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I don't know what it is but it sure as hell is here to stay. I don't even fucking hear what people say to me,i'm starting to hallucinate and shit. Think i've finally lost it. Or maybe i'm starting to see things as they really are,worse then i first thought...



Friends don't exist,only backstabbing fools

Love isn't real,it's using someone to fullfill your selfish dreams

Society and civilization? Don't make me laugh...

Family? They don't care and would rather not know you

Sleep? Some long forgotten memory...Viva insomnia *sarcasm incase you didn't know*

Intelligence? Something that was lost aeons ago

Kindness has gone away but left it's friend hate with us

Trusting somebody is as foolish as fist fighting a grizzly bear

Laughing and having fun have gone down the drain with the rest of my emotions...

Only one things is left with me and that is pain,selfcaused physical pain and emotional pain caused by others.



So what's the use of living? As of the moment I have got only one answer:there is no use to living. You'll end up six feet under anyway.

Do I wanna keep on living? NO!

Feel so shitty,she used me to try to seduce my friend...Everything seems futile after being backstabbed for the one bazillionth time. Only resort is caffeine and booze now...Don't wanna wake up anymore...

Call me fuggin crazy but today was one of the best days in my life! Hanged out with one of muh best mates and one awesome girl. Had fun with them;especially enjoyed her company. Specially the playing part where biting came into play...But I'm not gonna get over happy,might end up alone again,just like all the other times. Why the hell am I even still writing in this journal? Don't even think a lot of people tend to read this. But meh,at least here I can write down muh thoughts and shit and don't have to carry it with me. Don't wanna get boring so i'll end this entry.

Worldcup snowboarding was fun,good times with good friends and kick-ass people.

Only thing that bothered me was that swiss people have a tendency to be rude to tourists,well can't blame em! Most of em leave the town as a dirt hole.

But hell! Met some interesting people,did a pretty good job in the comp.



But still,life can be good at one moment and suck so fuggin hard the next,don't know why but it just is.

Tomorrow I'll be gone for a week!

Junior Worldcup here I come!

And I don't feel like fuckin writing what I did yesterday. Parents noticed wounds and various scars,were mad as hell and even were as nice to ask if they needed to help me....Fuckers...

Well,school was fun as ever! I've been branded a traitor again. This time cuz I can leave school cuz I'm going to some world cup for snowboarding while the others have to go on a three day survival.

Here's how a class mate (read:ugly chick with too much male hormones) reacted on it:

"If you come back you'll be even less accepted by us!"



Who the fuck is us?! The bunch of dumb ass hip-hop crazy mofo's that is also known as my clas?! Who wants to be part of that? Ohhh I really want to be part of that group that thinks you're a serial killer just because you wear black. Not to mention their barbaric attitude toward art and suches.



Well,at least I'm gone for a week with good friends and the barbarians are stuck where they belong:in the woods.

Kill Your Idols



Cosmetic photogenic

This pain is fleeting, ring out

Mechanical the passion

Your head is bleeding, slow down



Can't keep doing this

What you want me to

Marching sheep herd said

See my broken head



Live your own life

I got myself

Out of my sight

Kill your idols



It's ugly, you see

I don't care what you think now

Forgive me, forget

Don't take the east way out



Can't keep doing this

What you want me to

Marching sheep herd said

See my broken head



Live your own life

I got myself

Out of my sight

Kill your idols

Back to the place where my mind gets beat down,being despised by my fellow class members and the teachers.

At two things are positive bout school:

-I'll get some sleep.

-Some of my friends are there.

I feel their dirty looks....I hear them speak disgrace of me...I hear their thoughts of backstabbing me....

This is what my mind does,all day long,seems fun?

Things I've done thusfar these last days:

-Made a lil #-scar on my arm

-Lashed out at everyone around me cuz they haven't got blue's clues that I do not give a fuck wether they live or die and that their shitty comments do not have any form of impact on me and would like to say to those that read this and don't like me: FUCK OFF AND GO DIE!

-Listened a lotta music

-Had sleepless nights (no news)



Lyrics of the moment:

Me inside-slipknot

Giving in to what has got me

Feeling claustrophobic, scarred

Severed me from all emotion

Life is just too fucking hard

Snap! your face was all it took

Cuz this need ain’t doin’ me no good

Fall on my face, but can’t you see?

This fucking life is killing me!



Tearing me / inside



Too far gone, I’m catatonic

Leaving you to criticize

Empty shell and running naked

All alone... lobotomized

Back and forth between my hang-ups

It isn’t easy to be hated

Where do ya go? whaddya do?

Simpleton, impromptu, crazy eight

I never cared, not once

Gotta get away!



Tearing me / inside



I wasn’t promised a thing

You keep mocking me

But you will never again

Before you know it - after you’re gone



Gone



Somos feos apestamos y pero reinamos joto muthafucka