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Uphill fight all around this week. Personal lows all around. Mental mindfuck, just for beginners. That same old self-reflective moments, some of which are painful, but you have no choice but to go back over them so you don't make the same mistakes. In a buisness sense I may have screwed myself with a statement I made, but in a personal sense, I spoke my mind. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass to have principals, especially when you have to choose between them and getting paid. Principals don't pay the rent.



I seem to be getting nowhere when it comes to getting the interview with Ville Valo published. I have no idea what is going on with PM. I haven't been able to get ahold of Mike in a while. If it's dead in the water, so be it. I can fish around till I get a bite from some magazine, or I can put it up online. To be 100% honest, I want to see it in print. I want to see it in a magazine that I can pick up at a newstand. I admit, it's not what I would call my best work, but damn good when I'd only had a week to prepare and I knew Jack and Shit about HIM. Izaiah and I worked too damn hard to see this go to shit, and I'm not gonna let it happen without a fight. Any input would be appreciated.

I gotta work on St. Patty's day. Fuck. I haven't had a St. Patty's off in years. And V for Vendetta comes out the same day. Hopefully there's a midnight showing somewhere.



Other than that, I'm feeling kinda lost right now. I have no idea why. Perhaps I regret something I said to someone a long time ago. I'll probably never see this person again, so It doesn't matter much. Funny what you see when the illusion is stripped away, when the mask is pulled aside. I take that back, I don't regret saying it. I was being honest about how I felt

NO SHIT! I found this on Ebay!



http://cgi.ebay.com/Hugo-Weaving-signed-V-For-Vendetta-Promo-Mask-RARE_W0QQitemZ7595591143QQcategoryZ59QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

This must be some of the funniest shit I have read in a while. I laughed for 10 min reading it. It has my sense of humor to it...







Hearse driver arrested for biting policeman



BERLIN (Reuters) - A drunken hearse driver has been arrested in the western German town of Krefeld after biting a police officer taking him in for an alcohol test, police said on Monday.



Police had called for a hearse at a funeral home to transport a body to the cemetery.

"The hearse driver nearly fell over when he got out of the car. Then he had to hold onto everything he could find as he stumbled to the house," said police spokesman Dietmar Greger.



Police decided to take the man to the station to test his blood alcohol level, but when they tried to get him out of their car he started a fight and bit an officer several times in the hand.



The man was confined to a cell until he sobered up and has been charged with civil disorder and drunk driving.

It's my birthday, woo hoo. I'm 29, even closer to 30. I refuse to get any older.

For an update on the birth control fight. My boss, spoke to his boss. What I was told was to call the 1-800 information # and if they didn't give me a straight answer, then to give a call to the Human Resources contact for our site.



So I called the 1-800 #, I got some lady on the phone, I asked why I had to get pre-authorization for this drug from the doctor's office (since that's what I thought a perscription was). The only response was that my doctor needed to call another 1-800 # and she couldn't give me any other information.

So I asked if it was denied because it could be used for birth control. Once again "your doctor needs to call the 1-800 # and I can't give anymore information".

"Well, this is the information line, correct?" I asked.

"Yes, it is." the lady replied.

"Well, let me ask you this. Does your company even cover birth control?" I asked

"I can't give you any information on that." she said

"Well, let's try this one. Does your company cover Viagra and Cillias or similar drugs?" My annoyance was starting to show.

"I can't give you any information on that?"



At this point I stated that I was just not going to get a straight answer on the subject, thanked her for her time and hung up. I then called my doctor's office, and was told the perscription was denied because it was for birth control. No surprise. She asked if there was any other reason they could give, cramps, bloating?

Oh yea, I'm sick as a dog with my first day, I have to call into work and I'm bedridden, I said. It was a slight exageration, but I can't afford $90 for 2 months worth of pills.

In the meantime, My doctor said I could come into the office and she would give me the 2 packs of pills I needed. She also said that she was proud that I was going to fight this out with the insurance company, and that everything would be refiled and they would try again.



So I get the call back from the HR person yesterday, telling me Viagra and Cilliaias are not covered, and neither is birth control. Well at least it's equal. I'm still going to have to figure out how to pay out of pocket for the pills.

I had worked on an update to tell everyone who cares how the last blog went over. But somehow my computer ate it. Oh well.



Jessy, Thomas and I did not abandon you, YOU DROVE US AWAY!!!!!!! We have our own lives and our own problems and we cannot deal with your negativity too. I gave you a choice, grow up and deal with YOUR problems, get help and then we're good. But you CHOSE not to do that. Fine, have a nice life. I have nothing else to say to you .



