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Yes, I know it's been a while since I've been on here, and yes, there is a legit reason why I haven't. Mainly because I'm now working the night shift. Meaning I work from 10 at night to 7 in the morning, all the while everyone's asleep. In addition, I just quit the job I've had for about 18 months (for multiple reasons; will not get into those in this post) about 30 minutes ago. And I feel like I'm gonna hurl because of not getting enough sleep and getting used to a different sleeping pattern.



Okay, I know I said that I wasn't gonna get into the reasons why I quit, but I've gotta release it, or it's gonna eat at me until I do. So I'd rather do it now as opposed to suffering for it later, because that's how the universe works for me.



1 -- At my new job, I get paid more, and I have to opportunity to get even more than what I'm starting now, and working similar hours as my other job.

2 -- I would be killing myself slowly by constantly working at both places and trying to do it all without having time for myself, and getting things that I need and want to get done. Plus, as an employee, I would want to give it my 100% each and every time I go to work.

3 -- At my previous job, I've felt that I didn't really belong and that alone is a huge part of work culture. How can anyone work at fill-in-the-blank place, knowing that there are people there that verbally mistreat you by calling you outside of you name and singling you out and just in general giving you a hard time? I've been dealing with that for the entire length of time that I was there, and something had to give, and it was my drive to continue to take verbal abuse and still give service with a smile. No one should have to feel like that. No one deserves that.

4 -- I have more opportunities to move up at my current job, to be able to take charge of my life, I feel, and really move up the corporate ladder so to speak.



These are the many reasons why I decided to not work at my previous job. There's no going back now; forward and succeeding is my only option, and I won't take no for an answer. Right now, time and myself are my biggest enemies, and I must. pull. through.

Owww, my feet hurt.



I'll explain. I work 2 jobs, and one of them is for overnight stuff, like stocking, organizing, that sorta thing.



i'm sorry -- my brain is still fried from doing both jobs yesterday/today. I'm just trying to keep my eyes open, and figure out how I'm going to get to my first job and give my schedule there. I'm sure I'll figure something out with how to get to the bus stop on time or something. But for now, my feet are aching, and I've hardly eaten since about 12 hours ago maybe? Mostly from nerves (because nothing would be worse for me to be doing something -- anything -- and then just doubling over because my stomach hurts too much, or worse)



And then I realize how bad that sounds. I apologize.



But since I'm already up, I'll just head up to the mall now and take care of some business. And then go back to sleep or watch a movie, and then let it watch me, lol.

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Morrigon
02:29 Apr 26 2016

I hope you feel better soon :)

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Okay, I just got off of work, and am sitting at home watching TV. And I'm just thinking about my week so far, and that I'm glad I've made the proper steps, and all that jazz.



First,, lemme just say that I've got orientation at my new job tomorrow at noon. (Not telling you where, for confidentiality). The position is for the night shift, so I'll finally get the experience for working from night to morning, and actually being and feeling like I belong. Which is always a good feeling when you're doing something that's towards a goal with other people; in a way, it gives a sense of community, and we all get paid. Speaking of, I'll bee getting paid about a dollar more than what I'm doing now, and I could so so much more with that in the long run I'm talking about rent and bills, music,my channel, and even a better video camera (because mine's a bit dodgy lol). So my plan is to get up early tomorrow morning, get some exercise in, then catch the bus to my new job. Go to the orientation, probably dick around a bit until it's time for me to go to karaoke in the evening.



Oh, speaking of karaoke, I've other good news, which may involve a little explanation. I love to sing; it's an art form that only gets better at extracting and empathizing with the listener, to be more in tune to their emotions, and experiences. I have about a 4-octave range, from a2 to f#6 (if you have a keyboard, it'll be easier to illustrate how many notes i can sing). In addition, I can also do metal vocals, in English, some German, and Spanish. I do try to do more than just metal; I like to branch out and experiment with different genres and such.



