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its the hardest thing to talk about cause it brakes my heart to think about it
but I have not talked to her in a long time cause of my ex inlaws and ex-husband put shit in her damn head about me which broke my heart big time but now i have 2 grandkids whom i never see anymore and to find out i have a grand daughter which was really tiny i dont think she lived long enough.

well, today went good so far I woke up made a pot of coffee for my aunt Judy and then logged on here to level a little and post in my journal and then went out with my aunts to get smokes and ice coffee which was not good cause the girl that made them did not do a good job at Dunkin donuts she was really rude with my aunt so were not going back to that store anymore I had to put some more cream in my ice coffee to make it taste better which helped a lot.
so now I'm sitting here posting some more stuff that is on my mind it takes some time to think about what to post it's like my mind is blank as hell and I can't think sometimes I just sit here and read journals some times I even leave commands on them.

I have been in a good mood all-day

I'm doing some stuff on here to level up a little but every time I get up there in level and i log off for the night and then log back on the next day I fall down a level or two its like a game of leveling again and again been stuck at 93.28 for the past few days now which really sucks.

things have been going pretty good for me so far even though I have to take meds for the rest of my life it's all good though i,ll live through it.
(it's a hard thing to go through)

another day
it's 4:51 am in the morning and I'm sitting here drinking coffee and thinking to myself what the hell am I doing up this early but again I'm always up this early with my aunt drinking coffee with her even though I'm sick with a cold.
things have been really rough for me the past few years with my parents gone and me living with my aunt sometimes we fight over stupid shit but it's not as bad as the fights I had with my mom thinking back I feel bad she was the only one that was in my life cause my dad was always in and out of my life growing up he was always busy with his new family to come see me or even take me out for lunch I always took it out on my mom for what my dad always did to me i grew up to hate my dad. (I know hate is a strong word)but I Just could not help it his girlfriend grew to hate me for some reason she did not even want my little brother near me but he always came with my dad to see me even though i did,nt want them around deep in my head.
yeah, now I love and miss my dad so much but not as much as I miss my mom it might because she raised me on her own without any help from him.

went to the doctor the other day and found out that I have
parkins disease and he put me on meds for it which sucks big
time I don't only have parkins I also have PTSD and bipolar
so I'm on so many meds.

her parents were her life when she lost them both
she lost herself she did not know what to do anymore
since they both passed away.
she misses them so much it kills her deep inside
but she knows she has to go on with her life no
matter what.

Happy new years everyone