The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

how wicked can I be so lost and lifeless its like I am dead spiritualy and emotionaly praying for salvation the forgiveness of sins the healing of the sick trying to repent and turn to gods love and grace reading my bible and saying the same prayer over and over again forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one the vampire within me is changing traped and bound kept from arising but its there looking for a place in the light to rest and recover from the fall going through spiritual burnings hopeing for and easier softer way resoration of mind soul and body it hurts the wars fought over blood and nature a thirst and a hunger for pleasure satisfaction lust and all the carnal craveings of my life to restrain and abstain from such is so hard raised on sex drugs and rock n roll I have become an ugly monster crying for my soul to return my purity all that is sacred to me now the blood the life force of truth and beauty I seek the vampire within he is there sleeping in death and darkness needing to feed rejected for his mysterious nature treated like a disease never given a chance no excuse no explanation just a killer cursed waiting for the tides to turn deliver us from the evil one

whatever happens is his will struggling to pray trying to cope with the harm done in life but its all his will

lord have mercy on me according to your loveingkindess according to the multitude of your tender mercys blott out my transgressions wash me fully from my iniquity and cleans me from my sin for I confess my transgressions and my sin is always before me against you and you alone I have sinned and done what is wicked in your sight but you are justified when you speak and blameless when you judge behold I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my mother concieve me but you desire the truth in the inward parts and in the hidden parts you will make me to know wisdom purge me with blood and I shall be clean wash me and I shall be whiter than snow make me hear joy and gladenes that the one which have been broken my rejoice hide your face from all my sins and blott out all my iniquity create a clean and pure heart in me o god and renew the right spirit within me do not cast me away from your presance and dont take away your holy spirit from me restor unto me the joys of your salvation and uphold me with a free and a wholsome spirit then shall I teach transgressors your ways then shall sinners be converted unto you deliver me from all guiltyness lord god of my salvation and I will sing aloud of your lovingkindnes

another day has gone by in which I mostly slept and rested my mind chasing dreams and nightmares I wake and life is needy life is growing older the many who see in blood wonder from the holy curse to be lifted the secret places of magick linger with a silent cry of lust ghost of the past never leave until prayer is granted its desire deliver us from the evil one but what is perfection no limits no boundrys nothing to forbbid heaven for a vampire a world of perfect night a world of perfect lust eternal pleasures forevermore

I was being tested in my faith then I was taken it was a beautiful woman she was speacial and had spiritual gifts like a phycisian she was working on my body removing disease from me and loving me then I saw where I had been immoral in my sex life I was suddenly taken with the alpha and omega jesus in his might and greatness he was lightly punishing me purging me of my sins then I went to the prison of the lord the dark ones were there but before I saw them in the flesh I only saw christ as all in all then I saw their form some of them were speaking worldly words and I could only speak scriptures one of the dark ones rose up and struck me on the right side of my face more than once I felt forsaken and before I could fight back in a rage the words of christ came over me you have heard it is written an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth but I say dont resist an evil person if one strikes you on your right side offer the other as well so I did not resist I was taken to a part of the prison where they were trying to sale some goods or somthing of that nature and I sensed lies and all maneer of sin so I used the sword of the spirit the word of god and was set free then I woke and went out side to smoke came back in and got on my knees and prayed to god in jesus name for a wile may god have mercy on our souls amen

I was just reading my journal and I deffinitly have some kind of split personality disorder or multy personality problem its a trip what will I do I will pray by him all things were made and without him nothing was made he is the word may his will be done I am tired of doing my own will but it gets to me because he is all in all so my will is his will he works in mysterios ways I have got to be careful you know all those things those simple things that hardly ever get said greater than lesser than good bad all my duality bullshit its all the same outward appearance is not always inward reality because we are all the same life force trying to be different rejecting some of our parts and members and lusting after others but we are doing it all to our selves who will break the cycle of self destruction and shine out of this world of negitive karma

I am thinking about clearing my journal I have got to be more positive live my life and come out of the darkness and doom and gloom of this world my brother just became a dad so now I am an uncle I have been in touch with my family over these past few days its a trip because I have been working on the 12steps trying to aply them to my morbid life and some kind of changes are taking place spiritual in nature but I had my furtune read and it was said that it is doubtful that I will grow spiritualy in the faith