Anyways, there was someone that heard me sing, and decided to (with my permission, of course) take a video and send it to someone he knows, who produces music, and works for and with people that do music. I was thrilled when I heard about it.



I guess what I'm trying to say in all of this is that, I'm just really excited about the idea that my life is coming together, and that I can finally make my parents (may they rest in peace), and my family, and myself proud. I wanna be able to look at this point in my life and go, "I've made it so far, and I'm not even finished yet."

I know I haven't been on herein a while, but I've been reading some new books lately, namely the ones that come to mind are The Metaphorical Suicide by Morgue (from the show Freakshow), and both Revelator books by William Control.



The Metaphorical Suicide (referred to as TMS for now on) is a philosophical book (NOTE: THE REFERENCES TO SUICIDE IS METAPHOR.) about becoming who you imagine yourself to be on the inside. Everyone has two versions of themselves; the one that they feel they imagine themselves to be like, and the one that displays what they actually are. It's very refreshing to see and to read something like this from someone in my age bracket (at lest, I hope), because it gets really lonesome and irritating to see that most, if not all, people in my age group act and expect and intereact in pretty much the same way. They live their lives in a very routine manner, even if they don't feel that they do. They go to school, to work, they put in their hours doing pointless, temporary things. They get married and spawn more people that will do the same, or, with some new perspective, crush the laws they love. They grow old and wither away and die.



That's not a a life that I wanna live. It's too bland and predictable. It would drive me to insanity to know that people want this for each other. It almost repulses me. But that's another story for another day.



The other books that I got are Revelator: The Neromancer, and Revelator: The Hate Culture, and I'm very very pleased to have gotten this int he mail. Not to give too much away, from what I gather, it's an autobiography. Now, I could be completely wrong, but that's how I'm reading this. If I'm right, then man, oh MAN, is this a deep story. I would've never thought that one of my favorite musicians went through some of the things that happened. It's kinda crazy how much shit a person goes through in order to be who they really are. Hell, I should know, and my story isn't even over yet. But is anyone's story REALLY over?



I think that the thing that really got to me about all the books that I've mentioned is the darkness and potential beauty about it. It does make me think about how we as people are attracted to things that are a darker nature. Is there anything wrong with that? No, not necessarily. I personally believe that there should be a balance between dark and light, to be able to appreciate one element by complementing another.



But I'll leave the contemplation for another time.

I'm very tired from my long day today. I'm still kinda brain-dead, but an hour or two of mind-numbing TV should help with that.



Now for my rambly bits.



There was this family fun night thing at my job, so of course all the families and those little brats were there, doing their mundane shit like dances and stuff. And it got me to thinking, "Why are people so subtly obsessed with being happy?" And that got me to thinking about that philosophical concept of dualism. Where not everything is all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorn queefs, but it's not all doom and gloom either. There must be a balance. And the issue with the modern day human is that they allow themselves to be brainwashed into believing that EVERY is happy all the time, and to feel any other emotion is a cultural taboo. With that being said, they invent these media to distract them from the possibility of any other emotion. It sets humans, mentally, to primitives.



Imagine being surrounded by hundreds of the same carbon copy, every day, with no reprieve, save knowing that you observe this and that you're alone in this fact. It's enough to drive me insane, and it pushes me to that jagged edge about 300 times a day -- that's probably not an exaggeration.



And what kills me probably the most out of anything that I see on a daily basis is the complete and utter complacency and selfishness that I see between people, and towards me (because I work within my local food court), and I'm just sick of it.



End rant. Or something like that.

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SisterShadow
04:09 Apr 16 2016

I just want to say I love your creative whimsy in your writing.

You also have a great point in that rant.

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I've recently posted a video on my channel, Cydonia X, that was a "getting to know you" kinda thing. I try to keep as honest of a delivery of a video as I possible can, no filters, no bull.



I was considering actually posting a haul video, but given the circumstances (being that I had the stuff WAY before I got the camera, and was too excited to wait to do the video), I didn't get around to it. And, again, with the not faking anything, it wouldn't seem right to me to post a video of something that I've already worn multiple times, only to then go, "Oooh, my new [fill in the blank] shirt!" You know?



