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Recently I have been looking through the journals of some of my friends, more specifically that of Danyels. years...it has been years since I've spoken with her and as i look back into the pathways of my past i find many are lost to me.



Because of the way I have come to feel due to those journal entries i will be writing my own in hopes that perhaps someday others will know i missed them even as i went forth with my life.



Four years...maybe six will be spent in the military, for I desire it. I desire a better life for myself, a body i can be proud of and most of all to serve.



I find it so strange that once i was submissive and while i maintain those traits i find myself tapping into a more dominant side, only time will tell if i find it is for me. Dominance in the bedroom i do not mind, but i will not live another persons life for them.

Since last I was on here I have changed the direction of my path, chosen a different trail to pursue, however I will not leave behind those who held and hold my heart so dearly,

Those friends whom I ache to meet, to speak and be within their company.





I have lost weight, though it is not enough yet to get me into the Airforce, this is of course what I meant by having changed paths, it has taken me so very long to get to this point, I can only press on in hopes that I will make it.



I wished a belated birthday to my friend Danielle today, though I do not know if she received it or not, nor if she still calls vampire rave a home.



I feel lost in this day, so many people whom have meant so much to me have been lost, sincerely I pray within the dark to find at least Danielle within this mess I have created.



There are others that I look for, though I know them lost to the ages, unwilling or unable to ever speak with me again, though I do not know the reason for it, they will remain in my hearts forever, as shall Danielle. though desperately I hope to contact her once again, to establish that understanding relationship as friends that we had.



to others this would seem obsessive, and I can understand that point of view but then you must understand, I have few good friends,



everyone around me has now gone off into the world. there is nothing left for me in my home town, nothing left but for me to move on to places were I may find those who are good for me, and me for them, instead of the lies and the ignored words that I have so abundant here, they call me friend, but they do not mean it.