I never realy lived my life always made a lot of mistakes realy bad ones but I am trying not to dwell on that and just get over it thinking positive seems to be getting easier but the other night I had a nightmare where I was telling freddy kruger to suck my balls I think it was my own strange way of trying to face my stuped fears I hate haveing nightmares last night when I died and went to sleep I was dealing with demonic posession and I was chanting every prayer spell I know from the holy book as I was trying to wake myself from sleep I turned and saw someone on top of me holding me down waering all black it was a female I could see her breast but as she was comeing into view in my sight I saw her from the neck down and she was retreating into the dark away from the light of my eyes and I kept on saying let there be light finally I woke up and it was 3:30 in the morning I know I need to heal this whole world needs healing in a true way

vampires waiting watching thirsting living this undead life in the shadows haunted by religious laws of the holy searching for more than the closed minded can give some are cursed and some are blessed in the carnal sense knowledge never lacking the old creatures of the dark to me the sense of any differences is lost in this secret universe of oneness I see them rise and fall from time to time cursed with a sense of ego arrogence and pride being to high minded decieved falling farther into the dark lies the old lies that they are somthing else and come from another source other than the blood source of the creator humility comes before honor but pide goes before a fall such dark angels humbled to the need of human blood humans who are so quick to believe in the limitations of the living and doubt their own godlyness some are unlocking the secrets of old judge not lest ye be judged for with whatever judgement ye judge ye shall be judged taken back to the garden of eden the serpent finds his only grace in the shadows of oneness

waking up from the dark is what I'm going through years of sin to deal with no more can I hide in the dark as I am going through changes depressed by the choices I have made guilty of many sins if not all I realize my blindness spiritualy lost I just pray when I can holding on for dear life always feeling unworthy but I know my heavenly father is not to blame for many times I have slanderd god blaming him for my own missdeeds my own sins getting a sick satisfaction out of it trying despretly to releave my self of my part in it all my responsibilty people praying for me that I will turn and change my evil ways sure Ive been to church and listened to the preachers but Ive always been bedeviled by my own false pride the will to rebell against the good lord now it hurts to step out into the light and be exposed for all my sins last in line trying to find my way out of hell hoping for mercy and grace bless me father for I have sinned

maybe I have made up my mind but I think we all know the truth that god has taught us or put in our minds do I resist it ? well many times I have its hard when I get caught up in childish judgments of good and evil or god and the devil for some time I have been trying to figer myself out what kind of vampire I am to feast upon jesus has been my life long persuit my sinful nature requiers it in order to servive but the passion is taken out of it unless I can feed with respect and class being uneducated and ignorent in many ways the only knowledge I have comes from god but I know nothing until I see past the veil of lifes illusion into the truth which has been distorted is it just some wine or is it true blood it must be true blood that will give life eternal many members of the body of christ suffer with sins grasp and fight it everyday this is a mystery to be solved and dispelled over time but what remains is the sacrifice of christ to be eccepted or rejected I think the inner voice says much concerning this satans offspring are vampires jesus has vampire children also it is said that this is a secret that the church will kill and die for christ the vampire being hidden from the masses people for years being made to believe that he is somthing other than a vampire or somthing greater and holyer but can this truly be it is pianful for me to think that the children of the night are destroyed in the name of religon give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us what does this realy mean I fear the ones called and chosen are cast out with their own devices thus you have the old slaying of vampires in life

drinking the blood of jesus for my sins the sins of the world my sinnful nature thirst for more of gods life searching the scriptures finding my self mad with resentment cant eccept all the religon of old some things I just must forgive by faith sorrow rooted so deep in me it drains me of much energy death must feed death must stop in its tracks twisting and turning the serpents tounge lies that great lier hisses at me how dare you pray for blood thats profaining the lords name I see the cross on the wall and the dusty bible on the shelf my body shivers with a cold sweat christain she crys hiding her tears I'm not crying she says I'm not crying I look at her and say dont give what is sacred to the dogs and dont throw your pearls to pigs they will trample them under foot and turn to rend you in pieces she knows I'm on to her waiting for her latest sad and sorry confession waiting for a moment of truth you see in the dark you starve for truth when you have been turned to lies she knows I want one thing and one thing only her blood when its truly being set free when the emotion is right and the confession is made so I leave hiding myself as best as I can she has by the grace of god out shined me exposing all my wickedness it burnes and I get real small defeated again the devil has stole from me my love so I rush to my sanctuary to sanctify myself with magick but I'm trespassing I feel it in my heart the darkness has taken over I must wait for god to put me back together piece by piece

time takes its toll on me so much is gone I find myself praying christ help me thirsty for life thirsty for love my demons always find a way to curse god I rest in the darkness wondering where I will find my source I lack so much energy my spirit is down when I start to pray and confess tears run down but I just want to be refreshed in my heart and recover from those parts of life that are wicked

