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my last ex killed her self because of me i was angery with her and we had a fight and we both sayed things we didnt mean and i got up set and started to leave her room and at the door she stoped me and apoligised and me being a asshole told her not to touch me and headed twords the front door... she started crying and yelled after me if i walk out that door ill lose her forever i thought she was lying and i slamed the door... the next day driving to school i drove past her house and there wer ambulanses and cops i pulled over and ran into the house and i saw her parents crying i knew exactly what happened i followed the ambulance and waited in the hospital and when they came out and sayed she wont make it past the night from the blood lose i went to see her and sat there praying she would come out of it.. she never did she died at 9 45 that night and i watched her die i didnt even get to say sorry and i went crazy started yelling and crying and the docktors sat me down and i refused to believe it they sent me to a mental hospital for 6 mounths and i was a heavy cutter trying to end my life to join her ..... well i servived all of them and accepted treatment ate the end of my 6 mounths i returned home and a week later went back to school

I turn and I can see darkness. I am in a void between the two. Between the darkness and the white of the light. Slowly the white turns red, then also turns to darkness. I am alone.



I feel panic rising inside me. I am in the darkness all alone. Abandonned. I can’t remember who I am supposed to be anymore. I remember a shadow, of who I once was. I am not that anymore. I am something, or someone else.



Out of the darkness comes a blonde child. He holds a golden sphere in hIs arms. Inside the sphere I see all my happy moments, all happinesses I have experienced. Slowly the sphere and the child disintergrate into dust, into nothing.



Again, alone. The darkness is like a blanket, but is not warm and it holds no comfort. From that darkness come the figures. They are red. They surround me. From every side they bring pain. Millions of small moments of pain and helplessness all experienced at once. They grow and everything is red. I feel the scream building up inside of me. It’s inside of me. Like a wild animal. I release it into my pain.



So much pain. I can’t take the pain.

Can’t wash it all away

Can’t wish it all away

Can’t cry it all away

Can’t scratch it all away

Can’t fight it all away

Can’t hope it all away

Can’t scream it all away

It just won’t fade away

its been 5 days and ive lost every thing. the love of my life my happyness my will to go on but i can mope around i have tried taking my life ive tried overdosing i cutt to gett ride of pain and im still hear ill give anything to feel the way i did with her... my freinds try to help they are kind hearted but my pain is to great. but what keeps me going is i know things will get better sooner and i will find happyness again

One month after my friend tried to kill herself, one of my friends succeeded in her suicide. I went to her memorial service, awestruck. I spent that summer in hopelessness, and deep depression. My parents were both extremely busy, and were never at home. I was the only child there, and I felt so alone.



Cutting became my companion. It started out just two or three, then ended up six or seven, and the number grew. I started out a cutter, then, attempted suicide several times. Obviously, not succeeding. Overdose many times, gun twice, cutting. But here I am. For some reason, I am still here.



from a insperation

life has many shared moments when fighting on is hard and u see through it and see your not alone i have many stories



to see other good writters

go to psyke.org



my work will be up dated

another long day full of bordom and saddness when will things get better

wow im out of the hospital 406 stitches view pic for reason its bloody

im back at last so many things have shanged or is it just me