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I'm feeling so hurt. Seems everyone is taking the test and getting the really cool result but me. They all get to be the fun loving Fraggle with the big hair and I get to be Papa Smurf who gets to solve everyones problems and be the responsible person. How is this fair? I want a recount! Hey God can you change my results or even better make every one else get uncool results too. Wait I'm doing this wrong, Please Cancer can you do the magic you do and make everyone else's results turn uncool too. :) Please

Been a very good weekend. Went up to Versailles Saturday with the Rat and roleplayed for several hours VtM. Birdie couldn't go and was missed but she's usually just humoring us anyway. Yes she's a sweetheart. So we go in thinking after the last game it's got to be a fight episode but nope we have a full fledged mystery on our hands and it was a blast though we both discovered that sometimes taking hints are not our speciality. Sometimes you have to hit us with a brick and other times you might just need to drop an anvil on us before we figure it out. lol But we had fun together and that was the real purpose. Going to to it again real soon too.



Then Sunday, Rat, Birdie and I did get to go see then Pirates 3 movie after a bit of shuffling on the time/theater we made it. It was long but I still liked it. No I'm not going to describe the parts I didn't like and the things I did other than the ships at sea parts were much better this time around. Don't want to spoil it for anyone.



I did finally get to see Birdie''s new office and it's really cool nice and spacious with a comfortable loveseat to sit on. I do have to agree with her on the lobby color though, while I normally like green it's pretty bad the two shades they chose for above and below the chair rail just don't compliment each other. But her office is a calming place and would be just right if she only had a plant... lol just kidding Sis. No window means it'd just die.



But after a pretty lousy week it was sure a good weekend. Thanks to a Rat and a Bird and we even managed to embarass the Rat a bit in the theater, I think.... You don't know how hard that really is she's the brave one in this bunch. The Rat will lead the charge every time. Now that's usually after the Birdie has gotten us into the mess and the Cat has failed to convince everyone to just forget it. lol Love you guys.

Was sitting around talking the other night with my brother and his new girlfriend and while she’s a nice enough lady she’s not quite sure what to make of me or how to take me either. At one point my brother brought up a Thanksgiving dinner where I had brought my boyfriend to the house and proceeded to make jokes about him and how I’d ran him off with my unladylike behavior by flipping them off when they’d make nasty remarks and such.



I told them he’d never even noticed it since he was 6”6. At this point the girlfriend turns to me (she’s taller than my brother, by the way) and says you’re boyfriend was 6’6”? Yep a full foot taller than me but hey he also weighed 350 lbs and when I told her this she nearly fell from the chair. You could almost see her mind trying to work out the geometry. Damn it was funny. I finally had to lean over and tell her that it just didn’t work out though because he had to go and ask his preacher if he could ask me to marry him before he could ask me? (He was divorced) I’m funny about things like that!



But she’s also Southern Baptist and is working on that one, so I throw in that it was a good thing since I had run into him last year at the local Lowe’s hardware store and after I heard the most awful screaming and screeching coming from an isle and when I went around to see what was wrong it was him and his wife (married right after I broke it off) with 3 kids all dirty, screaming at the top of their lungs and crying and his wife bossy and grungy looking and him the most miserable looking thing I’d ever seen.



I quickly walked back away and when I got well out of sight I fell to my knees and praised every God and Goddess ever known for blessing me with that escape. She stared like I was insane while my family died laughing.

Okay I confess I usually get in this mood after rating a lot of whelps profiles and this time is no exception but honestly I just can’t help myself sometimes. I had a normal childhood (as far as I was concerned) but at no point do I ever remember anyone ever saying that everyone would always be nice and kind and never hurt me or use me or break my heart or any of the thousand of things they seem to be getting so emotionally distraught over.



These are the same type of things that they began feeling as little kids on the playground and should have begun learning then how to handle. What the hell happened? Is it no longer part of growing up? They write about cutting themselves to make it feel better! Bullshit! Sorry if that offends anyone but no way. Physical injury cannot fix an emotional problem, that’s like a splint for a headache, useless. It’s just another way of seeking attention instead of dealing with your emotions or the problem.



