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Tired, In a rut

I don't know where this would lead me. Somehow I just figured It might make my life better. Now I am going back to where I started with even less than what I had. Time for some self exploration. This is not what I planned. Love is gone, and life is wrong. I never can get this right. Mabey the rut will leave me, but I have the feeling I have to strive. To touch the stars, to reach the heavens. I must struggle on. When I am like this I don't know what to think about. so many roads not tried yet. So much to do in the long run.Am I running from my fears or just struggling to get a hold of them. Life seemed easy so long ago, and now I am all tied up. I know in my heart the truth. I am tired of giving up.