This has nothing to do with me, Thomas, Keith or Fluff. This is about YOU! YOUR life, YOUR mental issues, and YOUR lack of motivation to get your life straight and live in the REAL world.

You are such a miserable person it's no wonder you have no friends. Your never going to find a job or have any kind of life if you don't get off your ass and get some help. No one is going to want to deal with you. I hope you get your life in order somewhere down the line.

The letter below is one I directed to a friend who is in dire need of psychological help. This is her last chance or I'm done. I have my own problems.

_______________________________________





I have had enough of your shit Jess..............



I find it so funny that when you try to help a friend (who obviously doesn't want help), and they attack you. I'm sorry that I have to go about it this way, since I believe it is rude to air one's dirty laundry in public. Unfortunately, this is the only way I can say what is on my mind without being interrupted incessantly (which is RUDE!).



Jessy, It comes to this. You need to get your priorities straight, start taking some responsibility for your life, get some help and start living in the real world. Stop playing the victim. No one is buying it anymore, not me, not Thomas, or Fluff. If you never speak to me again, so be it. I won't loose sleep over it. The only reason I say any of this and not just completely shun you is the fact that I DO GIVE A DAMN!!!!! But I have my own life and my own problems to deal with. I can no longer deal with the massive amounts of negative energy you generate.



Ok, Perhaps I am a dumb bitch for wanting to help someone who is just hellbent on being miserable and no matter what advice you give them to try to improve their lives, they give you 20 excuses as to why it won't work, without even trying. When you do try to give options, they take it as a personal attack because, gods forbid, it doesn't fit into their own self absorbed version of the world.

In this world, it's all someone else's fault, never your own. You can't bring yourself to look at your own mistakes and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM! It's part of being an adult and living in the REAL world, as opposed to the made up one you live in.



Given, I myself am far from perfect. I have problems, just like the rest of the world. I don't whine, cry, bitch and moan about them incessantly to anyone who will listen. Once you start this, you loose the right to bitch about it when Thomas and I try to give you what you need to fix your problem. End of story. If you don't want to hear it, Suck it up and move on with your life. First eternal truth of Buddhism is "Life is suffering". The second is "Suffering is universal".

I'm far from beautiful, and no I can't get any job or guy I want. I WORK AT IT!!! I accept that being single is not a bad thing, and that it is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong.



Job wise, I've had periods of unemployment. I've lived in the Williamsburg area since I was 3. I've been working here for years. Do not try to tell me a damn thing about the Williamsburg Tourist Economy! Yes, 99% of it is low paying, shit jobs that most people don't want. Sometimes life just hands you a shit sandwich and you have to eat it or go hungry. People still work these jobs and then some because bills gotta get paid, baby needs to eat, and the house needs to be kept up. You do not have to worry about supporting a family or paying a mortgage.

Since we are on the subject of money, which is another source of constant rant, I ain't rich either! But I do try to BUDGET what I do have, and be able to pay the bills, and put gas in the car so I can get to work. You bitch about how you never have gas $$ to get to work. Funny, you always have money for a bag of pot, but not for gas.



Let's look at how this is also hurting your spiritual life. We are both Pagan, we both agree with the Wiccan Rede "HARM NONE AND DO AS YE WILL". This massive amount of drama and negativity you generate IS HARMFUL! You know this! You know that when you expend this much negative energy out into the universe you create a monster, that sooner or later will come back to bite you in the ass! It's called Karma!.

Every time something in your life goes completely wrong, you tend to blow it out of proportion, and claim the gods are having fun at your expense. Yea, they are watching and hoping you learn from YOUR MISTAKES. Which apparently you can't see. You get pissed off at someone and you try to get revenge, payback not justice. THE OLDE WAYS FORBID IT! Life screws you over! Sometimes there's just no payback for that. You have to accept the fact that, come judgement day, that person will answer to a higher power. After that you give this problem to the goddess and let her handle it! After that you move on with your life.

The law of three, remember that one? Whatever harm or negativity you send out into the world, you get back times 3. This is part of your problem. You have to learn to have faith in the gods or they will have no faith in you! No one said they would make it easy!



So what point am I getting to? Here it is. MCV has said they would cover your medical bills, go sign yourself in and get evaluated. You have the right to stop treatment at any time. No excuses, No nothing. Suck it up and get some help. Otherwise, I want no contact from you. No calls, No text messages, no e-mails. Not until you decide to re prioritize you life, and start taking responsibility for yourself.



Goddess Bless you, and I will send some healing your way