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First off, I love how I can come here and just rant about my roommates, job, thoughts that plague me, anything really, without fear of consequences but it's still published which is what I need to completely release my pent up emotions and that's what this entry is.



It's finals week of my 3rd to last quarter before graduating and becoming a certified pastry chef. I work at a decently fancy hotel in the area and this summer has kicked the shit out of me because of class 11 hours a day 2 days a week and it's only fun sometimes. My job is alright but it's monotonous and I can't stand my GM or this whole class or school for 7am 6-7 days a week thing. I also have a good bit of homework and going home isn't even fun because . . .



I live with 2 guys and a girl, but they all might as well be girls with how they act. We share the top 2 floors of a duplex. They hate me because I don't clean because I'm never there and hardly ever contribute to the filth in common areas besides one 20 minute shower each morning. They also want a happy family that they all clean up after each other, I'm just in it to minimize rent and utility costs because my job pays just under what I'd need to afford an apartment by myself in the area at about 30 hours a week. I'm quiet, reclusive, and they never hear even a sound from me until it's how much is my share of utilities and when/where do you want my portion of the rent, I talk to other people and it seems like none of them would have a problem with a roommate like that but I managed to find the only 3 that do. They convinced themselves that I hate them and I'm a terrible person for hiding in my room and not going upstairs to their bedrooms and the living room where it's a good 10 degrees hotter just to be in their lives. They rarely came down stairs and attempted to be in mine. They convinced themselves that my anxiety and fear and depression and that look of "I want to kill you in your sleep" is about them when it's not.



They apparently have the most shitty lives ever and they think my typical young adult issues (questioning my major, no idea where to go after graduation, hating working full time on tip of college, anxiety, depression, insomnia) and my past with a narcissistic parent and not being the golden child (it's a good read if you look it up but also the story of my childhood abuse) are magically invalidated because they feel their lives were worse when it's a personal strength thing and my issues almost took me out a few times this summer. Struggles and hardship are still struggles and hardship regardless of "how bad" it was from person to person because sometimes even the common issues take people out, not everyone can handle as much bullshit as others, and that seems to be the hardest concept ever for those beings up stairs that lower the cost of living for me.



I've also come to hate the cost of living. It's an insulated box with lights and a shower where I sleep at night, not much more, why does it cost so much? With just about anything else the sale price is about 30% of the cost to produce it, housing is far more expensive than that and it sucks. I make a pretty good wage but I also work for a world wide famous hotel chain and make shit compared to their profit and it's still just a hare below what I need to afford a home around my school schedule so until I can find a roommate that has a half decent income and isn't in one of the unsafe neighborhoods I'm stuck here until I graduate in March.



I sware the just don't like me for some reason. I never did a damn thing to them besides ignore them. They also cut me off the wifi and search for things to find wrong with me. One day they texted me thinking I put the lock on my door that's been there since the door itself, at least that tells me they haven't tried to get into my room.



It's finals week and I have more than enough of my own shit to deal with and that's causing way more than enough stress, so much shit to do, only today and tomorrow to do it, I don't need any of their shit on top of it.

COMMENTS

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Erinyes
23:26 Sep 15 2015

Good luck with all this Kurly and I hope all this passes with the speed of light for you. I wish only good for you on the other side.

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