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No one knows what I'm feeling

My heart is pounding

I'm full of sadness and rage

I need someone to please let me out of this cage

I have seen so much and felt so much pain

But no one knows what I feel

I do not tell my hardest ties

Hold my hand and look me in the eyes

Take me back when there were no worries or whys

I miss the free flying

I miss letting my hair down and running around

Someone help me up and take me away from here

I'm ready to be on my way

Let me close my eyes and fade with the day

I hurt deep down inside

So many mixed emotions

Take me by the hand and walk me with me by the ocean

Help me

I'm falling into the hole

I'm scared I don't want to lose my soul

The lights are dimming

Your voice is growing faint

I want to say I love you

I will miss you so

Hold me close and whisper in my ear

Tell me you love me

I will always be near

COMMENTS

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Aronoch
05:20 May 02 2009

strong mental visuals

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DarklingFang
00:35 May 04 2009

in this one you say no one knows the pain you feel, i know that kind of feeling. thinking that you dont have anyone that could posibly understand, i still do to this very day. feeling like im in a cage, almost like you and i are a mirror of eachother, but thats how life is, at least in my mind. i hope you find happyness someday with some one that can understand you.

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POST COMMENT

I wonder what will happen

When the day comes

That I must leave you...

I wonder will you cry

I wonder will you be happy

I wonder will you miss me...

Will you lie awake at night

Remembering all the good times

Or will you sit

And only think of the bad...

Will you wonder where I am at night

Will you wonder what I'm doing

Or will you just not care...

Will it hurt you to think

Of all the times we've shared

Or will they just slip your mind

Like they were never there...

Will you remember all the laughs

Or will you forget those

And put them in your past...

Will you remember all the tears

Or replace them with all of your fears...

Will you pretend like we never happened

And let us go along the years...

Will you drown out all of your sorrows

With laughter and cheers...

Will you forget that yesterday was here

And wave goodbye to all of our memories...

Will you try to hold on to everything we've got...

Or say goodbye to old times

And go on with everything your not...?

Our words can't express the loss we all feel,

or fill the void left in our heart.

Only when we remember her family is real

can our healing process truly start.

We need to recall all the memories we've had

of the woman whose life now transcends,

and know that her being has made our hearts glad

even as her life here with us ends.

Her presence lives on in the hearts of us all,

through the lives of her daughters and sons,

and in all of the pictures that hang on our wall,

and the memories of all her loved ones.

So often there are tears at moments like this.

Who knows how our hearts will respond?

Just rejoice in the life of the woman we'll miss,

as she moves to her new home beyond.

Don't recall her with sadness, or heaviness of heart.

When you think of her don't let a tear drop.

Just remember she's right where we all got our start. she will forever be in our hearts.

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
20:23 Apr 22 2009

A loving tribute to your grandmother. You celebrate her life and how she affected yours.

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xChemicalisionx
23:33 Apr 26 2009

Awwww

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Aronoch
00:26 Apr 27 2009

Very nice. I lost my grandmother Christmas eve. I really enjoyed it

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Aronoch
05:22 May 02 2009

That was the poem all of the comment wasn't saved, It was very moving to me.

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MorbidAngels15
15:46 May 22 2009

This is wonderful hun, very touching :)

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POST COMMENT

Love is eternal

Love is the wind, whispering its many thoughts to you in the night.

Love is the feeling I felt when I first met you

Love is flying on the tails of many dreams

Love is the moon, shining alone, as a beacon in the hours of darkness

Love is the alpha emotion

Love is the entity of all

Love is the stars, always hanging in the endless darkness of sky

Love is the ever lasting conflict within

Love is the conquest of fulfillment that we feel needs to be met

Love is the bonding of two souls, entwined in the beatings of their hearts

Love is a journey to discover the souls of others

Love is an adoration, a forever night long vigil, never ending

Love is an everlasting yearning to be connected to mind and heart

Love is spending hours drowning into the depths of your eyes

Love is the feeling I feel when I look at you

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
19:12 Apr 22 2009

That's how I want to feel.

