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I have a friend with whom I take lunch with daily, the other day he was especially naughty in his teasing of me regarding some matter in our lives. So I gave the frustrating man a few good smacks with my workplaces ID , when that failed I scratched him on the arm gently with the prosthetic horns I had brought to our lunch to show him (The horns are lovely and actually have a nice point at the end they are rather realistic and I am using them for my Hallows Eve costume this year).



Later when I had gone back to my usual business I received this from him.



I will have you know that I thoroughly enjoyed you fanning me and enthusiastically keeping me warm earlier. It was a blissful combination of heating slaps that radiated across my arm to the beat of your lovely face colliding against my forearm and the swift cooling breeze that generated from the air resistance as you defiantly stamped yourself to each heated contact point. However, I most certainly enjoyed the "hug and kiss" you left me with as you scored my arm with your horn-y self 😉 Whether it was intentional or not, the view and interaction were great highlights for today ... and for that, I thank you most kindly Mistress ♥







I get emails in a similar dramatic manner from him constantly, the last one I recieved before this was in regards to a wall that had been newly erected in his work place. "It has been two days since I awoke to find this blasted wall erected around me. I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the immediate change in the air ... the disconnection this wall has made. Why have the gods found it fit to punish us and our forbidden love?"



I do believe he is one of the most imaginative people I know.

I have this friend, he's a bit of...well actually he is a complete a**. But he's still one of my better friends. He told me today that he's getting married. He's not even 20 yet but apparently it is a marriage of means. His family is rich, so is hers. I was concerned for him. But he's told me he actually likes her. This isn't as well written as some of my entries but it doesn't matter.



I'm just writing to put this in my head. My friend is marrying a girl he doesn't love. For money and a bigger company. That amazes me. How will he feel in the future?



Would I ever do something similar? Marry so I can live well...I don't know. I really don't, because honestly it has crossed my mind. Letting someone take care of me instead of taking care of myself. But most of me fights that urge back. I hope she will not just leave all the company business to him, I hope she will take care of herself and contribute. I hope he will love her. I don't want to have to hold a 6'3 man and comfort him because of his marriage being a disaster.

This is to any that would hope to seek after me, I prefer females. I hate most men. I hate to be touched, it causes me great discomfort and disgust with myself and the person forcing said touch onto me, there are times I will allow it, but mostly I despise the feeling of another. I will admit this discomfort is mostly towards men. I will admit I have trauma. I will also admit that if there was not the fact that I have loved the feel of a fellow female more than a male since childhood my trauma may be the cause of my preference but it is not. I have always felt affection for all genders.





I WILL NEVER HIT ON YOU.

Let us go back in time. I was a young girl, not young or immature enough to be considered fully a child but not old or wise enough to be considered a full adult. It was the first time I felt love, it was an online relationship. I will admit that seems odd to some but it was not fake love, nor puppy love, it was deep and real to me. If he hurt me I felt as if I was drowning.

If he gave me attention my heart would sore in my chest giving resounding thumps of affection for my partner.



He was older than me, I will not say by how much, and he was tall (As was I since I am the same height of 5 feet 7 inches I am now.) 6 foot or more and beautiful to behold...handsome mixed with a softness as he wasn't a full grown man, all angular and well edged. He played guitar, his hands were beautiful as they moved over the strings. And he was British, his voice causing the usual reaction from a girl who loves accents.



My first love broke my heart...it felt like something was being ripped out, I had such feeling that my chest actually ached. It was terrifying, I thought I had some sort of heart issue so got examined by a doctor from the fear of it. Later my mother told me simply "Your heart just got broken, sometimes emotions can make your body hurt as if it was a real break. You're not sick, just sad."



My heart no longer does this, I must have lost that ability with enough breaks, a heart can only be broken so much after all.

So I've been told I am cold, yes I am. I am warm to those who deserve it but mainly I am a cold being. If I seem cold to you try to warm me up, I may come to like your presence.

Don't just decide I'm a cruel heartless b1tch and trash me for it. I do not take well to such behavior and will come at you in kind. Grow up, I do not care how old you are or young, grow some sense and maturity.

COMMENTS

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KieaCakes
08:23 Sep 20 2016

Let them be immature. At least then you know right away who to stay away from. Silver lining in everything. :)

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LunaKitsune
08:34 Sep 20 2016

Thank you, I try to. It's nice to see people like you

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I came back just to see her old profile, just to see one of the last shreds of her I had left. And immediately...I began to cry. I haven't cried for so long. I honestly didn't know I could. I thought my ability to cry was gone. But it was just lessened. And now I cry looking at her face and thinking "Why didn't you wait! Come back...I don't care how just come back." But that will never happen.



I need you, I love you, I crave you. But where are you?

Oh yeah...you're dead.

COMMENTS

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xRobin3x
16:16 Sep 16 2016

Sadly, that desire will always be there. All we can do to the ones we have lost, is to remember them. :)

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