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I hate that my life seems to be depleating right before my eyes. I bare tears that i need not have. I cut myself all of the time. Now it doesn't even hurt anymore. I am cutting less frenquitly so that when i do cut it will give me some what a release.

I suppose that now i have chosen to become a vampire that there will be some what a change in my life. I am growing fanges and loseing friends. I used to have so many now i see them fadeing out of my life like the memorie of my father. I feel as if my life has now a new meaning. I have a new goal and that is to become a worldly know vampire or vamptriss what ever you wish to call me. I will cause cahos amongust the humans draining them dry till the day i am killed. Maybe this is but a dream that has weilded in my mind or an atrocity from my mother's mind.

She must notice some change in me. How could she not? Either that or she fears it so she chooses to disbelive her eyes. As I gaze upon her in her sleep she knows im there watching her i can feel her heart beat faster in my head. Though i wish not to cause harm upon my mother she still is frightened of me. It is kind of a cool feeling to have such a power. I love her though, she makes me some what upset at times but i have to think of all she has given up for me.

My father now theres a story. I havent seen him in 11 years. He beat my mom so did my step dad so we now live alone. But my real dad did drugs he drank he was even on the most wanted list in Louisiana funny though i think anyways. He was no good he even tried to steal me from my mother's clutches while we were at one of my aunt's funerals when i was 10 years old. He is trying at the moment to get me to see him to gwt to know him. Every attempt he tries the more i cry. Im tired of life and lately have been haveing suicidel thoughts but now days i fouce on my goals in life.



if u have any comments dont worry just drop by and leave me a message.

~*~pain is love~*~