Also, I do have plans on making a few projects; to name a few, makeup, hair, darkly inclined tags, book reviews, random weirdness (which should come naturally, lol) , regular ol' vlogging, random philosophical musings, and various other things. My goals for my channel is to just have fun, and to be more comfortable in front of a camera. I couldn't care less about money and recognition; I'd just do it bcos I always have a lot to say, so why not use an easily accessible format that others can use and see and share with and discuss?

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IndigoEquinox
04:53 Apr 15 2016

Oh, here's a link to my latest video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYi0LdwTcEg

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Dakotah
15:44 Apr 15 2016

I watched one of them. I like how you talk, your accent. You seem like a fun person. Someone I would hang out with in rl because you're fun. I mean that in a good way. Positive. Up-beat. I watched the one where you were going shopping.

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IndigoEquinox
16:29 Apr 15 2016

Aww, thank you!! ^_^ I'm still kinda awkward in front of the camera and having to hear myself talk to review the video (mainly because of my lisp). Maybe I'm just being hyper-critical of myself, but I do thank you for your watching!

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Dakotah
16:55 Apr 15 2016

We are our own worse judges. I watched the one out to do errands. You should go into broadcasting or something on that line. You are articulate.

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IndigoEquinox
04:12 Apr 16 2016

I really do appreciate your kind words; they mean a lot to me, especially in this day and age, when most people really care for themselves, so I do really mean that when I say thank you.



I have considered doing voice acting or voice-overs for stuff. Maybe some audiobooks. who knows, right? But the thing is, I don't have the best audio equipment, or soundproof barriers ot block any extaneous sounds, but it's hard to come by in Hell's Waiting Room -- that's my very small town in Florida, to the rest of the world.

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Yes, it's been a while since I've last posted a journal entry, but I have been dealing with just very undesirable people. And I feel that last night was the last straw, in a way. It's just the fact I deal with rude people on a regular basis, people with no regard for their fellow person, who just treat others like shit and think it's okay. And sometimes I'll joke and say, "This is why I don't leave my house," but I'm only half-joking. People, needless to say, can be assholes.



This isn't to say that EVERY person that I meet is like this; some are genuinely nice and look out for their fellow human, it's just those small group of people that really lower my expectations for humanity's survival.



I've been dealing with these thoughts in my mind for quite some time. It was only a matter of time that I put it to pen and paper -- erm, digits to keyboard, lol.



But, yeah, I've finally reached my limit. And I feel I may have reached it sometime earlier, but hadn't realized it. Sometimes I'll refer to people as humans, or if I'm pissed enough, meat bags. It drives me crazy to see how incredibly fickle, fragile, and painfully idiotic they can be. I wouldn't mind being a vampire or some otherworldly being; it already feels like I think like them. (maybe? in a way? who really knows?)



But that's all I have to talk about. If any other musings come along, I won't hesitate to post.

I just finished composing a poem i haven't done in a long, LONG time, called "Metamorphose." The vibe I was going with was of a hazy dreamlike state, where the vampire that bite this girl really likes her, and wants to show her what his world is like, on the dark side. I really hope you like it, people who view my poem.

I just finished composing a poem i haven't done in a long, LONG time, called "Metamorphose." The vibe I was going with was of a hazy dreamlike state, where the vampire that bite this girl really likes her, and wants to show her what his world is like, on the dark side. I really hope you like it, people who view my poem.

Well, hello *awkward wave* Umm, I'm Indigo, and I just started using this website, and I'm super interested as to what I can do as I progress. Who knows, right?



But umm, yeah, I've got myself a new book -- erm, an anthology about horror and gothic literature. Right off the bat, the first story was fucking amazing. It makes me wanna write a poem or something about it. Maybe I'll draw a little about it. Again, who knows?



But that's all I've got for tonight.



See you soon.



xxIndigoxx