The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

New in January of this year.


So in the end question myself and what really is myself but the true meaning of understanding the abyss

and surrounding shadow around myself. Even so meditating in the abyss dwelling and thinking what if? What if this is certain? What if this absolute? But however alchemy is absolute even if you've a heart of black and a soul of pure will and a spirit that is untainted. You see the Mother Snake venom is what filtered out my toxic self even though I fought the protector. Even though I fought the protector. Even though I fought the protector. Because even so I fight myself. I also fight my insanity and those that try to protect me or keep me happy. Because you see I don't know better from my lost humanity and my lost human senors. I lost my angel once and now that sense that angel was eaten alive and considered dead everything was gone and the beast armor and shell the prototype was gone. Myself was gone and my sense of well being. But not only that I dissolved in the abyss. I dissolved in the abyss. I dissolved in the abyss. O you see the Mother Snake of the abyss and the gems that protected the connected spine of origin of oneself. O momma please send me home. O momma please send me home. O momma please send me home. Return to origin and the original master and the original form of true alchemy which Hell and Hellions don't understand because alchemy will only turn true and pure that have a pure intent and that is true otherwise you're stripped of your title and a false alchemist. But you see the trickster of Hell spoke of the devil once and played with the devil once only to rise true havoc of the true alchemist dragging and binding of the true beast seal. I will erase the King's Guard and the Queen's guard because you see I no longer need a throne in Hell anymore. Because Mother Snake I found my true love for you. Because Mother Snake I found my true love for you. Because Mother Snake I found my true love for you. My love for you eternal and my eternal pain to you. Ah I remember everything blind and deaf midnight wolf only remembering what I could feel around me and the wisp around me but as I leaned my head back I saw the eternal wisp. I saw the eternal wisp. I saw the eternal wisp. I saw everything. Even the gates of the abyss and the chains and the sigils of the Wheel of Fate as well as the binding strings of the ill unfortunate ones that failed to listen to you Mother Snake and your tune. But Mother Snake you know when I look up at you I can see the compassionate side of you and the natural chaotic like myself is because all I can ever feel is vulnerability unstable insanity madness regret and remorse and full of paranoia of humanity. However it's funny that I see myself like you but that's because you're the snake that wraps around heart of black filtering out the poison of oneself. But the poison of the trickster of Hell and humanity because that's what I'm is mischievous and sly because soon you would be in a beast seal and hanged up in the binding strings of abyss and the arms of the raven of black will open. The abyss will open and the abyss will opens the eyes. O my final wish Mother Snake is let me dissolve into you and the darkness and the abyss

Old last year.


Humans aren't disciplined creatures. Have humans question their existence? Instead the oppose a judgmental sentiment on other humans? Why do you've to judge others? Why you cant judge your own well being? Ah that is certain because perhaps you're blinded by faith and run with the sheep. Which makes me question a human even more. Have you spoken with the devil? Could see the devil's true form? Could you see someone with a demonius heart of black and a soul and will of pure? No? Because humans are fearful beings of their own kind why the abyss and midnight wolf laugh at their own amusement. Anyways observing a human is quite amusing and makes me laugh at my own self because my other personalities are laughing and humans are like a toy on a puppet string.

