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Every year those who fight fire gather to drink. We get plowed, smashed, loaded, I stumble across the key board to write this. The year, the one who drank to much sleeps on my couch, vomit bucket close at hand. When did I become mature and responsible? the rest drink at the bar til last call. I type on VR and hear him snore on my couch. I am lame, is it I can't hang, lightweight? Or am I the one who will forgo a night of debauchery to make sure sure my lifelong friends lives to see his wife an his children. Either case, that's what I will.



A good woman would change my life. I know that, but are there any takers.

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moonkissed
08:36 Feb 28 2009

it is good of you to look out for your friend.

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Weekends and holidays. Not enough time. Not enough hours in a day. Try and give attention equally and it gets even worse.



Tell them that guy is not your father, I am and you don't have to call him dad if you don't want to. Then hear about the punishment rendered for doing so the next week.



In there absence, the memories of when I yelled because one had gotten out of bed when all he wanted to do was say hi because I had worked late. When I sat one down forcefully for not sitting still at dinner and made her cry. So many things I wish I could take back.



In the end, the grown ups made choices and the children paid the price

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TheVampyreNico
05:17 Feb 14 2009

Its hard to be a parent to a child but, they need to learn in order to make it in this life time. Tough love is what it was called long time ago. I not sure what they call it nowadays. When they grow up to be adults then they will know why and what was done in the past so they won`t be so mean but find or learn new ways to help their children in the futures to come.

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The empty bottle of wine next to the empty bottle of pills.



The warm bath water turning crimson.



The leap, the fall, the loud bang, the bright light, the eternal sleep.



The fantasy which shall not be acted on only out of fear of the price. Fear of what waits on the other side. Fear for those left behind.



Fighting a war is always hard, especially when the enemy is your own mind.

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KamarillaKaine
19:10 Feb 08 2009

omg .. i love this !



and

i TOTALLY understand ..

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Mardigan
04:38 Feb 10 2009

thanks for understanding. It's a constant war and how do you win when it's yourself that you're fighting. And the dark thoughts are so powerful and so loud.



It has been said in other contexts if you can visualize it, you can do it. Let us hope they are wrong.

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TheVampyreNico
05:12 Feb 14 2009

Sounds like death to me but, we are eternal and can never die. We have a much stronger plan in life to learn it and listen and be mindful of all things around us. You need to stop fighting with yourself and embrace this dark gift for its all a part of us. Besides you will just keep hurting yourself and continue to suffer. Life is much more of greater value that any one can fathom.

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