Even as children we have to deal with our problems, the bully says give him our lunch money or he’ll beat us up.

You have 3 options 1. Give it up 2. Get beat up 3. Whip his ass

Now I’m sure there are those who will point out that you can get your big brother/sister to intervene but things like that still put you back to fixing it yourself eventually. If you take option 1 you’re going hungry, which might be good for the waistline but will get old fast. Option 2 just hurts too much and option 3 well most of us are never going to be lucky enough to manage option 3 without a fairy godmother but if you do take option 3 another thing may happen. You will show both yourself and the bully that you are not willing to be pushed around by him or anyone else without a fight. Most bully types really aren’t looking for folks who will take them on. I actually didn’t get into many fights in school but as you may have guessed Option 3 was my choice and it never failed me. I was left battered once but respected and another time the fight never began but rather resulted in the aggressor becoming a friend who learned non-aggression is much more fun in a crowd.

Well I'm 5 hours into Summer Vacation and my 10 year old neice is home with me for the summer 5 days a week. I'll be babysitter her and her almost 3 year old brother and while he's not all that demanding on the conversation part, the usual no-no every so often and come here when he's ready for a hug. *See I'm not much for talking* I type and talk lots but I don't like talking out loud* yes I'm weird, old news~



My neice on the other hand loves to talk and talk and talk and ask questions and talk and she wants conversation. So far today we have discussed what she's going to read this summer 3 times, the teacher she wants next year 4 times, how she wants to write a summer newspaper at home by hand and has begun it and the stories for it 3 times. I can't go on! I need help for sure, perhaps I can send her to her grandma's and just keep the little one. Mom is crazy for talking as a matter of fact it makes her nuts that I don't talk more to her now. Hmm this could be a good thing after all.

After 1 1/2 weeks to get the test done 2 days to get the results back and all day waiting for the phone call the final results are, more tests are required- Well Hell!

I finally understand that I have put off doing the laundry too long when the only thing left clean to wear is too tight at the top and too big in the bottom. Must not do this anymore makes you spend the day tugging one up and the other down. *I'll say it for you Rat & Birdie-Big Dummy*

These are my sisters and I love them and the laughter they bring me every day.



Click Here to see their latest. Oh Rat you need to spell believe correct for that to be effective.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

I'd say Kiss my Ass, but it'd bring

too much joy to you.

Adam just hissed at me! As some of you know I tend my 2 1/2 year old nephew during the week and have since he was 1 month old. He's a handful but all in all a pretty good kid. But as with most a very picky eater. Today his allergies are bothering him and he's not wanting to eat so I keep trying to tempt him with different things. He's finally had enough I do believe because I just offered him a spoonful and he turned and hissed at me! Just like a cat or a vampire. Now he does have his own set of natural fangs top and bottom but since they're baby teeth I wasn't worried. lol Maybe I need to rethink that.

Hmmm I think VR offers a tshirt in his size...

There seems to be a learning curve with this new medication. It really has to be taken around the same time of day every day for it to be effective and as bad as the headaches are boy do I want it to be effective. I'm sitting up with a doozy right now when I should be sleeping. I'm going to try meditation I think to try and help myself along tonight but maybe dropping some of the clutter from my mind will help too.



It's been a good and bad weekend really, My brother whom I've not seen in 4 months came home and I'm glad for Mom but since I'm usually just a target for anger and smart ass comments I just don't enjoy it all that much and with all that I've got going on myself right now I have no patience for his stupidity at all. I told Mom this from the beginning and she's been careful to resist the urges she normally has to keep me constantly in the room with her and him. I've done a pretty good job of avoiding being in his company too much especially alone when he's in a mood to lash out. It is not the time to strike at me this weekend, normally turning the other cheek wouldn't be a problem but not right now. I just ain't in the mood for crap from anyone.



Then I find out one of my favorite cousins is hurt pretty bad in a car wreck along with her husband, they will survive but it'll be a long recovery for them both. Luckily their little boy was completely protected by his child safety seat. I say favorite cousins because I actually have about 4 or 5 dozen of them in all, many that I have never met. Angie is one I know and like a lot.



