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Everything has lost its luster for me. I'm too ashamed to ask my husband for more blood today. So rather than admit I'm a junkie, I spend most of the day in bed, ate a handful of almonds (which tasted like dirt, really not a pleasurable experience), and lounged on the couch. I'm a sullen lump, drifting from place to place. My face is grey. My eyes look empty. I feel boring and uninteresting. I feel like a dirt-bag mother. I need a project. I need inspiration. I need blood. *cringe* Who the fuck am I right now?

I thought I had reached an age where there were no more personal surprises. Sure, a good old fashioned identity crisis here and there, but a discovery that shakes the very foundation of self seemed unfathomable. But here I am. 29 years old. A mother, wife--and now vampyre?



I've always been a bit unusual and have had uncommon health issues (that now make much more sense after my recent discovery) but it wasn't until I tasted my husband's blood that I realized that I wasn't operating at my full potential until just then. His blood revitalized me. Have you ever had a cocaine addiction? I have. I have had a lot of addictions. And nothing can compare to how I feel right now. Wishing that I could feel how I felt with his blood in my system. It was incredible how much energy I had. We've talked about it since the first time, and he's shared blood with me a few times since. But I know it isn't enough.



I find myself looking for donors on more-than-likely sketchy websites. I'm half considering visiting a goth bar in the next week or two in hopes of finding a female donor who is clean. There are so many risks! I'm elated just thinking about it.



I've always known that I had vampyric qualities. Feeding off of people energetically, feeling extremely tired after being with people, yet needing people to desire me in order to feel energized. I'm easily infatuated with people (men and women) but it never lasts long. Just long enough for me to get something from them. But I really thought I had stopped that behavior. I thought that antidepressants had made me more "normal" and "well-adjusted." The truth is, not feeding on psychic energy drove me to discover another way of feeding.



But now what? I need someone to tell me that this is perfectly fine. That I won't lie on my couch all day feeling completely drained, wishing someone would give me just a teaspoon (or two) of blood so that I can feel recharged and superhuman. Someone please tell me that you relate to this post and that I am not entirely insane. Also, if you have any suggestions for ways to satisfy this need, please share.



I really am very thankful to have found this community.