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xChemicalisionx
23:33 Apr 26 2009

Love is xChemicalisionx

Love is xChemicalisionx

Love is. . .You get the point ;D

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POST COMMENT

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you see my smiles?

Do you see the laughter?

Do you see all the happiness?

Or do you see past, the front to what really lies beneath?

Do you see the walls I put up to keep them out?

Do you see all the tears that stained my face?

Do you see the fears that I try to hide?

Do you see the scars inside of me?

Those scars that wont let me free

Those scars that run deep inside

Those scars that mar my very soul

Those scars I try so hard to hide

So do you see the truth in me or just the truth I want you to see?

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
19:14 Apr 22 2009

You put up a good front. Without your poetry hinting at what lies beneath, I would only know what you show us on the surface.

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xChemicalisionx
23:34 Apr 26 2009

I see a Kinky Vampire *-*

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POST COMMENT

I hide behind a mask

You can't see my face

Looking at first glance

I'm in a happy place

The truth is, that's a lie

But you can't really tell

that in the back of my mind

I think the world should rot in hell

What's the point of living

If we are all going to die

What's the point of being happy

If in the end we're going to cry

But this is something no one sees

This is something no one knows

And yet deep inside of me

This feeling of hatred grows

So even though this mask reveals a happy side of me,

I use the mask as a shield to look at what others can never see.

Here I stand,

Until the time

Was it a crime to see what cannot be touched

Hear voices speak words that can't be undone

Was it my fault I was invincible

To the naked eye, I am invisible

I cannot be seen

Because no one wants to see me

I am different

Different from the rest of them

So they ignore me

But I don't ignore them

No one is friendly

Why were they so blind

Because I am not them

I am only me

I am different

I can see them

But they can't see me

I watch them fall

Divided they fall

Together they die

But here I stand

Until the end of time

Was it a crime that I was unique

Original to the human mind

I was invisible to there standards

Invisible to their lies

as they kneel to beg

I watch them beg for dear life

But here I stand until the end of time

Was it a crime for me to live my life

A crime for wanting to survive

No one would answer

So I will wait until the end of time

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
19:16 Apr 22 2009

There's another story behind this one, isn't there? I want to read that one, too.

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POST COMMENT

So cold and dark, so empty and alone,

Never knowing what real love was.



So fragile and closed, so hateful and cruel, never to open my heart to anyone, and then there was you.

So scared, so new, not knowing what was to come, I gave you what little I had left. Hoping that you would want me the way that I am. Timid and frightend, wanting to love again, and then there was you.



A little relief from the beating that my heart took, trying to remember what it was like. You showed me that it was real and true, you touched me so gentle, you saw right through me.

All the pain and distrust disappeared that day, the love that consumed me felt so perfect and so right. Still hesitant to let anyone see who I really was, and then there was you.



Believing in me, trusting me, loving me unconditionally, letting go of all the fear, anger, and regret. Knowing that it is ok just to be who I am.

Crying, laughing, talking, sharing emotions that I tried to hide for so long, All because there was you.

Could you make this pain go away?

Could you fill my empty heart?

Could you heal all my wounds,

and promise we will never be apart?

Promise me you'll never leave,

and make everything all right.

Promise me when I start to fall,

you'll hold on to me tight.

Promise me you'll protect me and help wipe my tears,

Promise me your love for the rest of our years

Promise me you'll love me no matter what I do,

and I will promise to only love you

so please swear to me me that this promise you will keep

going down memory lane brings me so much pain to see how happy we used to be its been a year of ups and downs. i want to make this fight worth it i dont want to lose you. you tell me this will be ok in the end, that we will one day be happy again that we just need to take control of whats going on around us before its too late and we lose eachother. going down memory lane brings me so much pain to see how happy we used to be. i dont want to let you go but i know it would be worth the fight in the end for you will always be the love of my life. i just cant wait for that day ill become your wife and will have our fairytail ending like we always planned to. going down memory lane brings me so much pain to see how happy we used to be. but for now all we can ever be is friends.

