The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Today I was out and about. I stopped to visit an old friend. Mind you he he built...very muscular if you like that type. But as attractive as he can be, tell me why his basket ball jersey was so small and tight it might as well been a sports bra?

LMFAO

Yes I clowned him in front of his girl! She laughed just as hard!!!

Life is nothing but a journey. We make our own choices when we can. True, sometimes choices are not in our control. But how we cope, recover, or act afterwards is in our control. Choosing the path of a psychologist has been a double edged sword for me. Yes, I am learning about the things I love and I am obtaining my goals. But along the way, life has happened and I have also had to take a long hard look into the darkness and within myself. Analyzing my past...analyzing myself....so eye opening. I am truly my harshest critic. And I can see clearly now where most of things stem from. I am no where near perfect, nor do I try to be. But being self-aware is....amazing and scary all at the same time. Though I can clearly see how I came to be in this very moment, I hold no grudge or hate. I cannot say that I am all forgiving either, perhaps I just know how to let go and move on for my own sanity and happiness. I am not sure if I am making any sense to you, I write this kind of randomly. But within all this mess in my head....within all this self-discovery, self-awareness, and growth....I have found a new voice...and have begun to write once again....


Untitled Written by KH 2/20/2018

Mother is just a word
written down in my journal
Now I give it to the world
Here is the beginning
of my life as a little girl

I craved her love
I needed her to understand
Hers was not the only truth
I showed her my wounds
Told her of my stolen youth

Still I was to blame
She pushed me aside
She chose him and other men for years
Sitting alone, no one heard my pain
My voice stolen and with silent tears

Still I felt brave and set a goal
Who needed her - mother was just a word
Content that I would forever be alone
Leaving that life and memories behind
Searching for something exciting and unkown

Years of hardships, ups and downs
Strength and resilience picked me up
Still in the back of my mind
I try to understand why
Someone called mother could not be kind

No matter the accomplishment
No matter the success
I could never get her love or praise
She was and is content on my failure
And she will never change her ways

She blames me for her life failings
But am I supposed to apologize?
I see her negativity dance in my head
Not wanting to be like her with my kids
So I verbally and mentally abuse myself instead

Now that I am aware of this cycle
I know what I must do
To see my full potential and truly believe
That I am not what she says
Only then will self love be something I achieve

So after all that has happened, change is much needed.

I graduate in May. The pending lawsuit is set for trial in April. Divorce is in the making.
After those 3 things....I will be leaving Texas.

Taking myself and my kids far from the bad memories and the psycho.

Thinking Denver.

University there has an amazing Doctoral program that I would love to be a part of.

COMMENTS

-

---

LadyAurelia
23:08 Feb 15 2018

I'm sorry this happen to you..i.wish you safety.

---

RaynesAsylum
23:18 Feb 15 2018

Thank you

---

POST COMMENT