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Pushed back up against the wall,

where were you to stop my fall.

To catch me when my time was done,

for a moment i was icarus in the sone.

I relied on you to keep my pace,

i judeged my life by your face.

I hoped to learn to live and trust,

where now I am one with the dust.

a knife in the back,

the blade marries skin.

the touch of your hand,

its how it begins.



the truth of your words,

all lost upon me.

the lies that you told,

my pain is what set you free.



you took him to heart,

you took him to bed.

no would could hurt more,

then what you did in my head.



the path that we laid,

like the tracks on a trail.

the road that we took,

ended in betrayal.



betrayed by love,

betrayed by truth.

betrayed by betrayer,

betrayed by you.

I made the cut to free my soul,

sliced it deep and filled a bowl.

My gushing blood could fill the room,

spilling out and spelling gloom.

If my body becomes the dead,

then my ghost in on your head.

The cuts I made were deep and true,

but the deepest cute was made by you.

With shivers running up my spine,

I stand and yet I cower.

I am pushed back agisnt my self,

by things I should overpower.

Scared of running I lay down,

my weak mans mind between my legs.

I should be rageing,

Instead I beg.

I should be stronger,

not give a shit.

I should be a real man,

and just turn and face it.

Earth is never heaven,

life is mearly pain.

A source of definition,

that we suffer time and again.

You call your god a father,

a parent of patient love.

You look to him for salvation,

to give when there is none.

Your lovers are your covers,

emotions your facade.

How can your trust creations,

when you could trust thier god.

I will not follow blindly,

be told i must believe.

From now on I trust noone,

and nothing that i cant see.

Your always taught what not to do,

to avoid flame so you cant be burnt.

But there is no lesson for real life,

no way to avoid the hurt.

I dont need you to feel like crap,

I can do that all alone.

I dont need you to paint me a picture,

to understand the things I know.

I dont need you to be my friend,

when we both know its not what you want.

I dont need you near me,

I learned all the lessons you taught.

People are pieces,

players in the game.

Betrayers of the foolish,

liars and all the same.

I learned to not trust because of you,

that feelings can make us fools.

So i wont be your patsy,

your newest and favorite tool.

How can I ever trust people,

How can I understand.

How can I learn forgivness,

When I cant learn how to bend.

How can I learn reliance,

there is not much i demand.

How can I learn true friendship,

when I needed you just went and ran.

I dont think I can feel things,

I dont trust things I see.

I dont think I can trust you,

when I cant even trust me.

friends they always listen,

they ideally should want to care.

To love you and embrace you,

where other only stare.

The hold you when you need it,

they share your one true self.

They alwys put you a head of them,

yor first and never twelfth.

I though I had a friend once,

a friend i saw in you.

I never thoughts for an instance,

they it could be untrue.

But now I see the story,

now I see the truth.

Friends will soon abandon,

thier loves and even you.

I damn you with my spirit,

my blood will seal the breach.

I damn you with my heartache,

vegence served where i cant reach.

I damn you with a future,

you took and cast away.

I damn you with my rages,

in every single way.

I break my heart for you here,

for all the world to see.

I damn myself and you dear,

for the man you made of me.

I want to rage and fight things,

but in the end I feel too weak.

I want to become primal,

to grow and prowl the streets.

I want to show the real world,

the things they made in me.

I want vent my creature,

make my hell reality.

I want to fill the streets,

with tns of teaming dead.

And fill the rivers with thier blood,

till thier voiced fill my head.

Let them beg for mercy,

beg to be set free.

Let them cry and pray for mercy,

when none was given me.

I want to yell for freedom,

to shiek in voiced high.

To prowl for retribution,

under that blackedned sky.

God will never listen,

his is a game you will not win.

Since the game was soon concluded,

well before it could begin.

He is the deadbeat father,

who loved to run away.

He is the venguful parent,

who hate he made you gay.

Some pray to him for solace,

for pity and for grace.

Instead you get indiffernce,

and spit upon your face.

Some say I should have faith,

in something to believe.

How can I have faith in someone,

who doesnt have faith in me.

If i killed myself tommorow,

would you shead a tear?

If you knew you could have saved me,

would you have reappeared?

If you knew that i still loved you,

would you run from him?

If you knew that I lived for you,

would you want to try again?

If I called would you come running,

would you answer all my calls?

If I was slowly dying.

Would you even stop my fall?

How can I ever face you,

when I'm still in love.

How can I just be happy,

when I cant fix what was done.

How can I just be friendly,

when things are not the same.

How can I ever trust you,

when all I feel is pain.

I have discovered the secret truth,

that life is just a game.

A candy coated poision,

a truely pointless game.

People dont want to listen,

that life is never fair.

Your friends arent really friendly,

they really never care.

People will only be there,

when life is always bright.

When challeges start to come up,

they run instead of fight.

Lovers only betray you,

they never stand and wait.

The say they really love you,

thier in love how very qaint.

Thier love it is self serving,

this truth delievered by fists.

The truth is that lifes pointless,

and people are born selfish.

I am my harshest critic,

I am my own worst enemy.

I am the one to hate myself,

I hate all the could have been.

I hate all my failings,

the fact that i gave up.

I hate the fact that I lost myself,

a child reluctantly all grown up.

I am just stuck in this life,

where days all feel the same.

Where life is not as easily changed,

as a soul washed in the rain.

The was a time of promise,

a time when life was good.

Where youthful dreams are prolific,

and things end the way they should.

The was a time when heros,

werent just normal men.

A time when life was filled with lovers,

and not the living dead.

When I was young I smiled still,

Not I cant even crack a laugh.

I lost my sense of purpose,

life obscured the path.

I dont know where I'm going,

the earth it blend swith sky.

I guess I am left waiting,

no I love you's just good byes.

I can wake up in the morning,

and see the end of me.

I can pick up our old photgraphs,

and see when we last laughed.

I can walk around my hometown,

memories come at me.

I can feel the freezing water,

calling me out to see.

I can run out to forever,

pretend that i am free.

Nothing is impossible,

except for you loving me.