I love you.

Those are the words that open my thoughts, my heart, and my soul.

Those are the words that fill my head, this book, and the hole

That continued to grow with every mistake I made, every person that I lost

Left me with a debt that my mind could not pay, so my heart had to pay the cost.

Those are the words that are my gift, my nepenthe, and my pain.

Those are the words that make me happy, make me crazy, and make me sane.

I love you.

Those are the words that open my thoughts to happiness and sorrow.

The joy of being with you today and fear of losing you tomorrow.

Those are the words that open my heart up to you

To show you how I feel about everything you do.

Those are the words that open my soul and everything inside.

All the feelings that I have and all the pain that I hide.

I love you.

Those are the words that is my gift to you from me.

To bring you lots of joy and make you very happy.

Those are the words that are my nepenthe for past memories

They bring my mind to rest and it slowly starts to ease.

Those are the words that are my pain that slowly eats away

At my mind and soul and makes them start to rot and decay.

I love you.

Those are the words that fill my head with happy thoughts of us.

All the romantic memories and times of love struck lust.

Those are the words that fill this book from the start until the end.

It shows in every page, how much I tried to tend.

And those are the words that fill the hole.

I love you.

Those are the words that make me happy deep within my heart.

When you say them to me, my body starts to warm, each and every part.

Those are the words that make me crazy when I know not what to think.

All my thoughts start to spin and my sound mind starts to sink.

Those are the words that make me sane when my thoughts are crystal clear.

Now I know what to say as I whisper in your ear,

I love you.

I've been here for a while now. How do I get out? No one comes to save me, even when I shout. Do people even hear me?

Or do they only hear themselves. Maybe they don't recognize me

& I'm just an unknown book on a library shelf. I seem to be invisible or maybe they just can't see. I raise a hand and ask for help but they ignore my plea. Do they not like me? Or do they not care? I hope I get out soon because survival here is rare.

Maybe you could help me? Do you see me trapped in here?

Or are you like the others that don't even care?

COMMENTS

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Blackheresy
05:15 Apr 11 2009

:(

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POST COMMENT

All these emotions are being twisted within my veins; they’re starting to suffocate my mind. I’m trapped within these walls that seem to be getting smaller & smaller. Nobody can see that I’m crying behind my fake smile & laugh. I’m screaming from the top of my lungs but they can’t hear me, I’ve got them way too fooled by my laughs that they can’t see inside. They don’t see the truth but I don’t even think they‘re trying to see beyond the surface. All these emotions are being twisted within my veins; they’re starting to suffocate my mind. I can hardly breathe or think about what’s going on. I can’t take control; I’ve pushed my emotions too far back so now they’re all coming out at once. I don’t know which tears belong to the situation. All these emotions are being twisted within my veins; they’re starting to suffocate my mind. I’m sitting here crying for help just wanting somebody to listen & somebody to care, I’ve been here for awhile now & nobody even looks my way I just hate that I have to end it this way…

I sit all alone in this room

As memories unfold

Tears streaming down my face again

This pain never grows old

Some say it's a state of mind

But it's my heart that really hurts

I only aim to please you all

But what's a smile really worth?

This is the story of my life

The saga of my tears

A story told a thousand times

Remade over the years

If you listen up closely

Maybe you might hear

The beating of my heart

And the saga of my tears

They say that life's a trip

I hit the ground face first

Lost everything I ever wanted

But it could have been worse

Or that's what they tell me

Do they sit alone in the dark?

Or stare into broken mirrors

Thinking it's the pieces of their heart

This is the story of my life

The saga of my tears

A story told a thousand times

Remade over the years

If you listen up closely

Maybe you might hear

The beating of my heart

And the saga of my tears

This is the saga of my tears

A saga that never ends

This a the saga of my tears

That will shatter all thats near

I'm a free spirit that has been shot down and wronged

I pleaded for help a kind gentle mercy

My heart felt like it rose up to my throat as you choked the life from me

I cried with pain; can barely speak your name

Throat swelling burning like a flame

This fire this burning I'm yearning for help

This is all I have ever felt

My life as its slipping

Veins running cold

My blood as its churning its last

My lungs choking for air breathing heavy

And nobodies there to hold me tight

Or watch this site as I fall to my knees

In a last try to be set free abandoning all of me

Because there is nothing left for me

Why can't I ever just see?