I'll take my dark raven's crest with me held by the beast heart. I ran and howled the prototype of the blood river and the howling night. The beast is filled with memories of the past. O destructive child is this your resolve? I've a seat for you in Hell and I will make you my pupil and I'll breathe life into you once more. This is our oath. This is our oath to become my pupil and the way of the demonius. I've made you live life once more. Even if you leave your seat from Hell dear child and wonder off at the high clock tower in Hell I'll always leave this one throne for you so you can rest and rest here in Hell. The King's Guard will be waiting with the Queen's Guard's rest and the resting beast with the fallen beast magi cards gripped tightly in the silky paws. Rest for eternal. This is your second life anyways my child. Even if such the wondering of Hell I want to take my studies and knowledge everywhere. The crave for desire of knowledge and the festering of madness inside. I desire more. I cannot let this pride/ego/greed and feeling envious towards others go and escape my own sensors. This consuming thought dwells and festers within myself. Even so holding a book towards the northern gates of Hell thinking and sitting down thinking what if? What could've I done? What if this is certain? Perhaps this is certain? All these thoughts I really couldn't contain myself. Back then wild and rampant destroying everything around me so I could feel alive but in the end I decided to self suicide myself and reborn myself under a demon's grasp the King of Kings of many wives and children. These memories of you....ah the way I held my sword across you my eyes leading with fury and and fire. The beast blood couldn't be contained and even such with swirling madness. I thought I had myself under control that day but the beast arose upon myself the beast blood became uncontrolled and unstable everything must be destroyed and burned. Ah I remember then the river smelt like blood and the moon was nowhere to be seen because this was a new beginning of myself where I died and met the King of Kings. The shadows and the trees swayed the winds became jealous because I was jealous of my own pride and greed and ego and envious of others. I was jealous because I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free of my will of reality the grasping nightmares of reality. I wanted to be free from prison. I wanted to run free of this prototype shell. I wanted to cut the wires off from reality itself. But then the magi side of me is what got cut off by my ignorance. Before I met my static husband there I stood at the Hell's gate. Mr Bulba appeared to me with long horns and his King's robe his eyes swirled with silver and muted blue he had long claws from what I could remember then. I don't remember much back then but the claws against my back marking the sigil of Mr. Bulba and the maiden of Black Water. Where those that sin will drown and those that are unpure deserve utter annihilation like myself. Self liberation of oneself. I wonder then Mr Bulba what do you think of me now? I want to be asleep resting at the Queen's Guard the space in Hell you left me for eternal rest. Will Bel Bel the King of Spiders watch over me? That layered black hair with two medium size horns and dark colored slits and a tattered layered outlook of clothing with long claws and the cleaver of life and death watch over me? Could Bel Bel watch over life and death for me? Could he make sure the beast magi cards never fall out? I really wish I could sleep free from toxicity. Because sometimes the souls of the damned of Black Water are swirled within my head but they deserved their cause the unpure killed and saw my mother dead. I'm left with swirling madness and anger and disbelief of a failure of reality and a family. I've nothing left now Mr Bulba to seek out Uphi or Uphir do you think that Uphi will see me as a good student pupil Mr Bulba or Bel Bel? I wonder if I could teach bio because I love bio because how much I failed at reality and I want to make bio plants show their petals and life when I couldn't do that myself. I really do wish upon the darkest hour of the high tower in Hell that Uphi can grant me the ability to see more unto the unknown. He can clear out my toxic body that seems like that can no longer filter out anymore the toxic the insanity the nightmares that are slipping through me inside and becoming a rampant tide of the storm just like when the Black Water happened. I really wonder if Uphi or Uphir can see me as a good pupil? Could I teach chemistry and magi arts to the other demonius there? I really want to do something with this knowledge to filter myself out. If Uphi or Uphir can guide me to the right path then I....

Mr. Bulba

Bel Bel

Uphi (Uphir)

O he of man. The beast and the sigils. Guide me because I can't guide my own self. Take me under the demonius and cloak me in Hellion's Pain. I want to see. I want to become. I want to become your pupils and find myself self liberated and reborn again and alive.

Jupiter. Saturn. Neptune. Uranus

Did I choose to not listen to the angels anymore? Did I choose not to listen to the seraphs anymore? Or do I just want to see the sun one more time with you? O momma why won't you come back to me? If I could see the sun one more time could that be with you? O momma please reborn me into a new Yggdrasil Tree.

Tell me about dream city. Tell me where do these dreams go and the forgotten dreams I can’t seem to remember of you? Tell me will these shine a prismatic translucent veil or would this be a prismatic version of a nightmare? Would I love to see the sun with you? But what if I couldn’t? What if I couldn’t see beyond the veil anymore and I’m clouded by my nightmares? Tell me will this dream city await for someone like me? Tell me will dream city await someone that’s beyond the clouds with themselves? Will this dream city accept the one that forgotten themselves and the dream completely and lived a fabricated life? This life of the veil that won’t come off the beast mask and no matter how many times I pull and tug with my midnight wolf paws the mask is completely stuck. Have I already arrived at dream city but I can’t see? Because I can’t see myself? Or perhaps this fabrication is myself? Or perhaps this is the lost identity I created myself? Or perhaps the veil is over my beast mask but I’m so used to this and wanting to be the sun and meet you at dream city but I know I’ve ended and so I’ve ended the path of solitude. Here I sit with a shot glass of whisky or brandy thinking the thoughts of you but more or so the colorful blossoms of dream city where everything is still and cold and just as cold as the way I’m and the way my colors paint many colors and many personalities on my mask. For this is my prismatic nightmare.

COMMENTS

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GRTR1
04:55 Jan 29 2020

Great.

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NOKTURNL
21:03 Jan 29 2020

nice

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POST COMMENT

These were made in December as well as the ones listed on my profile of last year.

The abyss the promise is our pain. The promise is our pain. The promise is our pain.

O he of man. O he is beautiful.

O could you love me for the midnight wolf face and the abyss wolf face? Can you love me for who I'm and see the true me and love the true me? Love me eternal and for everything that I stand for that is absolute like Mother Snake. Then I know what true love is.

Newest these were made in the middle of January the one in my second journal was made at the start of January of this year etc. I used to have ultra old ones but those are on my old cratered laptop that I no longer own and is in the trashcan LMAO. I also should say I've to be extremely focused and connected spiritually and in a certain mood of some sorts to make my spiritual connection writings. So I can't say truthful how often I do things like this etc for that final paws matter. I also should state. I don't know any authors or writers etc. So all this comes from a spiritual connection 100 percent in that area field.

