The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

THESE AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES ARE GREAT and they all seem to work!



> AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE

ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.



> AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT, BY USING THE SINK.



> FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR

A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.



> A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM

ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.



> IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.



> YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T

MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE

DUCT TAPE..



> IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.





> DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR

ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

A cabbie picks up a Nun.



She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome

cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I

don't want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me.

When you're as old as I am and

have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see

and hear just about everything.

I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find

offensive.”

“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: you have to be

single and you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and

Catholic!”

The nun says, “Ok, Pull into the next alley.”



The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.



But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married

and I'm Jewish.”

The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."







Happy Halloween