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Well this weekend is one I thought wouldn't happen. I'm spending it over my ex's house you knw the one who broken my heart? well he has a "friend" aka friend with benefits. Turns out he still loves me and I went snooping thru his cell phone and saw something I shouldn't have. Boy am I hurt by that! He tells me he loves me but I think I disappointed him by doing that. But what does he expect I'm a scorned woman remember? but I think slowly but surely hopefully I will win him back. I want him to get rid of that girl thou. Saw my horoscope and hence the title venus conjunct pluto the astrological alignment where crimes of passion occur also wars fought and the greatest love poems were written. Please take advantage I know I am.

well today is a rainy and drizzly day and I love it! The rain makes me happy. i mean the endorphins in my brains totally react when it rains. I have class later I don't really want to go. But I'm here cause I have this group project for philosophy class and I gotta meet with them today. But, at least ill be done with school for the rest of the week. yah! I'm tired and drained of energy.

Ahhh as I move into November, there is a lot to reflect. My relationship in shambles, grandmother dead what else can go wrong. But, like the phoniex I shall rise again. It only takes time. I'm going to retreat like a hermit to get myself together. And then I shall rise and become a new re energized version of myself. I am moving on as life is constant and ever changing so shall I be. So many people are pricks especially on the bus I take to school. People act like black people are the worst! They never see that im the exact opposite of the stereotype but I don't put faith in People or humanity much.

Taking things day by day. Learning to let go. Still feeling a bit insecure, mopey, and depressed. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to change things to alter the outcome ya know. Wishing to find true love in the future. Hoping my true love appears at just the right time. So, now im working on growing up, maturing, and working on me. I know im of the darkness and it will always be so. So anyone who deals with me has to accept that. I need personal growth. Until then, im in the shadows

Did some prayers last night to help me get over him. I think it worked. I mean he has been in my thoughts lesser and lesser. So I guess it worked. Hell that's great news for me. I just gotta accept he is probably out of my life forever. We had two dogs also that I prob will never see again. Sigh! That's life isn't it.

Well today I realized if someone if going to come back they are going to come on their own accord. Can't make someone love you nor can you make someone be with you. If it was that easy everyone would have a mate ha! Oh well life goes on I suppose...

Im a bit sad today. My heart is burning from rejection. How could someone I love and who says loves me do something so heart breaking? Who knows all I know is this hurts. What can I do about it? Nothing but try to get closure and move on.