No one said it had to make sense!17:57 Dec 23 2010
Times Read: 577
You know when you buy an item, and it works, but it's defective in a way that you didn't notice until it was out of the box and had been broken in? It does what you intended it to do, and to you it is unique, but other people just wouldn't appreciate it. That's pretty much how I feel today. Not in a self-pity kind of way, mind you. More like a "I'll let you borrow me for a while, but wouldn't feel right giving myself as a gift" kind of way lol Maybe it's all the Christmassy stuff that causes me to think in those terms, and maybe right now I am making absolutely no sense, but I feel like I should come with a disclaimer of some sort. "Warning: May not be suitable for long-term enjoyment" Or maybe an expiration date. "Best if used by such and such". Then it would be apparent that perhaps I am just not the same in the long term, and the expectations would not be so high.
Then again, maybe all that is complete and utter bullshit. Maybe I'm just far too wary and guarded for my own good. Maybe I should start looking for the key that will release these chains that bind me emotionally. Maybe somewhere along the way, I traded that key for fleeting and meaningless interactions, and convinced myself that it was better that way. No one gets hurt if they don't get attached, right? I'm starting to believe that it may not be such a bad thing to get attached. Well, if we're being honest, that's not entirely true. I am attached to friends and have no problem investing myself wholly into a friendship, with no regard to limits or boundaries.
But maybe, just maybe, I should consider the possibility that a long-term relationship could one day become a reality again. I'm not ready to tie myself off to someone and I'm sure as hell not "boyfriend material" lol But maybe I should start trying to change that. I could even make myself a "long-term relationship" preparedness kit, like they have for natural disasters lol After all, the odds of either one occurring are probably relatively equal. Wow, did I really just compare long-term relationships to natural disasters? Fuck. I suppose my work is, indeed, cut out for me.
I'm sure that there are some who are thinking "wtf is this dude smoking". The answer is nothing. Just say no! D.A.R.E to be drug free :) Don't forget to vote, and stay in school! Remember: only YOU can prevent forest fires! Stop drop and roll! Give a hoot, Don't pollute. Because, in the end, when pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime!
That is all!
P.S. Any advice is helpful at this point, as clearly I have no idea what the hell I'm doing in this area, and really would like to change that :)
COMMENTS
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PAGAN
18:54 Dec 23 2010
haha maybe you should be smoking? Just kidding, I ask myself these same questions and the only conclusion I come to (each time) is that its not me, its them.
Have a great holiday season :)
MooniePie
19:10 Dec 23 2010
There might be flaws and there might be defects. but that is what makes you perfectly you. Each one of those things have molded you into the person you are today.
And you know what.. I think you are pretty damn terrific. Actually, I think you are more than terrific. I think you are wonderful, amazing and perfectly you. And all that makes you someone that I am glad to have in my life. ♥
Bellanova333
23:22 Dec 23 2010
Well... I have gone as far as to even read off my rather extensive warning label including the fine print lol I would join a convent but I do not think they would appreciate a non catholic who likes to explore some of the darker realms *shrugs maybe my own private island? hmmmmm...
All I can say is that there is nothing wrong with waiting til the right piece comes into your life... perhaps there is someone out there that can unlock those chains... until then don't go beating yourself up... every interaction we have, every relationship we are blessed to be a part of however fleeting or long term they may be and regardless of labels, they are what helps us to grow... into to what is up to you... ; )