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Already, I reached an age I can say I'm not old yet but also not very young anymore. It's almost the mid of the possible human lifespan. Over the course of my life I have accepted death for myself. To be mortal is nothing to regret being that way. I can live with the fact that at some point everything comes to an end with me, and I like it that way. But also the life teached me early what lost feels like, every time it's nothing easy to cope with. I went through a lot in my life, but also many good things happened, had cool experiences and explored some different places of the world already. I'm always trying to keep the life as enjoyable as possible, as long as I exist. Can't say I've seen enough already, but if I die tomorrow I wouldn't mind.

Now I'm on the point to remember a very weird memory from my childhood. There was a mysterious girl who once appeared in my room at nigh. I was lying in my bed and she was just sitting in front of me on the floor and talked with me. After that I wasn't sure on the next day if it was just a dream, but it felt very real. Cannot really rember our conversation and if she haunted me more than once. But I remember she told me something about vampiric beings for who humans are food, be it flesh and blood or even the soul. She told me that such beings exist and that she herself is one of them, but she would refrain from consuming me if I'm not ready for it. All I remember about her appereance is that she was very pale but all the more pretty, she was in the same age like me. She told me something weird, something about she could devour my soul by a kiss, things about beings with an hunger for my blood and to bite me or to suck out my soul. I was highest 6 years old. It was the beginning of my fantasising to be bitten or get my soul sucked out by a kiss, so to say to get devoured completely. This desire to get devoured by a shy and sweet seeming, beautiful prettyface vampiress, such like the effect this girl had on me...
This thoughts I got since my early childhood, since this dream, or could it have been real? This early fantasy, as if I'd be meant to it, as if this is my fate and all I'm seeking for, as if it is my nature to belong to something what has in nature to seduce me and to consume me. As if I were born to be food for something alluring, mysterious superhuman beings above me in the food chain. If this wasn't real, how I could know about it as an infant child who couldn't know anything about vampires, what else aroused this fantasies, these longings in me? Was it an escape from reality after a traumatic experience I had before, or throve me childish fantasies and night dreams?

And why return these thoughts after a quarter century later, after realizing of their existence - Is that my destiny, is it my fate to fall victim to a vampire some day, am I born and meant for that? Why is this desire pulling me in that strong? Why when I feel such a suction coming from someone, it's that irresistible urge just to let it happen to me?

If a predator is that attracting because of its innocent sweet seeming, charm and scent, that makes it's deadlyness to good to be true.

I can't quite say what exactly I'm looking in a vampiress for - If there are several options; it wouldn't matter if just donating or to get into a lucky relationship with someone vampiric, if it leads in belonging to someone, or to fall victim literally being eaten up by someone who considers humans for food. Death is inevitable anyway, why not if in that exciting way...
All those possibilities I'd like the same, that's a weird fact.