Worst part of the whole weekend was not once could I get together with my best friends those 2 women who are my life sisters. I really needed them this weekend too but instead I'm doing this family shit and now it's back to work for us all and maybe we can work it out to see each other for a few minutes sometime this week or not. I hate it but I'm stuck sometimes by my responsibilities.



I know I probably won't find out anything and really have nothing to worry about but for some reason I'm starting to get nervous about ultra sound Tuesday. Why I don't know, I doubt it's going to hurt so that's not it and I really don't thing it's what they're checking for and the other will be blood work so why am I getting uptight about it? Just another thing to keep me awake I guess. I need to at least pretend to sleep so it's time to try that meditation I've been working on. Stabb was kind enough to share a visualization with me and I think it might help tonight since it's pain I'm wanting to ignore so I can sleep. I sure hope so. lol Otherwise maybe he'll send that little ninja of his to whack out the part of my brain that's hurting so bad but leave my sense of humor please! Maybe not my luck he'd get the humor and I'd be stuck an old sourpuss... no comments from the animal gallery~

This one's real useful, isn't it?

Okay I've been quiet so long but I'm about to bust on this score. For a few days now there has been a thread in the forum about hearing your name called and no one there. Now there is one about someone watching you but no one is there. They likened it to the same thing as the name calling. I can't stop laughing at this one. See unless you have a very odd name or live at the South Pole this may have a simple explanation.



For example in my case, my name is Connie I have a cousin named Ronnie who has a brother named Johnny and we have another cousin named Lonnie who has a brother named Donny. See where I'm going with this, Bill-Will, Mandy-Sandy and so on. Now yes I suspect this may also be why mothers, at least in the South, add our middle names when they call for us so that the right child actually responds (since if they don't you can not answer and then claim you thought it was one of the others being yelled for).



I would be a lot more prone to believe this to be the cause of calls of my name than specters or whatever but then when you add into the mix the number of times I have dozed off *even as an adult* only to awaken hearing my name called by one of my parents voices and usually in that tone that required either my immediate presense or nessicated my finding the best hiding place for the next few minutes one or the other but I must admit I have never suspected a ghost of calling my name.



That is not to say I don't believe in them, having visited a large Civil War Battlefield Cementary where an ambush took place I can tell you this much there are some things that are not resting in peace there. Since I don't consider myself sensitive and I felt it strongly I'd hate to see how a true empath reacted to a few minutes alone there as I had.

I logged on tonight thinking I'd try to catch up on my profile rating which is about 3 days behind. I finally realized that I would be unable to complete my favor pledge of 500 for the week and I didn't with this pain I could only manage 300. *fyi-that's not bragging folks I'm pretty disgusted with that sorry number, everyone has things they can do better and that's mine* So for the first time since I became a Gladiator for the house I failed to meet my pledge. But no one is getting upset about it but me, as usual. lol



So I log on and I decide I'm coming out of lurking too. Since I've been feeling so bad I've been spending a lot of time doing that and so haven't spent much time talking to my friends here. It was nice to see that I just rated my first profile when the messages started coming in. My friends that hadn't seen me on in a while hadn't forgot me, nor were they mad because I had been hiding from the world either. So instead of rating profiles I have spent about 4 hours catching up on the lives of so many special people here that I feel very much better. I'm really glad I quit hiding and while I'm still behind in my ratings I'm much better off in my mind.

Thanks everyone for hanging in there for me to get ready to talk again.



I've lowered my sights for this week and only pledged 350 and one way or another I'll make my goal, you wait and see, by golly!

I was never fond of merry go rounds and today was no exception as I now find myself on one. The doctor's visit to get the test results yielded a new and more urgent problem that I have to get more tests done on before we can address the problems with my discs. There are at least 2 or more tests that I'm going to have to have very soon and neither one sound very pleasant but this is one of those things you can't ignore. Now I think I'll most likely stop with the updates since this isn't something I want to talk a lot about so the only thing I'll say is talk to your doctor about any odd thing even if you think it is just a normal part of getting older, it may not be.

