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Being alive and feeling like you're dead on the inside.



Why did I trust him.. Why did I believe his promises.. Jess he's 47 ffs, you'd think he's 'sorted' mentally, but NO... he's got BPD and depression. and leaches on to kind natured people..

CUNT

SO now I ended it so save my heart.. he's cut me off, won't talk and has a NEW friend already..

Well. I think not..



Anyhow, this is how it went



It was NYE and my Clinically depressed boyfriend, cooked me pasta before we went out for the evening...



I was excited and happy... About the night, about our future, our plans etc. We were planning to move in together.



Well we sat down at the small table in the kitchen, and ate pasta.. I complimented it and finished.

He then asked if I'd like ice cream I said no thank you, I'd had enough.. He said are you sure, I said, yes.

He then said as he pulled the ice cream out of freezer Last chance for ice cream... I said no, i.m fine thank you.



He dished himself out a generous portion and sat opposite me. After a few mouthfuls, and my gazing sweetly at him thinking nice things he suddenly raised his voice at me saying WHAT!!?? Why are you looking at me, I hate it when people look at me while I am eating.

I felt instantly uncomfortable and said, But it's me.. and I was meaning no harm.. I was happy and enjoying watching him enjoy his dessert.

He said. I don't care who it is, I don't like anyone doing it. [ harsh tone]

I didn't know where to look, and look out the window and felt totally deflated.

He then blurted out OI.. I said yes? I don't know where t look now. He said I sounded like a petulant child just then.



I made an excuse to leave the table and went upstairs.. My excitement for tonight has been wiped off my face. He came upstairs a few moments later and said he wasn't going to apologise for what he said as it's how he feels.

Well yes I agree talk feelings... but it's HOW you say it. right?

Well I said I didn't feel like going out and wanted to go home.. So I did. So NYE 10,30 pm I was in bed and feeling very sad and lost.



I tried to call him the next day, and he ignored me... I left him be for a further 3 days.. nothing from him... Angry with himself, very possible as he would often get angry with himself for being a shit.

Still no apology..



I went to his house and ended it... I deserve to be happy not to made sad.

I don't think I over reacted, it was rude and cruel to upset me.

He says he can't be the man he wants to me and I deserve better...

It's not about what you say, It's about HOW you fucking SAY IT!!



There are a hundred different ways of saying things.. And if you choose to speak to me unjustifiably in a cruel manner... Expect me to tell you to fuck off and don't come back.





RANT OVER..

COMMENTS

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GettoSuperStar
03:07 Jan 03 2015

BITCH please!!!



You can't change a man, so get over it!

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