the changes take place in my head some of the demons are to heavy but just reflections of myself lost in the dimension of light I see how my higherself manipulates life for judgment sacrifice the guilty for the innocent but what is left of gods bodie I dread I cry why and I cry how only to be hushed into silence by my own truth some part of me I cant get in tune with the vampire the dragon the dream somehow its in my life many images of it portrayed on film in art in books but what is it its the darkness somehow its all changing the more I persue it the more my beauty fades rebbuked for my sin by the holy one the highest part of me holyer than thou I get cross eyed infected by religon the laws in place show no mercy embrace the darkness I must and I will contend with my fears always knowing my dreams I was perfect I was a vampire perfectly good defying them all so I have come to the realization that perfect love is a vampire yes with all my demons as well lost souls thirsty for that touch of life god exspesing himself through the prince of darkness so much pain over the years now recovering sight restoring that light sin had a place all along in this story we all live out at times I was just to weak to see and accept it my human mind of duality when the spirit is just one and the same the day and the night are one ouch

my sense is distorted I try to find my place hoping to just wake up its strange I wake up everyday but it does not seem real its like I'm sleep walking sin has got a hold on me I dont care what they say it does have me I was reading the bible and feeling lost and found at the same time a child of god a child of the devil whatever the case may be it just does not seem to matter some times I pray I dont know why it does not seem to work maybe I have a false sense of religon or faith expecting god to care and do somthing about the evil in my life it tares everything out of me that I love it all seems so fake like one big lie I let it get to me until I blow up in a rage then the angels back off what work has been done I ask the hell is evident war crime death suffering and I live in this bubble of peace that is slowly fading away how long will I contend with it blaming myself satan in me is pissed off when I pray it messes with the pride I have delighting in darkness so my words get twisted so what I know what I'm casting anything to stop me from sheding my skin the reason why I can see its fear of change not being able to harm souls any more no more self afliction no more torture what a pitty just to see a part of me beg for more sin suffering and death addicted to the madness its funny when I meet some young punk kid who thinks he is a satanist or a dragon of sorts then years of trial and error come into play that oneness is broken the harmony is unbalanced and the spiritual fires rise and I think to my self Ive burned before and it was unbarible but I had no choice but to bare it being punished for the wickedness and blindness that I could not heal and having somthing lit in me to repent knowing I am of the devil and saving myself is saving my basterd father satan then some alianated relitive comes along and says praise hell satan I realize there is no breaking these chains its a slap in the face so I just rest knowing that when they go where I went and burn like I did there sinister little plans will change its funny how you want to go to hell until you get to hell

I just woke up oh well my dream was a trip Ive got to go to a meeting today that first cigg tasted realy bad I should quit smoking I dont want to sit around today I'm on two week restiction at my new place its a sober living house the last time I used was september 30th I'm done with getting high cant stand it anymore it sends me on a guilt trip its all bad stuped me thinking I'm going to get different results but no way it does not work that way Ive got to get me a phone oh well one thing at a time.

so how is it that you can be one with th creator and still feel separate? how is it that you are one with god and yet also a unique personality mnifestation? this is one of the mysteries of creation. you could view the creator as a mighty brilliant light or a brilliant sun in which all is light and consciousness in which there is no differentiation and you could say that out of that brilliant sun many flames are broadcast flames which have their origin in the sun and yet which flare out in their own beautiful unique ways and in essence what i am trying to get at is that you are those flames which have burst forth with beauty and radiance from the source always connected to the source and yet individual and beautiful each one unique a unique beautiful brilliant manifestation or expression of that oneness this is your I AM presence your higher self your god-self however you wish to refer to it and that god-self is always one with the creator it has been since the begining since you were first created since you first burst forth from that divine sun and you are a manifestation from that source you see. you could say that there is a cord or ray of light of beautiful light that comes from that flame from that essence from that god-self down through the various frequencies of vibration and at each frequency it radiates a particular manifestation until it culminates in this particular manifestation that you see with your eyes open in the physical form the physical body you know you have more subtle bodies you have your emotional bodies and your mental bodies your etheric bodies these are all manifestations of this same light ray as it passes through different levels of consciousness

my garden oh my god what have i planted oh well i just have to do some weeding time to let go of all that negitive programing its funny when i read my own writng i just see how troubled i am somtimes must break free and and take a breath hopfully i will accend

well its time for me to go back to school and learn to write properly its been a long time today i just was spending time getting in touch with my higherself my I AM presence somtimes it does not seem different same problems just more aware of things tv does not intrest me as much I am looking for somthing but I have a funny feeling that I already have in me

