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The ambien is not doing its job. Nor the scotch, percocet and skelaxin 2 of which were prescribed for the motherfucking painful as hell sprained wrist. The minutes tick away and the alarm will sound and I will have to be in DC by 1400.



Truth is my mind has wandered back to her, the one that got away, the one that let me go and for good reason no doubt. I can't help ask why. Why now, why 6 months later? Why ever? It's been a constant for a couple of weeks now and I thank God that I deleted her number out of my cell phone so as to preclude me from drunk dialing or texting. I've managed to keep my dignity so far, I'd like to stay that course.



She was wrong for me and I was wrong for her. She was childless and wanted children. I have two and am surgically retired from making any more. She was pursuing her education, I have my degree and am several years into a career. She has her whole life ahead of her, mine is largely behind me, except for retirement and grandparenthood. She and I shared no beliefs, religious, political, cultural. And she was Italian, which still brings frowns to the faces of the old timers of both sides when they see an Irishman like me and an Italian girl like her hand in hand. Silly, I know, but that's how it is in this neck of the woods.



Still, I knew so much happiness when I was with her. And now, there is this big hole where she used to be, even six months later. Her smile, her skin, her hair, her mind. The way she would jump into my lap when she would come to visit. The way we could talk about anything and everything. She would bring me out of my shell and very minute in her presence was just plain wonderful. I know that opposites attract, but can they ever stay that way?



I guess I can be glad I never told her I loved her. At least, I'll always have that secret.

COMMENTS

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Xzavier
10:59 Jul 20 2009

You do know scotch+perocet= quick liver damage right? I'm sorry you're in pain (trust me I know how it is) I'd just hate to see something worse happen as a result.



Ambien didn't work all that much for me either, the herb Valerian root on the other hand is somewhat effective. It's just a naturally occurring, smelly, herb that's used for sleep and/or anxiety. You can get a bottle of it just about anywhere for a few bucks. Might be worth a shot and wont interfere with anything you're taking other than making you sleepy.



Skelaxin is more of a muscle relaxant than anything else, if you have any bone, tendon or deep muscle damage it's effect may only be mild, if any.

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POST COMMENT

To all ,my wonderful friends, I apologize. I let the dark thoughts win and he darkness surround. I shut off the world, my friends, my family, my co-workers, even my children and of course all of you. I can't say that I've re-emerged into the light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps this is just a message in a bottle that made it to the other side.



I don't know why I can't just be happy and content. Why I can't just see the glass as half full. Why I only seem to want what I can't have or why I can't tell that which I don't want that thou art not wanted.



I guess I am cursed as are we all. I just haven't learned to turn the curse into an eternal party. I probably never will.