull. I go home and sleep to get you to shut up.....tomorrows my day off....shut up.....I want to stay up like a normal teen.



-The spirit



Shesh....what is a girl to do?

So I bake...a lot but as a person who enjoys the art of cooking I not tend to bake cookies...

Why?

Simply because I am not a cookie fan of any real sort.

I like cookie dough but not the actual baked cookies.

My boyfriend's parents on the other hand are cookie lovers. So in my attempt to wiggle myself further into their good graces agreed to make cookies....



Instead....they turned out to be scones...





WTH?



-_-



Cookies denied.....



Seems my dislike of the cookie has leveled up.

Damn good scones though...



=p

I'm not the type of person who lives nor thinks inside the box.....



I'm the type of person who stands outside the box and occasionally punts it to shake up the lives of those who dare to dwell inside.



B]

Today buses and buses of Army people came in today...some went to Mcdonalds but the line at my work was huge. They all seemed to be in rather high spirits which made the intense rush fun but then some dick decided to screw it up.



A bus driver.....decided that he was privvy to a free sandwich because of him being a driver. Which isn't the case what so ever. There was at least twenty soliders behind this jackass. We don't have a discount for soliders, though we should, and this man thought he was so high and mighty to get a free sub.... Hell no.



If anyone should get something free it's the sixty something soliders that came into Pilot Travel Center today. They go out and fight....you mr. driver sit on your ass.



Fuck you...and the high horse you rode in on.



XP

=/



Today an innocent man will be taken to jail to await his trial for a crime he didn't commit.



It's not just because of his personality that proves his side but his sexual preference that screams not guilty......this will haunt him for the rest of his life all because he pissed off the wrong people.

>/

I met my cousin on his death bed...already asleep for eternity....weeks later my sister came close to sharing his fate. My meeting with her could of followed in the shadowed footsteps of sorrow.....it still could....



Days pass on and life returns to normal only to awaken to a text telling me Good bye and that my friend loved me.....days pass and I recieve no word......today she responds letting me know she has failed at the hospital is releasing her....I have no words. A mere hour ago I recieve a text from another. In twenty four hours there will be a warrent for his arrest.....he is to sit in jail until his court date for a crime he didn't commit....



Of course....it's just his word against theres.....



how many more people will I lose? Why can't I stop this? My head is hallow and my blood on fire. My heart....it no longers seems to have the strength to beat; yet it does...yet I do...

My title is a bit misleading I must say......it's not so much a VS as just a basic list and comments upon both my work place and my play place.

Heh...play place.



Forgiveness is nessicary if you are going to read this....im tired yet can't sleep so my thoughts are a bit rampant and possible illogical to some degree. Which is fine due to the fact it makes perfect sense in my flawed logic.



I seem to be adapting to my new work related schedule quite well....well in my own opinion. There are some bumps along the way but I seem to be grasping the basics as I would hope anyone with some sort of semblance of intelligence would. I also have resumed my fencing practice which provides me with both a physical complexities and mental honing. Unlike heavy fighters I must fight by studying my sparring partner and both play offensive and defensive positions.....truthfully if I was on an even height of the heavy fighters (which they seem to be a daunting six foot and over) and possessed the strength that they do I would enjoy their sport.



But for now I an learning the art of fencing.

I am short but not equipped to be a fast person. Nor am I an agressive person. Defense is my bread and butter (so to speak) so I must use that to my advantage.



I also noticed today while flitting about my busy work that my movements in every day tasks mirror the pattern I note when at practice. I am unsure if this is a new trait I acquired from practice or it's my natural movements from my displeasure at comeing into physical contact with my fellow co-workers. Not that I find them displeasurable I actually enjoy the majority of thier company.



In fact.....I think I made a couple of new friends.



Hmmm.....this may prove to be quite a lovely little chapter in my life. Other than that....I think I should attempt to retire now. The mind is wiling but the body is weary and painfully pulseing.



Until later......



-Proxy

So I finally got a job after like three years since my last.

I am an offical Subway employee for Pilot travel center.......yes, it is a truck stop.



But dear god! They hired me during the foodening! (see invader zim for referance)



The last few days i've worked eight to nine hour shifts. Pretty much a crash course in subway ways while hordes of sub craving people crowd the lobby.



Today was the worst......

The line made it past put velvet ropes; past the movie shelf, past the drink station, past the hotdog cart and to the front doors.....



UGH!



But it's never a dull moment looking at the masses of bodies that grace these walls. Here's a small list of who and what I saw today:

-A huge floppy straw hat

-A woman in a bikini

-A teacup yorkee in a purse

-Scores of Indian people(this isn't racist it's just there seemed to be an increase of them today in our line.)

-A sequenced mickey mouse knee length dress

-A strange large leather pillow purse with fringes

-A nun



This is all I can remember off the top of my head. lawl



The nun threw me for a loop though. All of us just kinda stopped and stared in awe. My co-workers are intent on adopting her. hehe



Oh me oh my......my feet are pulsing as I lie here.