The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Theres just not alot to smile about latley. I konw I honestly have no right to complain about my life when theres so much suffering in the world but I'm honestly worried about myself. I'm never this down. Its never this hard to keep my mood up. Or be positive. I've become mean, and cocky, and I just dun get why I've changed. have alot to figure out within myself. I still dun have a job, or my licends, and its impossible to find a guy who doesnt fuck me over, or lead me on just to leave me on my own. Ands whats worse, My mom isnt happy either. And the only good thing about how I've been feeling latley is that I've felt closer to her. I feel lyk I can sympathize for her now more then I ever could. So maybe I'm starting to forgive her for all the shit she's put me through over the last 13 of my 18 years.



I feel lyk there is just so much pressure on me and I dun even know where its coming from. It makes no sense. I feel lyk I need to make a decision but I have no idea what it is and it leaves me perplexed every day. I dun mean to bitch and bring anyone down. I just thought maybe if I wrote down how I was feeling infront of my own eyes I could figure out whats wrong with me. I cant keep pretending I'm okay, cuz honestly, I'm not. But dont worry about me either, because I will be okay. I always bounce back. i'm just stuck in a bigger rut this time.



On the bright side though, there are a few people in my life that have made things so much easier for me. I have a few friends on here that will always mean a great deal to me. I'm glad I have Vr in that way because there are so many people who will relate and walk with you through your problems just trying to make your day alittle brighter, and to those who have thank you. You are golden. I'll never forget what you've done for me.



but in the real world I'm happy to say my friends here have done an enormously amazing job of making me smile. I dunno what I would do without my friend emo (nicole) we always seem to bring the best out of each other. and its nice that we oth can always call each other out on our bullshit haha. theres no secrets. Then scott, my best friend of almost 3 years. He's done veything he could to make my life simpler. He's honestly the bestest friend I could possibly ask for. Then theres Kira, who is just amazing, I love her. she's always there with advise. Always calling me on my bullshit and pushing me whenever I need to be pushed. I love her to death. Finally, Jarrett. Even though he's hurt me more then nemore latley and we're not allowed to be friends right now I still consider him my best friend. I realised I had no right to be mad at him but he still leaves me alittle confused, but he is my ebst friend because he has always put things out in the open. He hasnt kept me guessing, he jsut gave me the illusion that it was. But in all honesty the answers have been right in front of me and I was just thinking about it way to much and didnt see. and even though it seems stupid that in its self is a blessing. because at least theres one thing I do know, he loves me. Enough to do whatever it takes to make things simpler. :) Ijust wish he could read that himself. But oh well. lol If your still reading I'm sorry that i'm babbling haha. But I do feel better now :)

COMMENTS

-

---

Requiem
17:49 Oct 30 2011

Never apologize for trying to express how you feel. Ultimately, your journal is for you.



I am glad getting it all out helped you to feel better. :)



I do the same thing in mine from time to time. Bottling negativity inside myself never works - it just eats away like acid.



Babble away. It's good for you. :P

---

POST COMMENT