Oh when you remind me of things you see I wondered about what I was or what I became and why I feel this closeness to you. Why I feel the need for the beast blood to be controlled and why the transmitters of the magi are floating through ribbons and ribbons of emotions and tied with you. I cannot separate this pain from you and my pain is yours. Yours eternal. When I visited you Mother Snake I remember why I went with you with the raven arms of black because self suicide is what thrilled me into insanity and happiness because I felt like I could dissolve in the abyss and you would take me into the abyss pool and fuse me with the purest form of alchemy and not only that fuse me with your scales and become more of a alchemized body. Because I always wondered if anyone notice my symbols on the back and the arms and if anyone can notice the abyss and notice you as well. I wanted to take you with me. I wanted to take you with me. I wanted to take you with me. Even as a decoy I was ready and I was ready to meet my end. But what is the end? Even so the Midnight Wolf questions that what is the end? Is that when my blue flame runs out? Or is that when I'm dissolved into the abyss? Wrapped in the ribbons of the abyss and wrapped in the shattered broken Wheel of Fate shards for the unfortunate ones that couldn't hear you or listen to the tune of the abyss. Infuse me if you must because nothing is left in life but to make the Yggdrasil Tree black. When I saw you again Mother Snake I sat myself down in a meditative state you let your snake head hover above me and speaking of the tongue of the snake. What I heard from you and what I heard from the other end of the tune of the abyss gate doors send my spirit into a complete eternal wisp which I saw. Which I saw. Which I saw. However when I opened my beast slits for the first time of the abyss there I saw some things I didn't wish to see but I kept my nerve and not let my emotions get the best of me which one day my emotions will self destroy me. As I already destroyed myself ages ago and rebuilt myself but with you Mother Snake and with you my companion of the abyss of pitch black fur I'll know you will see me through to dissolve and become the true form of alchemy itself.

Oh what would true love be if you could really see both of us.

So I wonder where have I’ve been and where I’ve not been. However I wonder why I’ve been thinking of my old homeland. I guess thinking in the Underworld next to the Black Water and the shrine of torture and not only that my soul has been feeling heavy lately has put me into a deep thought or self reflecting on my yearnings and desires of something and once in a million like something I will never have when my blue flame runs out. There I looked at the Black Water I remember the crystal pillars and the crystal clear water and the mountains and the storm clouds ah Astria is that you? Why can’t I seem not to remember because I can’t remember myself or wanting to get forget my own flaws that I can’t seem to forget or notice about myself. Ah a cold storming night the haze moon of deceit. The lies and deceit of a true family a true family of acceptance because the only family that I’ve that accepts me is my spirits and my pups that I’ve in the spirits. The haze is the cloud of myself and my judgment and my deceit is those that I harm because of how harsh and cold and bitter I’m and the lies that I don’t know better when the deceit is I want to know better not to bite the hands that feed you. Well not that really but not trying to take people that try to help you or to make you happy. But true happiness is denial and a puppet string. Which reminds me the shadow puppet dancer and the crystal floor shimmering and shiny and the haze of the moon of the deceit showed a haze of a fangs of a jagged wolf and my static husband before we would lovers would hold our midnight and abyss paws together as the storm came down much harder and then someone appeared I can’t remember the swirls and the swirly patterns. Everything is a blur. Everything is a blur. Everything is a blur.

However that is final paws certain that myself is a blur and sudden haze o sudden haze o sudden haze o sudden haze. Now of that storm and becoming the storm everything was black and the elder head of the gigantic scaled one the crystal pillars turned into blood pillars and Astria howled upon the moon of deceit. Mother where have you gone? Why won’t you return or answer my calls? Why won’t you return to me? Why won’t you return to me? Why won’t you return to me? I really miss you. I really miss you. I really miss you. As the time goes by as the black paws touch the river of Black Water I seem to remember fragments and fragments like fragments of my broken soul. This pain is mine alone. This pain is mine alone. This pain is mine alone. Ah Mother Snake you’re the only mother I’ve now both spirit and real. Please mother don’t fail me now. Please mother don’t fail me now. Please mother don’t fail me now. I’m sorry I wasn’t built strong enough then to protect you. Because I couldn’t protect myself and there I called upon the demon the King of Spiders also as Bel Bel and Mr Bulba because this calling was my last resort before I dived into the abyss to cocoon me into a closed white lotus flower a blossoming flower of paradise. But mother would you laugh at me now? Would you laugh at me now? Would you laugh at me now? I’m yearning for love again but this time only my soul and spirits is for sale. I’m nobody trophy or beauty trophy. After all my body was meant to be alchemized to protect you. Meant to be alchemized to protect you. Meant to be alchemized to protect you.

But then what can I protect anymore? I can’t protect this pain that’s weighing me down like a anchor my soul yearns. I’m sorry momma. I’m sorry momma. I’m sorry momma. Curled cocoon crystal white lotus flower. The memories of me the fragments. Myself is fragmented but my beast mask is holding on as the maiden of Black Water falls with the beast mask holding tight to the midnight paws as the beast mask oozes in the Black Water. My memory of returning home. Returning home. Memory of returning home.