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Have you ever went through an old diary and read things you don't remember happening? I did... there were things I wrote that made me feel uneasy. I guess I blocked out more than I thought of my past. I felt a strange sensation that surprised me and I'm not sure what it was. I hate it I'm not used to not knowing a feeling, I've always known feelings ever since I was little. It's why I matured at a young age and why I've always seemed older. People have told me of things that might have happened to me when I was young but I never wanted to know. What if those things did happen and my past is screaming through those pages? How will it effect me?

If I told you the truth of the world would you accept it? Would I?

I see more than most people but I somehow feel more blind and oblivious. It took me years to figure out my emotions from other's, I still have trouble with it. I've met others who went through this but no one has given me any advice that I can really use yet. Some days though I feel as though I am a master at it. Maybe I just need more energy.

I feel like I'm wasting my time doing all these things for my future. I feel like I belong somewhere else doing other things, not putting myself in debt doing things I hate. I don't belong in this world, I belong somewhere else. I can't explain it I just know I'm meant for something else. Am I the only one who feels like I'm not supposed to be in this plane of existence?

Have you ever cried watching a movie where a character fails at suicide? Was it ever because they survived?



I knew someone who cried not because the character wanted to die but because that character had to face life and all its horrors and beauties. That character is being tortured and forced to watch others being tortured. They told me how they loved life and seeing nature filled them with joy and bliss but it's what the human race is doing to it all that has them wishing they could just melt away and not have to see what is happening anymore. They wish we could just live with nature and enjoy all it has to offer us.



Have you ever just sat out side on the ground and just reached into the earth with your soul? Have you ever tried to look and see what the world wants you to see? Why have we destroyed it time and time again? We beat death with all of our science and technology so why do we keep destroying it? Maybe more people would be understanding of the darkness I hold dear if they just let go and took a look at the world the way it is and not as an enemy to be defeated. I know this is all just a pipe dream and I'm just a silly girl who dreams big but why does it have to be that way?

Soothing energies are all around me tonight. My room is a peaceful safe house filled with the smell of incense and cool like the night. Sometimes I wish I could hide here forever but I think I would begin to miss the random people I pass every day and create stories for. I would become mindless and boring. Plus how can I appreciate the dark if there is no light to balance it out?

I feel the heavy energy in the air, filling my lungs and pouring into my veins. It gives me strength, spiritual strengh, like the kind I feel when I'm around witches as they are casting a spell. It feels cool and it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel complete and like I am myself again. Dark things are my specialty and this is the month for it.

As the air changes and the spirits prepare, I dream more and more of my dark passionate side. I long for someone who understands my love of the dark and terrifying things. The dark fills me and makes me feel dangerous, mysterious and alive. No one else around me seems to understand any of it. My dreams seem to be the only place I feel safe and comfortable.