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So the past couple of days have been a lil bit hard . Like I had said before I was wandering if it was a calm before a storm , and I was correct. I can feel the world changing and rocking on its axis all around me.



I have also realized through the lifetimes being who and what I am is a sad existence. Old soul watch the change of time and people. We lose a lot of things because of this and that it feels that we are the cause. In a way everything we touch or have influence on turns to ash in our hands and we are always wanting more.



I understand now why they call us vampyre. This is neither a gift nor curse. like a coin it has two sides. Ihoping that wont let this get me down for it is in my nature. To others that read this know that you are not alone it is your call to change things around you for better or worse . This eternal cyle has its purpose as do we.

As my days turn inot nights and I watch them fade as the sun rises again. Im losing track of time and season. Feeling as though I have lifetimes of time left . Im beggining to grasp more and more . aslo learn and remember more and more .



Is this madnees or am I Feeling more alive everyday. Since I have never felt alive it weird to think Im feeling again not Anger or hate but peace. For so long I have been at war with my self blaming me and shedding my blood. All the bottles I emptied and the failed atempts on lives even my own . They all seem so distant as I watch mornig suns rise .



I realise I have seen the sun rise a million times but more and more I began to see the world through the eyes of old. In a new light and splendid beauty . Immune to its cares and fears

so detached but yet alive . Where will this lead me I may nevr know but as for the sun thats rising for the Morrow I great it with open arms

sleep has always escaped me at night since I was a child. But as the doors unlock I find myslef dreaming oddly as I sleep. my soul feel more restless and craves more creative works.



I feel soon my soul will be totaly free of its cage and all will be answered as I ahve gained so much in the last few weeks . more questions are apearing as old ones are answered . As this journey comes to a end a new chapter is starting . Rage no longer controls me but Im driven to succeed No matter the barrier.



As memories flow back into me rapidly I realize Im here to right the wrongs but first I have to slay whats left of my demons . centries have past and came and only now have I took the time to live freely and to learn from the mistakes and Bloodshed of the past.



To the future I will hold nothing back . To obsticles in my way I shall say be moved and they will be . For this time I embrace destiney and will use it to do great things . As for those who are around me I will stand strong and be the barrier they need while they are weak, and If struck down Its been a ride like no other. See ya next lifetime

As the thoughts have gone through my head as of late. Im begining to notice tendancies arisng . Imcreased want to create to make something out of nothing. Along with the need of being alone. Also I have found a thirst to begin my studies into thing of the shadows again . Embracing this old soul that been given to me.



As this journy gets more and more pretintious. im forced to ask is this a dream or am I actualy calm , collected, and getting stable in life. For so long I let the rage and vengance cossume me. it lead me to the bottle and to the recklessness that caused so much inner pain annd nearly cost me and others our lives.



As I finbaly have come out of the haze Im starting to feal alive again. after being dead for so long can I maintane this or have I finnaly gone mad and created a delusion . where i dont see the past but the future . Is this delusion gonna break and I fail agian. all this is crossing my mind as of late . But for now at least I have clarity,

So today is one of those days where I have learned something new also . I have found this place to be a Haven for me to express myself. So some of my art , poetry and free verse will most likely grace this place . Showing you more of me and my spirit .



As My life begins to look up from the mier clay Know that my twisted ideas and veiwpoints are only mine . I encourage for you to investigate you own convictions and ideas .

So this is my first entry. I dont quite know or understand the purpose or direction this journal will go but bare with me . please understand Im an obsever to this world and nothing more as you read these entries realize I dont mean to confuse or bewilder you but to display the workings of my methodicle mind and my feelings . Im always open to new thoughts, places ,and experiences. I tend to be impulsive . So let this meat grinder circus called my journal begin

COMMENTS

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LadyMusic
10:17 Jul 18 2010

If you are completely unsure where to begin just take a look at other people's Journals to see what they use them for. You'll find some interesting uses for the Journal. Many people also read these, & sometimes give feedback. Which are nice on occasion.

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