The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I have been awake for the past....78 hours....pondering over what this world has to offer me. I come to find that this world doesn't offer me anything but pain....Everything that I do in this world....just puts me back where I don't want to be...I don't want to be in pain anymore I don't want to hurt I don't want to love her anymore! I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night from a terror that is more than a dream.....I always looked at myself as a normal teenager in High School....But I look at everyone else...I don't see any pain in their eyes...You take one look at me and know that the pain is unbearable inside me....I have thought of suicide many of times...I don't like it...But after a while things like that start to seem really friendly.....In almost every person's life they go through something unreamarkable. They get through it...But what about us who don't get through it. Everything just keeps on coming and coming until we can't bear it anymore....Cutting doesn't do anything....Pills don't do anything...The drugs...don't do anything! I want to wake up in the morning and say " I'm not afraid to live today".....I don't want to live like this anymore!....Everyone says give it time....I have given it time!, about 6 years fucking time. I want the joy of life....I want the happiness I see in people....Why was this burden placed upon me...I feel like anything I do...turns out bad. I can't even look Joey in the face anymore and say I'm fine....I can't. He doesn't deserve all my burdens to be placed upon him. I have sent him to the hospital before because of my mood swings and I can't let that happen again. I have been pushing people away from me....I don't want to be me....Why can't I be somebody else.....?