The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So...I spend a lot of time in offices of late. Doctors, bankers, lawyers, etc., and I find myself noticing things about the the reading materials they provide. Noticing patterns and also drawing conclusions about the quality of that persons services or about thier personality based upon what reading materials they provide. For instance, some have a plethora of low grade crap magazines. It is like they mugged a magazine salesman for everything they couldn't get rid of. Occasionally this is supplemented with a couple of National Geographics that have the covers torn off, as if they were stolen from the dumpster of a Half Price Books. National Geographic is the de facto gold standard, too. If they have a 20 year collection in good condition and in order you can be guaranteed they are top notch at what they do. If they dont even provide topical reading material, for example, you go to a stock brokers office and they have Nickelodeon Magazine...well...



I have also been noticing the same things about my friends and family of late. I go to a friends house and she has a library of home-making and parenting magazines...yet she is not married and has no kids...hmmm. What does that say? And just then her biological clock went off like Big Ben. Tonight, I was in my brothers house...in the bathroom to be exact. I could not help but notice his collection. Travel magazines. The kind that are really nothing more than ads for expensive vacations for the rich. Two nights and three days to some guided-tour, hand-holding resort for the mere cost of $8,000 or more. They all promise the same thing too, "a new and different travel experience." Like they are going to transport you to India via flock of butterflies instead of an airplane. You will DEFINITELY be "off the beaten path". Shit...for eight grand in 2 nights I better be so close to nirvana I dont know that I was ever on a path. Or looking for a path...or what a path is...



But I sat there, taking a shit, looking at the beautiful pictures of these happy attractive people in exotic locales, wondering what it would be like to be on such a trip. Wondering what difference that would make. What would it be like to take a shit there instead of here? I wonder what kind of toilet paper they have...



I wonder if my brother wonders these same things as he take a shit.