As the rain falls it sucks the life from me

My one joy to hear and feel the rain and it consumes me

And this ending pain; no more shame

I have a friend, she's silver and she shines,

Her favorite subject's art and her favorite shape is lines,

Her favorite color's red, she draws upon my skin,

Some lines thick, while other lines thin,

Sometimes she draws deep and the blood begins to run,

To you it's disgusting, but it's just an addiction I begun,

Never in patterns, just a line here or there,

Never too much, just the pain that I can bare,

Her favorite subject's art, and her favorite shape is lines,

Her favorite color's red, my razor blade,

she's silver and she shines.

I would need this gun

To complete my mission

I would need this CD

So I can listen

A cell phone

To say good bye

Kleenex

For my cry

This is the sweetest suicide

A car

So I can drive

A pin and pad

To leave a note

Alcohol

To numb the pain

Weed

To fuck up my brain

This is the sweetest suicide

Photos

To remember the good times

A destination

To do my crime

The ocean

Because I love it

A watch

To mark the time

Farewell

Goodbye

I can't make up my mind

This is the sweetest suicide

I feel the wind blowing up my sleeves

The ocean water touching my knees

The earth is so beautiful

To bad I have to leave

The tide is high

I take a swim

Now I start counting

Down to my sin

The gun is loaded

My letters wrote

Blues are playing

Calls are made

Messages sent

I hit this weed

And take a sip

Splatter my brains

And fall into the ocean

This is the sweetest suicide

Farewell

Goodbye

I woke up in a world where a person close to me felt like a stranger.

I had to be dreaming this guy laid down the drinks, I no longer feared his abusive behavior.

Couldn't'imagine it really happening to me,

As I realized these twisted thoughts of nightmares were realities.

Remembering school nights I'd beg my sisters not to fall asleep.

Queasy feeling in my stomach knowing where the late nights would lead.

Thrusting himself inside'figuring the pleasure drained out my pleads,

Because when my teary eyes looked upon his I saw nothing but greed.

Feeling unvalued like an empty soul,

I would beg God to not let me feel this hurt anymore.

Bruises made inside but outside only my eyes were swollen.

Left lying naked at the age of twelve with all my innocence stolen.

God'give me a reason'what did I do to deserve this?

How did I end up in hell when all my life'I tried all I could to live perfect?

.....

Now, no longer did I care about the physical pain,

When it's nothing compared to the shit that starts up in the brain.

Things began to change'I automatically fell silent and pushed people away,

It never mattered when no one wants to hear of this kind of pain.

All of this shit made it hard to trust anyone.

Even brainwashed myself to thinking I would never love nor be loved.

With no direction to turn,

Since 'everybody goes through their own problems'

Tired of comparing my life with others,

Is all that supposed to take away my troubles and dissolve them?

At night I sit alone and watch the shadows dance around.

I hold my breath and listen yet silence is the only sound.

I reach for some comfort yet feel no embrace.

I am tired of the emptiness and loneliness of this place.

I can feel no more hurt because I have learned to live with my pain.

I often wonder how I survived and continue to stay sane.

I have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears.

I have been empty and broken for so many years.

I am tired of pretending that I am fine and all is okay.

I am tired of hiding behind this mask I wear every day.

I have drifted so far and can no longer be saved.

These feelings hold me captive and to them I am enslaved.

Oh Thy Raven

How The True Beauty

of Thy's Feathers Always Show

When The Light Glows

Upon Ones Body

Showing The Beautiful Deep Blue

Oh So Deep

Your Mysterious Caw

Always Makes Me Wonder

What Are You Actually Saying

Oh How I Wonder

Pondering, Just Pondering

Your Mysterious Talons

Ripping Trough Your Enemy

With Such Power

Makes Me Smile

But With Such Fear I Have Of You

Makes Me Wonder...

