Hey dad, I'm glad to know you're okay with me.20:05 Oct 12 2011
Times Read: 574
So, I probably already mentioned this, but when I was eleven, my dad passed away. He died of alcohol poisoning at his own hands, and to be quite honest, I'm glad he passed away before he could get worse. I know its an odd or even sick thing to say, but there was really no telling how far down he would go down that spiral. He even tried to bring mom down with him, but luckily that didn't happen. Sadly I can't say the same for my brother. It's been months since I've talked with my brother, and years since I've actually seen him.
Anyway, needless to say I do miss him from time to time, and I wonder how things would be if he were still alive. I could pretend and think that everything would be all better, and dad would have been back on track with his life, but I doubt that.
A couple nights ago I was stressing over school and work and pretty much everything and everyone involved in my immediate life. I still can't believe I had such a good sleep. I had a dream of my dad, and I will say that this has only happened three times in the past eight years. Each dream has been vastly different, and the first two were not unpleasant, but really not that wonderful either. I would also like to note that I'm really not into sappy movie crap, or even really believe in ghosts or spirits. But this did hit me on some level.
I was sitting in a truck stop near a bowling alley with mom, and we were talking about something, I'm not sure what, but it wasn't very important. It was rainy out, and we were just drinking coffee. At one point I looked out the window and saw a light blue truck parked out front, just sitting there. I decided to go out and speak to the driver, and to my great shock, it was dad sitting there. I think I was more surprised to see the truck really (He never drove one from what I remember). "I thought you were dead." I didn't know what else to say. "I am." I guess he didn't know what to say either. "What are you doing here? I think Charles needs you more right now..."
At this point, dads mouth began to move as if speaking, but no consistant words came out of his mouth. I managed to understand what he was saying though. "I'm proud of how you've turned out. Your mother did a better job than I could have. I'm happy that you've found your way through life so far, and as for your education? I'm happy that you've figured out what you love to do. You may not think that you are any good, but just keep trying. If you sit and talk with your mother I'm sure she will come to understand as well. Just try your best, you'll do fine pumpkin, everything will fall in place as its supposed to... One last thing... stop worrying so much of what could have been or how I feel about your lifestyle choices. Your hearts in the right place... That's all that matters." And with that I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that this was my brain trying to rationalize with me and calm me down, but I can't help but put sentimental value to this.
COMMENTS
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vladstick
21:42 Oct 12 2011
It is what it is: your dad communicating with you in a dream. If you were a Sioux native American female, you would talk this over with the Elder females in your tribe during Moon Lodge time and they would tell this dream is very special. Your dad is very peoud of you and he knows he could not help as best as he should have but he wants you to know he is proud of the way you turned out and he is telling you to trust your mom as a life guide b/c she can and will help you. Oh...and your heart is in the right place...your heart....so trust it. What I would give to have a dream like that from my parents now.
ciao,
vladstick