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Sometimes it’s just using one’s imagination but other times it’s considered maladaptive daydreaming which is a trauma response.
There are a lot of fantasies one can dream up I was looking into understanding why people have revenge or justice fantasies.
It seems the reason is because they can control the narrative of their life.
Last night I was thinking on the feelings of anger and sadness but I feel like it lead into this.
Most people daydream or fantasize when they are bored or lonely at times.
But others daydream or fantasize as a way to avoid hard feelings like sadness.
The way I understand it sadness is the feeling that anger is born from which at first seemed very weird to me when my therapist told me.
Some traumatized people use anger to keep others at arms length but also there is this strange push pull when they also have abandonment issues. Deep down they don’t want to be alone but they also do not want to have to relive the pain of being left or abandoned. To me being left by someone is the same chemical mechanism as when someone dies. You still grieve but maybe not in the same way as death but the notion is still there. You suffer from the loss of feel good chemicals that have been flooding your body. Which in a sense means that you are addicted to the feeling they give you. This is why trauma bonds are difficult to break it is an addiction. They give and take in such a way it floods you with good feelings and then they crash your nervous system then bring it up again with being nice to you. Of course that’s the toxic end of it. Sadly I feel some are not aware they are even stuck in that cycle until they are educated on how the body works physiologically.

I wonder sometimes why some people focus more on anger than their sadness. I suppose maybe anger helps them feel less helpless, more powerful. Sadness can be a hard emotion to allow ourselves to feel sometimes. Some people use anger as a shield to hide a deep vulnerability and fear of being abandoned. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m sure others have done this. I believe this is another kind of human experience. Maybe an experience from someone who has lost so much in such a short amount of time. It left them completely broken.

I went out to check on the chrysalis and the butterfly is there. I read somewhere this is the most vulnerable they ever are in there metamorphosis because when they emerge, they can’t fly right away. I blessed it wished him or her safe travels

When I checked on the chrysalis this morning it had turned black over night. It actually turns transparent because now I’m able to see the black and orange color of its wings through the chrysalis. Should emerge in no time now.

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OccultRanger
15:01 Aug 28 2026

Those would make great pictures in your portfolio.

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MoonMade
15:38 Aug 28 2026

Unloaded picture to portfolio.

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OccultRanger
16:01 Aug 28 2026

???

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MoonMade
16:18 Aug 28 2026

I guess I didn’t edit it or something. 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol It’s showing up now. Sorry.

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OccultRanger
18:36 Aug 28 2026

Nice. You spotted it right before the change because it can take a couple weeks. I think we're all vulnerable right after changing.

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MoonMade
23:46 Aug 28 2026

I read about it a little after I found it. I didn’t know how long it had been there so I just had to go by the signs of it emerging. The butterfly is gone now no sign of it around.

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I found a green chrysalis this morning. I’m sure there’s some spiritual meaning because I have never seen one personally before and I’ve been on this earth for some decades now.
I don’t really feel a spiritual connection to it although I do feel quite maternal over it. I’ll keep an eye on it maybe I will be able to watch it emerge.

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OccultRanger
16:52 Aug 26 2026

That sounds cool to watch.

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I could say a lot about it but I won’t. I won’t shoulder the responsibility of how someone else acts that has nothing to do with me anymore. I can no longer be the reason you treat others poorly. I’m done talking, done trying to tell others what I already learned. They will have to learn the same way I did. Pain is a great teacher. I can just do my thing stay away from it and let what happens speak for itself.

Sadly for some things there is no healing. There are things so deeply rooted in me that can’t be removed. That no amount of therapy will take away. It is like you said some wounds are skin deep while some are large, deep gashes.
Sometimes I still wake up in cold sweats from nightmares. They have since started again in force since his death after years of remission even.
The thoughts are far from my mind but my body still remembers everything he did to hurt me.
The absolute 7 years of hell. Siblings can be abusers too. There will always be something not quite right about me. I will always be overly cautious of men. I will always be slow to trust. Never feel completely at ease in my body when they are around. I don’t hate men. Some of them just do things that immediately give me the ick.

I know it may be too soon to others for me to feel this way but I’m ready for fall to come.
I’m ready for cooler temperatures and cooking stews and soups in the crockpot. Baking cranberry orange muffins, pumpkin bread, cookies etc. I’m ready for shorter days and darkness. For nature’s sleep to settle over the landscape. To breathe in crisp autumn air.

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Cadrewolf2
21:59 Aug 19 2026

Amen, Bring on Fall

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Lap1s
13:21 Aug 20 2026

Yes! Definitely am so over the wildfires in my state!

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MoonMade
00:37 Aug 21 2026

I’m so sorry not sure where you are but I know there has been widespread wildfires all around in certain areas and maybe some I’m not aware of too.
It’s hard to feel safe when fire threatens life and property.

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It’s not you isolating me anymore. Now it’s me. That familiar numbness comes to settle in me again but there’s something quite and peaceful about it now. An acceptance to it. It wraps around me like a warm blanket. It’s not heavy in a suffocating way. It just is.

I don’t talk about what makes me sad anymore. I was accused of seeking attention for sharing my feelings with others. Now I don’t talk about those things. It’s spilling out over the edges today though. My heart aches and I feel alone. Isolated. What’s the point of sharing if people don’t seem to care anymore about others? Knowing that you’re not alone in the human experience helps. Usually writing in a personal journal is fine but some days you just want to know you’re not alone.

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Cadrewolf2
03:30 Aug 07 2026

sorry to hear this, be you always feelings or not

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OccultRanger
09:56 Aug 18 2026

I feel this way sometimes too. Why share your vulnerabilities openly and honestly in a journal then when others twist it into something ugly? I think it demonstrates you aren't jaded by them. That you can rise above their pettiness for the sake of the risk of making a connection. Thanks for sharing I appreciate it.

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MoonMade
18:25 Aug 18 2026

Admittedly it has become difficult for me to be vulnerable. Now I often go inside myself. Things become internalized and get turned in on myself. I think more than anything they revel in the pain they can cause me because unlike them I am vulnerable to their cruelty. Sometimes I feel my empathy is a disorder like they’re lack thereof is their disorder.

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OccultRanger
05:45 Aug 19 2026

There's a few narcissists on this site to be wary of. Best to learn who they are and why you allow yourself to get hurt by them to overcome it. Unlike the fairy tale we don't always get the happily ever after outcome.

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MoonMade
20:23 Aug 19 2026

Not sure why they are attracted to me. That’s always been a mystery me if I’m honest. Why I allow myself to be hurt by them? I never outright chose it. You can’t choose the family you are born into. After that I suppose it was learning to spot them. Now it’s not feeding them with a reaction if at all possible.
How does one turn off their empathy? How does one not see them for the pathetic creatures they are? How to not be moved to sadness for them? I know they can’t be saved from themselves. They have a blindness that prevents them from seeing themselves truly…

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OccultRanger
15:36 Aug 20 2026

I've found in my case it's not something I can turn off. Just like a season one can grow to a mature state that recognizes why they happen in their life and arm yourself against it. Journaling is very important to me to achieve this-"Know thyself". There seems to be many fellow empaths on this site that are stuck on using the manipulation tools themselves they learned from the narcissists rather than just just recognizing it for what it is and working on salvaging what's left of their life to make real meaningful connections.

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MoonMade
00:33 Aug 21 2026

I’m trying to salvage it. I really am. It just seems like an immeasurable shipwreck.

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