How Is Life A Matter

When One Is As Graceful As You

Is It Beauty, Or Is It Love

It Could Be Happiness

But What Ever The Matter Is Of Life

I Know Now Thanks To You

That Is For A Good Reason

Oh Thy Raven

How Thy True Beauty Lies

With So Much Shine

But With So Much Pain

Continue With Your Search

For The True Meaning

When You Find It

I'll Be Hear Waiting

For The True Meaning

Waiting... Only Waiting

And Nothing more

As I sit here starring at my scars I think living life is like living hell. My scars are like questions that I could only answer. I don't cry tears any more, I cry blood.I'm tired of lies that life holds and things that don't make any since. Once my life is over my life is complete.

My memories are painful giving up is my only solution. I cant move on with the future when I'm still with the past. I can't believe any of this is real. Every thing I had is dissolving like the pills I take to make the pain go away.

I'm trying to escape my life, in away I didn't plan. I don't know how this happened. Life goes by so quickly to a point where I close my eyes and say good bye.

Demanding all of my time

My concentration is captured.

Like a cloud in the shape of a dragon,

You just have to notice.



Feeding from my every thought.

Listening to my sadness chime.

Watching my tears fall silently.

Maturing from my every action.

Cradling my happiness in its cold, gray cape.



Running through my heart I feel his footsteps thump, thud, thump.

Capturing my relativity, flooding my veins, clogging the blood flow.

Stealing my tears, sticking its dagger through my lungs.



Everyday I am dying.

Living in void.

Depression is my friend.

COMMENTS

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xxdarkxembracexx
17:03 Apr 08 2009

wow, short but very powerful. great write =)

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POST COMMENT

It is like a mind-controlling disease.

It makes you feel worthless and unknown.

It has no mercy, whispering in your ear that

life has no meaning.

It tells you no one cares and why go on.

It makes you feel like you have no purpose.

You want to run and hide but you know it is

close behind following you no matter how hard

you try to escape.

It tells you lies and says nasty things to

you.

It makes you feel empty inside.

It takes a part of you away so you feel

incomplete.

This so called disease is called depression.

As I put the razor to my skin,

I feel the adrenalin,

the pain is a sudden rush to me,

as the blood falls to the floor

I see my pain and worries disappearing.

I hide my scars in fear of what you may say,

but without you these scares will not exist.

My love, my life, my reason

I sit here and bleed.

My smiles, my tears,

my heart tares more and more.

You deny your love, I deny my pain.

The pain I feel when your not by my side.

Some call it love I call it suicide.

The razor can only go to deep,

a person can only bleed so much,

but the pain never ends.

My nights are cold, my arms are empty

The cuts cover up the pain,

My smile covers up the hurt

As you walk along to blind to see my hurt

the days get harder

the nights never seem to end

I fake a smile and wipe my tears away

I forget the truth.

For when I am with you it feels so right.

Without you I find myself lost and confused. Broken and torn.

Kiss my pain away,

Wipe away my blood filled tears,

I long for you to save me

COMMENTS

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xxdarkxembracexx
17:07 Apr 08 2009

this is a great piece, very well written. you have good use of imagery and your word choice draws the reader in. =)

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POST COMMENT

She goes about her day to day and does her duties to perfection,

She cries alone and works her way through fears and self rejection.

No one knows this angel is carrying around such grief,

If they only saw a glimpse of things they'd sigh in disbelief.

She seems to be so perfect not one single flaw,

Everyone looks at her with envy If they only knew it all.

Her heart aches with loneliness and her tears disguised with pride,

Why does she care what they think its becoming too much for her to hide.

She sits at home and pours her heart out to a man that doesn't really care,

He never hears a word she says he looks right through her as if she’s not really there.