Well the doctor's office just called and he wants me to be in his office first thing in the morning. All the nurse would confirm was that the MRI did show some problems in C-4 through C-6. Well hell, that just don't sound fun at all. I wonder if I get to wear one of those funny looking Halo rigs, naw I think that's just if you break your neck. I 'm not that far yet! lol

Cross your fingers folks, this could become a bumpy ride.





PS- I'm not giving up rollercoasters!

Okay folks I'm writing this about an MRI I had today and didn't enjoy the experience, so it's long and silly and you probably won't want to waste your time reading it, okay? :)



Made it through the MRI, even though it was a brand new center it was not an open MRI so I got to feel like a can of biscuit dough about to burst. I had been warned to expect them to strap my one arm down but they didn't so I was thinking cool. Then I'm wearing ear plugs and they have me put my head in the block and he brings a hard plastic brace that bolts down over my face to keep me immoble, there are pads beside my head too for the same thing, there's not an inch of give in any direction now.



Plus they took my glasses and I'm blind without them. The tech starts sliding the board back into the tube and just past my shoulders I discover that the table is broken and cannot be lowered any and my arms are barely going to fit. He brings me back out and we reposition them and he puts the call button back in my hand and starts me back inside inch by inch, I just closed my eyes and waited for it to be done.



Finally he says that's far enough and Oh goodie my arms are pinned at the elbow against me on both sides with no movement possible at all. So here I lay on the table (cause that ain't no bed) completely pinned from forearm upwards, hell the only thing I could actually move was my feet. I'm in a round, bright light white drum and cannot see anything but bright light if I open my eyes. Then the fellow tells me it'll be at least 1/2 hour and to press the call button, but it'll take him a few to get back in here. *damn I hope I don't have an emergency*



He leaves the machine fires up and I'm real grateful for the ear plugs but they also add to the sensory depravation I"m feeling.

So for the next half hour I'm hearing strange muffled noises mixed with bouts of silence, having to keep my eyes closed or being light blind if I don't and pretty much completely unable to move. I concentrated very heavily on my breathing and tried to ignore the pain in my right elbow as the machine pressing into it. I admit a couple of times I didn't think I could stick it out but I kept reminding myself that nothing was really causing me injury and I was not going to be stuck inside there just because the blood flow to my arms was restricted and they were swelling a bit *or was that all in my mind*



When it was done, the tech came and was great about letting me know he was back before he touched me so I wasn't scared and then he pulled me right out there. Helped me up and off the table, he sounded pretty happy I hadn't freaked out (I think) I was really tempted to ask if anyone else of my size had ever made it through that thing, but I didn't get the chance. He said he needed me to sign a form the new clerk forgot to get me to sign verfying I had no metal in my body. Hell they asked me enough times about it! Then he holds his arm out toward me, I could tell because of the dark color of his shirt sleeve.



I just looked up toward his face and said "you have my glasses, if you want my signature, put the pen in my hand and guide me to the paper" He laughed and did that since my glasses were locked with my purse in another room then laughed again when I leaned over to find the spot to sign and had to nearly put my nose on the paper, (what part of damn near blind don't folks understand) I did get worried when he started asking me about how long ago did my pain and numbness start and was I absolutely sure I didn't have any accidents around that time or a minor car wreck? I looked at him and said Nope, none I remember! He looked confused a bit and then said my doctor should have the results by tomorrow. Okay after that conversation, who doesn't dread talking to the doctor?

Doctors office called a while ago and my insurance company didn't put up much fuss at all about the MRI. So it's scheduled for early tomorrow morning. My cousin has already tried to scare me with the "tight places" worry. Get real, I'm a fat chick, I know all about tight things.

Then it's the you have to be still and quiet while it's run. Okay now most anyone who knows me will tell you, I can lean in the corner and fall asleep anytime of the day or night. So if I have to lay still that's fine, turn off the lights and give me a blanket and I'm good. I'm much more worried about the results than I am the test. While I've had lots of injuries over the years I have never hurt my spine so to hear that it may be in my neck worries me a bit. But heck there's nothing I can do but find out and take care of it then, so wish me luck!

