The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Hard to believe that I was actually riding the Harley Davidson to work this week.



The leaves are gone, the birds sing no songs for it seems as though we are dead.



I quietly wonder to myself, pausing but for a moment that we are nothing but the living walking amongst the dead.



I must retreat deep inside so very far away from those around me.



To protect what is left of this crumbling shell that all of the world has judged, please just let me be.

Getting ready to head up into the forest to cut some more firewood for the upcoming winter. I actually helped a "friend" last winter fell about 30 cords worth of wood to be split up amongst three families but alas this true friend has disappointed me in a serious manner and I will not set foot upon his forest again. I am now unfortunately behind in my duties and must work twice as hard and very quickly to provide for my family as I should. Friends are a funny thing for they sometimes give the illusion of being there for you but there lies in wait just under the surface a side of them that we dont get to see to often. The side of them that looks for a little excuse to blow you off and cling to the next unsuspecting person and be there good friend, its funny just how few true friends are walking this earth anymore.

While walking to my car after work yesterday I had this feeling that something was watching, running through the tree tops analizing my every move. I stopped and looked around but nothing transpired so I began the journey home. I thought about the conversations that I had with someone from here and began to see all of the negativity around me. As I looked around I was reminded of times from my past, look over there was a spot where someone cheated on me ; and on this side of the road is where I cut down some tree's as a teenager with my piece of shit step father who beat me almost daily. Drive a little farther and see the spot where one of my friends was killed in a car accident and then past the house I built over the course of five years that was taken from me by a cheating, mentally disturbed ex wife. I'm still not home yet and I remember a time that I flew a kite with my oldest daughter when she was a little girl in this open field where we used to live and finally I end up at my house that I purchased from my evil mother many years ago. Here is where I lay my head and raise my family, the same place that holds so many scars upon my soul. So why did I buy it you may ask, out of necessity I guess after I lost my new house to the ex wife I needed a place to live and it was for sale at a good price. I wish I hadnt done it now for it is like a plague that slowly weakens your inner self over time just trying to break your will to carry on. In time I will leave with my family but for now I must endure this evil presence in my life.

My wife and I find ourselves far to often pushing ourselves beyond normalcy in our attempts to start our new business venture. We bought an old commercial building this past summer to remodel into a butcher shop that offers everything from delicious smoked meats and cheeses to custom cutting for those raising their own meat. The stress of coming up with all of the money needed while keeping the job moving forward is unbelievable especially when my brother is doing the renovations and his lively hood depends on us as well. We are racing against mother nature here to beat the cold winter and the days are getting shorter it seems, my wife will run this business and it is so important to me that she is successful. Just a little rant about our lives for now.

As I suppose you see my mother was well evil so fast forward to Jan.2009 when I enrolled in a local community college to take a criminal profiling course being taught by a professor who was a former detective and is currently the defender general for the state of vermont the last I knew. During our class he outlined the people and cases that we would be covering and to my suprise one was a local case that involved my two former step fathers along with my mother. He asked if anyone was familiar with any of these cases to which I replied very much so, the professor was very interested in speaking with me more about it as he was the lead detective on the case at the time. I didnt remember him from that long ago, only really remember talking to a couple of state troopers and going to the trial but I was curious to see what his take was on the case to which inknowingly would turn my world upside down. We actually had quite a few classes before we got a chance to chat about the case and he told me that he was 60% sure that Charlie , the one convicted of this murder who was my mothers husband #5 could actually be innocent. At the trial a witness had claimed to have seen a corvette matching the one Charlie owned near the crime scene and of course the torture inflicted on upon John pointed towards a revenge type killing. Professer paradee then told me that he had uncovered alot of shocking things about my mother and John but most were supressed at trial, one thing he found by going undercover in the world of swingers was both John and my mother had been involved in a porn distribution ring centered around a couple in NY who actually had proof on file required by law on both of them. He then was put in contact with a man that told Mr. Paradee that John was actually a high priest and him and my mother had been worshipping satan for years. He provided details such as what the alter looked like , what direction it would be facing in the partially burned house as well as other key details to verify his claims. Sure enough it was all true as he looked over the crime scene, then Mr. Paradee was contacted by a local constable who had pulled over a couple on the night of the crime not far away from Johns house that were driving a corvette and dressed in what looked like witch type costumes, their corvette had NY plates but he swore he wrote the plate number on a pad of paper in his vehicle but could never find it. When the informant was contacted with this information he told the detective that rumor had it that John the high priest was threatening to expose another member of the group for reasons never known and he was killed because of it by this couple pulled over near the crime scene. Nobody was ever able to find this mysterious couple and Charlie went to jail where he remains still. Mr. Paradee asked me a personal question about my past and if there was abuse, of course there was and i outlined the basics for him. He replied that during his investigation he found some satanist performed what is called satanic ritual abuse on children and it looks like the timeframe in which my mother met John coincides with when my life started to unravel with abuse. Believe it or not this was a relief to hear for me as it shed some light on why my life turned out like it did. Pretty shocking on the other hand coming from two people who appeared to be bible toting christians and upstanding members of society. I am free now and excited about my future, the darkness in my mind will never go away.

COMMENTS

-

---

Theban
17:49 Nov 04 2009

Wow!

---

POST COMMENT

What I am about to relate to all of you is not made up and actually was kept hidden from me for many years. It entails some very personal aspects of my life that I'd like to talk about with you. A quick history lesson about me- Born here in Vermont and have suffered greatly for much of my existance but that is not to gain any sympathy but rather to state a fact of life as I know it. My first memory of my mother came at a very young age as she forced and rubbed shit on my face for having an accident as my father stood by doing nothing. My father abandoned me early on and my abusive mother took over rearing me with the assistance of public humiliation, belts, sticks and of course there was always a new husband or boyfriend around that didnt mind putting his fist through my head whenever they felt it was needed. Dark thoughts replaced the dreams I once had but at the same time I had to not treat others as I have been treated so as to not continue the cycle of violence with my own family as i got older. My mother was married five times and her third husband was always around playing the part of Mr. nice guy for many years after they broke up right until his murder. About the time I turned 18 I left home for good and my mothers husband number five was getting divorced from her, yes he is the one that ws in prison for attempted murder in Florida if I forgot to mention her awesome taste in men. His name is Charlie and if you remember my mention of her third husband, his name was John. Notice I say was because John was found murdered in his home after going out with my mother on a date of sorts, he had one finger carved off to the bone, over 60 stab wounds with an ice pick and had been partially castrated before having him and his house set on fire.Did I mention this is real, hard to imagine but it is and if you would like to hear the rest of the story that I found out earlier this past year then i will write about that as well, it relates to the title of this entry.

COMMENTS

-

---

Theban
09:43 Nov 04 2009

Interesting story.

---

POST COMMENT

I feel so very different lately, not to lament but I have put myself on very destructive pathways in life and recently I feel as though I have the power to change. I ask myself why? Why have some of us been chosen by a higher power to be abused when we were children, to search for love that never comes from the ones that are supposed to care for us the most? I have attempted to conform to the ideals of those around me everyday to no avail because I am different than them. I have beat myself up trying to make people proud of me but at what price have I paid deep down inside? I have always had dark thoughts swirling about in my head constantly and I am guilty of fighting against these thoughts in large part because society has taught me that its wrong. I am allowing myself to believe that maybe society does not have the final say in regards to this subject and intend on pursuing what feels right to ME from now on. Am I different? YES I am, with the direction of people more like myself I believe I will be a better person.

COMMENTS

-

---

Theban
09:43 Nov 04 2009

Dark thoughts...ummm control is a bitch sometimes!

---

POST COMMENT