Sumary of Life & Jokes :)15:44 Feb 21 2008
Times Read: 566
Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second
person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
down
there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) Its frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to
ask
you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were
dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one man said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong
woman."
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
__________
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to
let her
keep him. .
__________
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
__________
A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
__________
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I
got married, and by then, it was too late."
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you
say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking
they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
__________
"A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man ,
to
Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"
COMMENTS
-
queenmorbid
16:18 Feb 21 2008
*Giggles* Some of these got a chuckle out of me..some are just wickedly morbid. Thanks for the laughs.