She is running out of friends to confide in and family's gone astray,

Alone and broken hearted, she slits her wrists and slowly fades away.

did you know?...



did you know that I secretly cry and tear myself to shreds every night?



did you know that behind my seemingly warm happy eyes lies a broken innocent, ravaged by many sinful hands?



did you know that I loathe you for disposing and abandoning me in this forsaken hell?



did you know that I bleed for you, that I dwell in this eternal pain for you, that you bind me to this duty?



did you know that you intertwined you and I and left me to take care of our withering souls?



did you know that for every smile I forcefully press against my face a slit is placed upon my delicate skin?



did you know that everyday you kill apart of who I am, that every time you scream at my wrenching, contorting face I grow number?



do you even know that I exist anymore?



do you know that for every word you say it pierces my heart and I grow closer to my death?



do you even care that you have started my reckoning?



did you even know or acknowledge when I crept upstairs and locked my door, when I slowly consumed the various jagged white little pills, then I pierced my wrist with the oh so familiar razor?



did you know that I did that to escape you because it was the only absolute solution?



do you realize that even as I lay in the plain plush cushions on my final bed with an expressionless face, I still hold nothing but contempt for you?



do you finally understand cursed life you burdened on my fragile shoulders? I don't think you do, you will never understand...will you?

I want to run away

Inside my bright red scream

I want to break the doors

Holding back my dream



Living like this

Checking the skies for rain

A constant reminder

Of this burden and pain



I'm holding on to

A shooting star

Its points cutting my skin

This time it's gone too far



Nothing left to wish on

My bloody star fell

Left me drowning in hopes

Inside my wishing well



Not looking for a hero

To owe such a debt

I could not ask for saving

This loss is not a regret



I want to run away

But there's nothing out there

I want to shatter windows

That look out on nowhere



This is not life

If I'm already dead

My bleeding heart stopped beating

And tears I no longer shed.

COMMENTS

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CryingDutchess
01:46 Apr 09 2009

This was a very painful poem to read. It is so well written, you can't help but feel the sadness. Well written.

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POST COMMENT

Hold me close and don’t let go;

I'm so scared to be alone.

I've been by myself for too long,

And always had to be strong.

Now I only want to rest;

And lay my head on your chest.

Hold me close and don’t let go;

These wars I fight no one knows.

Now whisper how you love me,

Say it tender and softly.

I am weary and soon will sleep,

But with you no longer will I weep.

So hold me close and don't let go,

For I never want to be alone.

COMMENTS

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MorbidAngels15
15:45 May 22 2009

This would be a good song.....but these words speak to me in a few ways :)

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POST COMMENT

Life is never good for me and this is what I wish you'd see.

Just let me end it all for I'll be happy in the end, I'll finally be free.



Free from all the pain and torment and the never ending battle.

No more dealing with the arguments and tears, I'd finally be through with it all.



You just don’t seem to understand that by keeping me here your making it worse.

If I were dead and gone by now I'd be happy, I wouldn’t have this life, I wouldn't have the curse.



I’m already considering doing this even without your consent.

I know for sure that once its all over with my heart will finally be content.



So here I am just sitting there, on my bed with a knife to my wrist.

Please everyone don’t be upset, please don’t be pissed.



You just need to know I love you all but couldn’t handle it anymore.

Ok here I go, I’m doing this for sure.



You just need to let me go to heaven now, hopefully God will understand and accept this.

Just tell my baby I love him and I’m sorry I couldn’t give him one last kiss.



Tell everyone I love them and that I'm sorry I had to go so soon and leave them all behind.

But I just needed to end it all and start a new life so happiness I could find.



These are the last words I'll ever be writing down.

I know they are harsh but don’t worry, rest your head, be at ease, don’t make a sound.



Know that I love you and always have but I need to think of me right now and so I said goodbye.

Be happy without me and know that I'm somewhere good, somewhere up high.



I just hope your not crying, I want you to know everything will be ok.

I'll be watching over you and listening to what you have to say.



Just have patience, wait till the day, and I'll see you up here in heaven and we can be together.

Except this time things will be better and you'll see me happy, always and forever.



So stop your weeping and know this was the best thing for me

It was my time to go, your time to set me free.