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I guess i'm an idiot. On another forum, I joined what was termed the dark realms. It was full of clans of daemons, vampires, wolves and others. I was told this was a place keen on manners, trust and honesty. I mistakenly believed i could be myself there, without judgements.

What i found was people so hurt by past relationships, past betrayals, that they believe that everyone is out to betray them. Trust was nonexistant and threats of death were a dime a dozen. Like on here, I was accused of doing something that I felt i didn't do. I apologized for those charges that i did but wasn't forgiven. Words and accusations were leveled against me, untrue and proven untrue but no reprimand or apologize was given to me.

I don't believe i am a malicious person, or a coniving one. Yet, like everyone i make a judgement call that comes back and bites me in the ass. Again, I struggle to show my loyalty and get hurt. I struggle to show my honesty and get blasted for it. So, I throw up my hands.

I am a soft hearted soul and it has been a struggle to stay that way. I don't want to become jaded like so many are on here. After 35 years, I guess i might have to start for my own protection. My desire to help people, please people, always overriding the need to protect my own feelings.

Some day I will learn to look out for number one. Some day my empathy won't get me into trouble. Some day I will prove to just one person who i really am.

COMMENTS

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shadowofmystry
19:47 May 13 2008

I hope you feel better. and that you can find a time you feel you can be urself again.

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