The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

love,

love this,

love that,

how can we love?

so much?

so little?

how can we be in love?

so much?

so little?

what's wrong with me?

i don't even remember why i hate you,

but then i love you,

then hate,

then love,

why soo much pain?

too much pain,

but it feels good,

why does it feel so good?

why do i crave it,

crave it like a girl craves chocolate,

im not the same,

as i used to be,

why did i chage?

how did i change?

is it impossible to love too much?

too little,

is it impossilbe to hate so much?

so little?

what happened to me?

i used to be so quiet,

so shy,

so wraped up in my love,

now im mostly wraped up in my hate,

how did i change,

for what reason?

i know,

i think?

i believe it's all because of a death,

your death?

my death?

no,

my cousin's death,

in 2005, he was riding his bike,

i was at a moive store with my mom,

i saw the ambalnce pass by,

i didn't know who i should have been looking for,

i saw the area where you were hit by the car,

why did i beg my mom to call my grandma,

when it should have been you,

who i begged my mom to call,

it was too late,

you were held by your brother,

bleeding in his arms,

while your life slipped by,

i was watching a moive,

and being happy,

when i knew something was up,

we were unseprateable,

but one only could seprate us,

your death,

i should have been the one to go,

i was in the crash a month before,

i saw the signs,

i got a teddy bear from the ambalnce at my crash,

teddy's name was Benjamin,

your name was Benjamin,

i knew it only after it was too late,

i cried for years,

im still crying for you,

i know i never said it but i loved you,

i know you loved me too,

it was hard for me to go back to school,

we were reading a book that had a death in it,

and that death part was when i came back,

i cried in school,

outside,

inside,

at the store,

at home in my room clutching my legs for support,

i was tired,

didn't understand what my life was worth anymore,

i still don't,

i think no one knows what we're here for,

but, thats why i changed,

now im dark, a cutter, emo/goth, in love with fictional characters, bi, and hating myself,

what happened,

people ask me that all the time,

i don't tell them about you,

because if i think about you i will cry,

and every time i do think of you i die alittle more each time,

now im different,

changed,

i will never be the same.

so whats new with everyone on VR? nothing oh, too bad. theres so much i wana tell VR, but i don't hhave time to explain this pain i feel all the time, the stinging, the blood running from my vein, the hate raging in me, the love shooting out at you, the sadness of losing you so many times, but this time was and is the last time i will lose you! im not gona deal with it anymore, maybe i should just end my life, but i don't because i have a life, a love, a hate, but not you, i want you, so ppl of VR do you have any spells to bring the dead back alive? it's complicated, i know, but i don't think i can stand the pain anymore, so i inflict more, on to myself, by the blade my friend gave to me, or the kitchen knife i stole, what's the piont in life? so help me, if you may, it's okay with me, just don't take away my blade, thats the only thing keeping me sane, from going insane, so just don't take that away, i need it everynight, everyday, all the time, i can't live without it, nor live with it. as i drink this blood that comes from my cuts, i feel great pain, and great happiness, the feeling of wooziness, the lose of blood, is the only thing stableizing me, the taste of my hate of myself, and the color of my eyes when done, the tears flow into the blood, thats when it tastes the best, so just don't take my blade away. please, don't even think of it, just do it, thats what i tell myself, don't think, just do, don't think, just do! what's the point in ife, again? no answer? i have a few reasons why i don't kill myself and end this horrible pain, reason one: im in love with my girlfriend, reason two: i have a mom, that needs me, even when she don't think she does, reason three: my best friend, she don't know the real me and i want her to know before i die, that i love her, reason four: i must pretect my mom from my dad, reason five: i don't have the streigth to do it, reason six: i want people to know how much pain im in before i go, reason seven: im going to save the world, somehow, someday, someway, i will save us all from total damnination! reason eight: im not ready to let go of my pain, i love the pain too much to let it go. so if u people have questions then let me know, i will tell you what my say is, no matter if you want it or not. well, i need to go draw more blood, so good bye, i promise you'll see me again. . . maybe.

COMMENTS

-

---

emovampire15
04:33 Apr 22 2009

o baby i have more pain then u u dont know the reall me u havent even seen me cry steph has

---

POST COMMENT