I was young and very much in the dark its seems many horrors had come into my life as anyone else has had befall them in this world strange desires for sex had come to me often but I was only a child as I grew and had many partners one day I was on top of the world the ladys always the apple of my eye kept me believing in god yet somthing led me to church strange how its so easy to believe anything almost anything the bible showed me my sin though before it had not been a problem now the so called holy light was on and my darkness fled for the time being but my heart told me that spiritual abuse was and had been taking place ah the flesh and all its desires for pleasure the fires of lust that burn so brightly cast out and rejected like a monster to the mind and heart but I knew it was for some bad reason so my vission changed I saw many battles in the spirit the light and the darkness and could find no peace yet grace was mine when I look back its hard they say dont look back funny I live in all dimensions of time and space yet I am humbled everyday so I found god she is alive and getting well she seems so perfect yet within the world speaks and I speak her beauty is so great I wonder about life the dogs will always be a part of me but so will the masters

praying and trusting is not always easy paitence or whatever hope to sustain life for the time being still I'm very uncomfertble in the sun light feels like hell somtimes reading scripture moves me to pray every time it testifys of sin that sense of unfinished buisness lingers in the writen word memorys of mindless peace having no concience whatever the reality pains my poor heart crime after crime in this world makes me wonder if there is a way out petty hopes of mine traded for hidden fears kept within voices in my head judge me for some cursed past life the opening of the doors a conjering if you will i dont spend much time trying to figer out the mysteries of sins begining and hidden perposess in the back of my mind thinking to uncover some satisfying reason for it all and rest in my souls loss faith how tangible can it be it works for some yet some seem to be the enemys of faiths cross roads and yet seem to prosper in this illusion of life yet for whatever reason life just goes on and on with its many deadly ends how could I have peace of mind when I wont let my self eccept certan truths of the matter I'm a sucker for negitivity that dark dense energy and downwerd spiral the fire burns but what is meant to be learned is hard to capture time to see what the lord has in store for me and endure without complaint just be free go back to my true state of being one with the light one with the flame one with god its easy to look back and get mad knowing there truly never has been any seperation just that oneness of being devine hard to believe with such stong iilusions that have manifested in my natural eyes

I have a friend who works with exorcism she has helped many people rid themselves of demons or influences that were not beneficial to their lives and ive been interested in these phenomena from the standpoint that they seem to be so diversified some seem to be on a lower level of entering into the etheric body and causing distortions there are things called implantation there are highlevel influences from out side of our galaxy I wish you would speak on this and clarify it for me if you would please is this a matter of attraction also?





Exactly! you see every being creates everything they are experiencing so there is no such thing as one being victimized by inter-dimensional demons one attracts their own demons for a growth experience or by karmic choosing my recommendation is to give yourself to your spiritual path and dont worry about it if you encounter somthing that feels like a fourth-dimensional entity call upon Archangel Micheal to bind that being with light and gently escort it to its proper place

if you have had contact with the dark does that set you back on your spiritual path?



if you are on your path and you have contact with these beings whatever you prefer to call them-the dark- it is somthing you have attracted to yourself for learning and it is not holding you back it is in fact helping you it is whether you become fascinated with these types of interactions or whether you can recognize them for what they are and move on so many have had and of course you all do in your daily life interactions with fourth-dimensional beings these invisible beings are attracted to you for healing its just another aspect of the service you are here to perform nothing to fear

my escape has been long awaited looking for a way out knowing only the spells that I'm under just got to open my eyes and see past it many are called but few are chosen so many false reasons from above to justify the punishment of hell underneath the corruption stinks of abuse and a strange sickness for which no doctrin remains only the certan future of doom

ive been lost for a long time trying to live but now i have to accept everything dreams set my moods every night i dream mostly nightmares i dont know why the vampire within sleeps hidden in my darkness things are not what they seem to be life changes all the time around me but i remain this way i dont know how to live asking and asking god for the answers somthing is going on its been going on for a long time i feel so powerless i try to tell myself that god is love and everything is alright but im so restless and on the edge looking at my past i can see how low i have sunk trying not to dwell on it anymore peace of mind is what i need just some true rest to get over it and recover from what i dont understand i was not myself but it was me going astrey so degrading cant get high it just sends me on a worst guilt trip than im on now i want to heal ah the healing word how real can it be time flys by and im getting older but you never truly die you just fade away the outer man is perishing but the inner man is renewed day by day the spirit somtimes seems to good to be true but it is it must be