Heavy Trigger Warnings, My battle to here13:04 Oct 21 2018
Times Read: 452
At 3 my biological split up, he goes starts a new family, has nothing to do with me again until I'm 17 apart from sending presents to my Nan's house and one short phone,
She is pregnant with my youngest half brother, along with myself, my sister and the arsehole who knocked her up we move to a caravan site and then into a little village,
4, she's had the kid, he's come violent, beating my sister and mum around, I remember one day seeing their head bouncing off the washing machine, then me biting him in the bollocks and him leaving, I already knew this shit was wrong!
5 and my dark waters come rolling in, her and my sister are either arguing or always out, along with babysitters, I'm left raising my brother,
then a male babysitter takes a shine to me, one of his favourite tricks was when the fire needed sorting and we needed coal, I would go outside to fill a bucket up, he would shut me out in the cold for at least ten minutes, then when we got back in, and made the fire up, he's make it smoke and get me to lay below the smoke
On an upside I've learned how to cook and bake,
6 After a year my rage is getting bad, non question why, she and my sister think it's because of their abuser, my sister at least got some military boyfriends/penpals to come train and discipline me, which sort of helps
7 is pretty much the same, apart from now my sister leaves home and I truly am alone
8, Something happen, I break his spell/had enough of it, maybe having sex with a couple of my female babysitters has helped,
And she has stopped being an alcoholic, then I hit her with what's been going on with me, now she wasn't your true parent, she went to see his, walked away with a big check and a better Christmas like it was nothing (I wish I was joking)
So my next approach is actually talk to my bio him, (that short phone call) I sit bravely in tears, in social services and tell him and ask him for help, he puts the phone down,
So here I realise I can't trust anyone and I'll get me through this, becoming the alpha of the house,
9, She enforces the resolve when she remarries (not the issue) then allows my abuser to be the best man, though the great thing about my stepdad was he was disabled, so it was the last time my abuser tried anything,
Even my stepdad respected I was alpha and clearly the bitch of the household, with my real gender showing through even then, anytime I'm at my strongest
Though for a time, everything is peaceful, well sort of, I go to school and try to forget, though the trauma's have taken over, PTSD kicks in fights, Police at the door for said fights, mainly knocking the living crap out of bullies,
14, stepdad leaves, cheating on her, no big surprise, though back to just me, looking out for me,
15 we move into the town,
16 was THE best I started college, I moved out, was able to experiment with my looks, though an androgynous goth, 6ft 4 in a small closed minded town, more fights over my looks
17, First my nan passed, the it was my turn to have a physically abusive ex, I have scars on my head to prove it,
Then I leave then the town, I made a promise to my nan to give him a chance, please note my nan had no clue what happened including him putting the phone down on me, as this would of killed her faster and she died at 62 as it was,
So against my better judgement and knew/had an idea of how this would play out, I go and low and behold, he was predictable, all silver spoon, though before I get my own place in the city, I make damn sure he knows all the scars and what he could of saved his 8 year old kid from, when he put the phone down, I made sure he wept guilt, then left, telling them how I don't need them,
The rest is just a series of bad relationships, getting diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar, homeless 3 times, 2 massive breakdown which brings me to last Christmas, where I finally process all and remember I am a woman in a man's body and now moving forward for a much bright future with my wonderful partner/s
COMMENTS
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Fizbop
22:47 Oct 22 2018
I'm sorry that these things have happened to you though glad you have a partner to help you with your mental issues.
From what I know of you, you're a wonderful person dealt a bad hand in life.
I'm always here for you, you are a very beautiful woman.
Mrsdraculaimpaler1994
05:07 Nov 14 2018
You r very very beautiful
hannahrose
10:32 Nov 21 2018
YOUARE VERY COURAGEOUS AND I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE SUFFERING YOU WENT THRU ADN I AM PROUD THAT YOU FOUND YOUR STRENGTH AND THAT YOU CONTINUE TO BE SUCH A CARING AND POSITIVE PERSON.