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I come to the darkness to meditate; I've been thinking all day, about where my energy would best be spent. For me, it's usually between acting and music. Sometimes the fantasy of being a housewife and giving up work altogether enters my mind too. Upon reflection, I have decided once again to go in the direction of music, knowing how hard it is, but also knowing what I need to do to make it a success. I've never felt comfortable being fully committed to anything: a person, a career, a lifestyle...I ALWAYS leave myself an out, an escape route...but, until I make a decision and fully commit myself to one path, I will always be full of "potential" energy and never really get anywhere new.

I just came home to a nasty bitch, after working twelve hours on my feet, pouring alcoholic beverages I can't drink because I'm an alcoholic...

OK, but I'm going Neo Christian Gothic Vampire or not at all.

...I am being courted to perform on a Christian music tour...I keep thinking about how Katy Perry went from Christian to Pop, because the Christian music thing wasn't working for her any more. So, what would I be doing - going from Indie to Christian, because Indie wasn't working for me any more? People KNOW I'm NOT a Christian, RIGHT?

I just want to live a life of perpetual fantasy; is that really SO MUCH to ask???

I currently have ZERO days off from work, so I'm wondering if I should pay my roommate to clean the bathroom for me, so I can enjoy my 1/2 day off to myself right now...

Whenever I get down, thinking about people who don't like me, or how I'm not where I'd like to be in my career or my life in general, I take comfort in the thought that pretty much every asshole who has hurt me has suffered and died an early death...