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Today I smile,

Not because I got a good grade,

Or that I found five bucks,

Or even that I got to get my favorite food today at lunch.

But,

Today I smile,

Because I saw you.

Your innocent smile,

Your glowing eyes,

Your “look-at-me” personality.

Just everything about you makes me smile.

Your ideas of fun are outrageous and exotic,

Your ideas of pain are downright scary!

Your ideas of love are just like mine.

Today I smile,

Because I love you.

Today I smile,

Because you love me too.

I’ve thought about it,

And,

I thought I knew where I was going,

But,

I know now who holds me back,

It’s not my friends,

Any of them,

It’s not my parents,

It’s not my teachers,

It’s me.

I sit there and stare,

Happy for them,

I sit there and stare,

Into the mirror,

And cry.

For no reason,

Just like there’s no reason to smile,

But,

In my heart,

I know now,

That I can “surge forward”,

Not shed a tear,

And smile,

For no reason.



(yes, it is possible for me to write happy-go-lucky stuff)

I’m asleep. Finally asleep after four hours of drama and crying. My eyes are swollen shut, I’m in a state of shock. All of this is happening and yet I have the logic to tell what trauma I’m going through.

It’s like… my soul has been ripped from me and cut into pieces with shards of glass.

My life is over.

And yet I’m at total peace.

No school for me tomorrow.

No breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

No conversations.

No hanging out with my friends now.

I’m cold. But I feel light as a feather. Nothings’ wrong. But the hurt is still there.

No nothing anymore.

I’m not dreaming.

I’m dead.







( I know it's not really a poem, but it's not really a story eaither)

Refused.

Punished.

Rejected.

For being my self, my quiet, shy self.

I am

Refused.

Punished.

Rejected.

For being “that one new kid”

I am

Refused.

Punished.

Rejected.

Friends are nothing to me. They cause pain I do not need. Yet I pray to have a friend every night.

I am hated. But somewhere someone loves me. Maybe when my rope is tight enough I’ll go to God and see what I’ve done wrong.

Why I am

Refused.

Punished.

Rejected.

God won’t even love me.

I used to care,

But now I can relax,



I used to be tense,

But now I am care-free,



I used to frown,

But now I smile,



I used to cry my worries away,

But now I simply laugh it off,



I used to see with my eyes,

But now I see with my mind,



I used to wonder,

But now I know,



I used to dance,

But now I sing,



I used to imagine,

But now I create.



“You want some advice? I say just kick-it. Ride the wave.”

With tears that rolled,

The blood shed,

The thoughts surfaced,

As you bend over on your knees in the middle of the floor,

With the razor ready, you cry, “I want it to be over already!”

Then the razor slices down,

You feel of relief rushes over you, it didn’t hit the vein this time.

You sigh a sigh of relief,

You put a sweater on to cover up the pain,

Go outside to get a breather, and whisper to yourself “It’s ok now”

You take a seat on the curb,

Thinking about what you did.

Crying isn’t enough,

No one you can talk to,

But you know they love you,

School is worthless,

No future ahead, you think,

No reason to live, you think,

You see a shard of glass twinkling in the lamplight from the street lamp overhead,

You pick it up… considering your fate,

You want it to end, there’s no future,

But Mom comes out and yells for you to come in.

She slams the door, and you slowly rise.

Your up the steps when two men drive by. They saw your sweater, and thought the design was a rival gang sign.

They shoot.

They’re gone.

You’re dead.



You got your wish.