The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

After that dream and several days of not hearing from my ex and having some time to just let shit go.

I hear that his sending me money for my son... my heart drops and I pause and ask got to help me think this through.

For my son is his as well and I should bottle my pride and except the help even if I know that his going to throw that back in my face soon ....

But I know that god has something good for me if I make it through with out sinking to his level.

I am the bigger person... I have been through hell before AND I will make them know my name again.

After being at my moms for a while I h had a dream where my ex's new girl which happens to be the girl he was with before me was keeping my son from me.

After six months I can back to get my son and they wouldn't let me have my son. He wanted to come with me but they held him away from me. until I start to beat up his girl because she was trying to say that my son was hers.

At the sound of the sirens i tried to wake up but i couldn't only after talking with the police and forgetting my son was still in the house did i wake up.

I was pissed of only to see that my son was with me. But his only here to visit me until May19 and then his going back to stay with his grandma and father until I find a job.

It made me shutter at the thought but I know that I am ready to beat the shit out of that damn hood rat if she thinks her or my ex who doesn't even want to sign the birth certifacte to say that my son is his. Can keep me from my little boy. his my life and my soul the loss of him would kill me.

Back in my birthplace and I am getting told i did wrong. All because I did what was best for my son to keep him safe.

What I did was leave my son with his grandmother until i can take care of him on my own.

My mother thinks i hate her and its not her I am worried about.

Its her sister that hangs on her like a damn hand bag... she raped me... and tried to killed me several times . And when i said that i was pregnate tried to kill my son.

I am not leaving my son around that bitch and I know that I did the best thing to keep my son safe.

They think i should get over it but how can i get over something like that. Some one threatened my life.. and i grew up like that but i am not letting my son grow up with the thought of death around him all the time.

Afew days ago found out that i was right that my ex slept with his girlfriend on my bed several times to make it his. And it was the last staw I have been dealing with this for a while now and now i am moving out today. Packing my things and getting ready to move on. Yet not full you see because for 6 months I will be leaving my son behind with his father.

It kills me inside because all he keeps saying that he could have me locked away in a nut house for my split personality. When I will admit i am crazy but I am functioning very well. I have never been on meds at all. And even seen a shrink that said i was fine ... but that is not the point. I want my so n with me he is my son .. I can't have any more.

But me moving out back into the hell that I grow up in I feel safe with my son being here. I want my son happy .... and I plan to do that.

Still I am scared that if I leave him now will he remember me when i come to get him back in six months.

Can't write all I feel is lighter.. done with pain. Yet I feel alone and I dont like that feeling. Although my sanity is saved.. my soul is so tattered its not funny. But I know that I will heal from it... and to do that like people have been telling me for months. Leave.

I havent because I have been scared to leave my son here with his father.. and have him hate me. But I know his grandma is here.. and I know when it comes down to it...Connor will be coming with me to leave with me and my mom back in my home town. Until I get all my shit together and ready to move down to north carolina.

My day as been a good one and I hope that the next is too. Only a few bad things happened but that is to expected. Yet for me only having a few bad things and not have then blow up in my face is good.

'So I am taking this as a good day.