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~Kiss me once and i will surely melt and die.

Kiss me twice and i will never leave your side.

Dreams come true. ~



I have made mistakes, granted. I dont feel the same way ab out them that most people would assume i should.

I cheated on one of my boyfriends close to the end of our relationship. He so wasn't giving me what i wanted out of a Male and in a relationship, not even sexually. But i was too weak to leave him.

One day i found someone i could talk to for hours, that was the kind of Male i was looking for, and grabbed my "attention" with no difficult at all.

I never thought it through. I just went with the flow, day by day. As it goes, one thing led to another and we kissed. And so on.

I never regretted it. I dont feel bad for it, nor do i feel i should apologise for it.

Of course karam rolled around later on.

I met a male in the US and went to visit him after a short internet fling.

Things were perfect. He was a talker, and a rocker. Tall, strong, masculine. I wanted him. Until things went sour....relativley quickly i may add.

He got odd phone calls, he was never genuine when explaining certaina spects of his life to me. Especially girls. And what he was doing when i wasnt with him.

No i am no over paranoid, or jealous.

Funnily enough the one time we did have the best sex was after i accused home of cheating or seeing a girl he said he was done with.

He was too good at turning the attention around, too good at coming up with stories, but not good enough at lying.

Stupidly, i never found out for sure if he cheated. For all i know it could have just been talking...from 6pm till 1am while i was at his home alone waiting. The cals fro girls, and the voices i heard that said "i love you" could very easily have been my over active imagination.

I left, and never picked up the phone when he tried to call.

The only thing i regret about the whole thing is not finding out for absolute certainty that he was cheating.

he was a good guy, just having fun like i was.

The sex was good, the conversation was good while it lasted.

I saqaw my ex a couple times after i got back from Michigan. I told him about the new guy, not to make him jealous, after all....it took him a day to find some skank from his college to grind with.

We were nevr EVER meant to be together.

Truthfully, my hear still stears towards my best friend Andy, but i know nothing would ever come from that and im over it. We're best friends.

Honestly right now all i want is to get to know people, have alittle fun along the way maybe....but what happens happens.... im not looking for love, nor am i looking for sex.

Just, good conversation.

You need to stop this...

...I would hold affection higher then any star in sight.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardes part.

You are a shadow

All in my mind's eye

Cradled in my sleep by a dream

that never was

and never will be.

I wish to die

entombed by you.

I wish to breathe

my last breath

wrapped up in your evil kiss

Steal my life

I will not give in.

I want to forget

to release and expire

Surrounded by your love

Kill me with your touch.

I shall submit to your evil

Let my soul takes it's leave,

Only when i finally let you take me.

Why would be be created, only do be damned to live within our incomplete selves?

We spend out lives ssearching for someone to love, and to love us. Someone that makes us feel...Cliche as it sounds...complete.

This is why it hurts so much to lose a love, and why it hurts to much to never have one.

I, am a virgin to love, and i feel, as if i will be for a while. Not because i do not want it, nor because it isn't available to me. It is because i cannot allow myself to have it.

I do not feel i deserve it. I do not feel i am ready for it, nor responsible enough for it.

There is a physical, biological need for companionship, obviously. Just like everything else, it has a counter part. They "Spiritual" need. For lack of a better word.





"It's the connection." Matsunome

I fear the attachment.

How could i let this be??

Bad idea...dont go, dont go.

Dont fall.

Those words are not meant for me.