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I'm sitting outside on the porch with a cup of coffee listening to the birds sing while my daughter plays. It was actually her idea. She woke me up this morning because she heard the birds and she wanted to go outside and see them. It's a nice morning for Florida too. 65°.

I could use the peace. For whatever reason I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I'm exhausted. The biggest downfall is that you can't have children and feel this way. It really makes me a shitty parent.

COMMENTS

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Dakotah
14:15 Sep 27 2016

Why can't you have certain feelings and not have children? I think when children see parents go though a hard time and then come out on the other side of it, it teaches them life is not always a bowl of cherries but you work though your problems and not give up. To me this is being real and a good parental lesson for kids. I think it makes you a great parent. Kids pretty much know anyways what is going on around them. Sounds like to me your daughter was aware you have been having a hard time and she wanted to help in her own way. My mother raised 5 boys on her own. Many times I would see her exhausted and would try to do special things for her like the time I picked ALL the neighbors planted flowers and brought her this HUGE bouquet of flowers. Or the time I tried to make her coffee when I was about 8 and took the basket out and put the coffee where the basket was suppose to go and coffee went all over the counter and onto the floor. I was a well meaning kid. Trust me kids know anyways. And from what I have read in your journal I think you are a good parent.

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I am locked out of the house with my two year old and VERY annoyed!

Moved all day yesterday and still not finished. I was so exhausted last night that i actually passed out around 1am and stayed that way till a little after 7 this morning. Very well welcomed. Unfortunately, I have to do it all over again next month.



Back to work tomorrow, but today is definitely going to be a lot more relaxed. Dinner at my sisters and maybe movies later. No unpacking today, I'll deal with it later.

I'm wishing that I was actually good at life...I know, I know I'm always bitching about something, but seriously, I really want to know if people stay losers thier entire lives. Are some of us just destined to never grow as people, develop real friendships, accomplish our full potentials? I mean I guess there has to be a balance in life, but damn , how did end up one of the lucky bastards to fail at everything imaginable?

The past couple of weeks it's been as though nothing can go right, and then even when things start to look up, they turn to complete shit!



I think I need some type of outlet, I just can't figure out what's going to work....



My brain is racing, but I'm not really keeping up. Thoughts are going this way and that and I can't even put them m into logical sentences. How much sense does that make?



I think I'll just stop now.

The rain has begun and I can only hope it subsides a little before I need to leave for work in the morning...

I had the longest day ever!!



Yesterday was really shitty, and even though I thought I got my mind off of things, I still sat up unable to get any rest. It's like that voice in my head just never shuts up. I even tried to take excedrin pm both to kick the migraine I had and to sleep, but it took way too long to kick in, if it even helped at all.



I woke up this morning with a puffy face like I had been crying all night and that wasn't even the case. Either way I pulled myself together for work but the day just seemed to drag on forever.



All I can say is that I'm just so glad to be home. I'm so exhausted.