The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I’m convinced that if we don’t know that what we have grown up in is chaos that is what we will still seek and eventually try to build for ourselves in adulthood. Why? Familiarity. We know it, we understand it to a degree. Peace is strange and unsafe. It’s boring. Mind numbing. Too quiet. Sometimes so much so that we want to cause drama where there isn’t any. Gossip is one of those things. Now I’m not coming at it from a biblical sense. I just think talking bad about others is not a good trait. Venting for solutions to a problem is different from talking about others in order to cause problems between others for no good reason other than to make problems so you can in essence enjoy the show.
I guess the new generation calls this rage baiting. Social media is full of bored people that always have an opinion. For me I say just let them think it. I’m not obligated to join in the circus. There will be those that will say shitty things about you just to see a reaction from you. Remember any attention even negative attention is a reaction. I’m choosing to ignore people like this to the best of my ability. Petty flows in these veins and like any human I can forget myself and want to stand up for myself. If I learned anything about bullies in real life or online they don’t grasp the concept of no. So it usually comes down to removing myself from the scenario for a while until they lose interest or move onto someone else.
But man do I want to join in and be petty as fuck sometimes. But also now peace is not as hard to stay in as it used to be. I’m getting more comfortable with it. Maybe someday I’ll heal enough and I won’t crave chaos at all. I still crave toxic relationship dynamics but even that is slowly fading the more I sit in peace and fight the urge to just walk back into that whole situation.
It’s a strong pull like a drug but I am resisting and every stretch in between is getting longer and longer. Maybe I’ll finally be able to quit him.