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You know after nineteen years of searching for ones father you'd think finding him would be more...fulfilling.



But instead you find exactly what your mother warned you about. A pompous jack ass who has sired six other kids other than you and treats them like shit. Now i've ranted about my sperm donor in earlier posts but my birthday was a few days ago. He knows I exist now in the town right next to his. He has my phone number and my home address. He also is on my facebook that you know tells you when someone birthday is......nothing.



Not a single word.



But my ex-stepfather; whom my mother has been divorced from for a few years ago and lives in an other state didnt forget. I get home from a long day with my boyfriend to find this very large box outside my door. Inside is several sweet gifts and a heartfelt card from my ex-stepfather.





I feel so guilty on so many levels. I have been advoiding contact with my ex-stepfather due to our less than pleasant past and here he is...trying to make it up to me. I feel like I have betrayed by seeking out my biological father and in turn was met with a pathetic shadow of a man who shares my DNA. I refused my step fathers last name because of the hope to meet my real father and now.....part of me wishes I would of chosen other wise. Im so angry at them both. Why does the one who sired me reject my existance and why does the one who did years of damage to my youth try for redemption?



Conflicted....

This song just came on my Ipod and it made me smile =]

-----------------



This was a triumph.

I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.



Aperture Science

We do what we must

because we can.



For the good of all of us.

Except the ones who are dead.





But there's no sense crying over every mistake.

You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

And the Science gets done.

And you make a neat gun.

For the people who are still alive.



I'm not even angry.

I'm being so sincere right now.

Even though you broke my heart.

And killed me.

And tore me to pieces.

And threw every piece into a fire.

As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!



Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

And we're out of beta.

We're releasing on time.

So I'm GLaD. I got burned.

Think of all the things we learned

for the people who are still alive.



Go ahead and leave me.

I think I prefer to stay inside.

Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.

Maybe Black Mesa

THAT WAS A JOKE.

HAHA. FAT CHANCE.

Anyway, this cake is great.

It's so delicious and moist.



Look at me still talking

when there's Science to do.

When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.





I've experiments to run.

There is research to be done.

On the people who are still alive.

And believe me I am still alive.

I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.

I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.

While you're dying I'll be still alive.

And when you're dead I will be still alive.

STILL ALIVE

STILL ALIVE