The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Some were along the lines i have realized i have failed at just about every thing, i keep trying to figure out why, i failed at marriage, i have failed in every relationship i have ever had, i mean i must be doing something wrong, every guy i have ever been with has cheated, lied, 3 different relationships i got beat up(one was with my ex husband), i know i'm no beauty queen i don't even consider my self pretty, i'm the last person who will ever give my self a compliment and i barely can accept them when given by another person, i know i'm not thin no i dont have a great body or anything like that i have many scars and marks if i could shower with my clothes on i would for fuck sake, i guess i have never been able to make a guy or keep a guy happy no matter what i do or don't do why else would ever body cheat on me, i try to be there for people, help them out,be a shoulder when needed, an ear when some one needs to talk, all ever i have ever wanted was to truly be wanted to be some ones first choice but i never have no matter how hard i try. I have done something wrong, haven't been a good enough girl friend or something why else use me, i know i probably sound like i'm whining but i don't know what else to do any more, my past sucks for many reasons, no one is perfect i know that maybe i expected something i'm not entitled too maybe thats it, i asked a guy friend of mine from VR a question a few weeks ago i asked " Do you think guys only like me for sex"? his answer was yes, now i'm not sure if he didn't think before he answered but it was like having a knife sliced threw my stomach i almost threw up. Now was he right it's a good possibility grant it i have been dumped and cheated on because i won't sleep with a guy i'm not some whore who sleeps with every guy she knows or in some people cases barely know, but i have still been used and cheated on when i have had sex, how fucked up is that. I just want to make some one happy, have me be enough for some one, be good enough to love. I know all this is my fault, i just want to know whats so wrong with me?????????

It never seems to amaze me the lies people will tell them self to make them self feel better or to justify there actions, now don't get me wrong i tell my self plenty of lies to make my self feel better....sadly but it's the only way i know how to deal with things sometimes, but i guess you have to do what you have to do to try and keep your self sane.



I guess i have just become so use to being lied to by just about every one i have ever known, that it get programmed into your head to deal with it that way at times. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying i have never lied to any one, i know i'm not perfect never claimed to be, but i always in the end catch people in there lies and i wish i didn't have that ability because at times i much rather believe the lie then to find out the truth in the end.