Okay I've been working toward this number for a month now and it has really seemed to take so much longer than the first 2 blocks did. I wonder how long and hard it will be to make it to 40.

Nightgame

Detail Master

Forum Master

Favor earned: 30000

Okay doctors visit was good and bad! lol Aren't they always. He does not believe it is nerve damage by the diabetes, yea!! He does think I may have a pinched nerve or slipped disc in my neck and is scheduling an MRI. Boo hiss... he also says he's pretty sure my headaches are being caused by this pain and tension. I actually like this doc because he understands my dislike of pain medicine so he asks me if I want any or do I want to keep using Advil? Easy answer, advil, I hate taking pain medicine for any length of time and especially something that hurts as often as my neck. So we'll just see what the MRI shows, next week.

I've been out of it for a couple of days and so have fallen way behind in the things I like to do here to keep up. There are a great many journals that I normally read than I have not and let's not even touch all the profiles I have not rated. It's going to be ugly when I try to catch up is all I can think. I've also fallen behind in my favor pledge so sometime in the next 2 days I have to earn 400. I can do it but it will be a push. All this because of a weird health problem that is driving me a little nuts. I'm having trouble with the muscles and nerves in my arm. My shoulder hurts bad and even locks up but the rest of my arm goes numb and stays that way for hours and hours. I've noticed the problem for a bit and tried to determine if I have been doing anything to cause it but I can't find it. So I'm in to the Doctor's office tomorrow and I dread it. Not just all the moving and twisting he's going to do but I'm really scared of hearing the thing I dread the worst, nerve damage. It's something I was warned to watch for when I first was diagnosed with diabetes years back. I've been lucky and really don't want that to change. I can't change it by worrying so I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope I have somehow just pulled a muscle, yea right!

The other day I referred to VR as a soap opera, well upon further consideration I must correct that description by adding a special section called Romper Room. (For those not old enough it used to be a preschool show, predates Sesame Street, yes I’m old)



I was watching another episode of VR the other day and discovered this show. If you or any of your friends happen to disagree or express a differing opinion from someone else, you must swear hatred and ill will toward them forever more. Just like the sandbox when we were kids.



Except in VR terms that mean you must take every opportunity to fuss at them in the vamp box and degrade any opinions they might express in the forums. We must never forget that at some time in the recent or distant past they said or did something that we or one of our friends didn’t like or agree with.



Then the offended party and all of their friends must gather together and visit the profile and stuff of the offending party and their friends when applicable and rate them poorly with no comment of course, because there is no explaining this childish behavior.



Now I ask you, is this Romper Room or not? Since when have we not been able to disagree then move on and talk and act like intelligent adults? Instead there are a few who want us all to act like little kids still playing on the swing sets and fighting for turns on the slide.



This is a wonderful place to visit and play, learn and enjoy the company and different opinions of others that we might never be privileged enough to meet any other way. Personally I was always a big fan of the teeter-totter and left the swings to the ones who couldn’t make enough friends to have anyone to play with. That much hasn’t changed even in adulthood.

I spent over 2 solid hours trying to get the music setup for VW, first had to go find the song then get that darn fileden.com to work for me then code it for the profile. *if anyone says simple here, I will have to find a way to beam evil things over the internet to hurt you*

While I'm working on it I get it to play on my profile but Rat can't hear it. So I put my old code back on for WolfMoon and now it doesn't work for either of us. Argh isn't strong enough at that point, so I got another Diet Mt Dew and went back to it. Finally I have my profile music back to normal, and the song Rat wants is playing on her profile *for me only* as I come to find out when she and Birdie check it. I give the hell up for tonight. I must be missing something simple but I can't see it at the moment. I'll figure it out tomorrow and then just be irked that it took so long. Then to top it all off the Bird and the Rat start talking about urinating. Okay we're adults and I refuse to say pee. Now here I sit after midnight and on my 3rd Diet Mt Dew and they have to go and bring that up. If you want the really icky part of the conversation go see Rat's journal she decided to bare it all for the world to see. Birdie will take care of that for me *evil grin*

You know I had never listened to the Cruxshadows before tonight now I think I'll be hearing them for weeks.