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Closer and closer to the day that my love comes back to me. Hes been gone since October. I cant wait to see him again. I just hope I dont get lost going to the airport. lol. That would suck. But I'm so excited to see him again. Hes been gone way too long. Only problem is that hes only back for two weeks, then he leaves again and won't be back until October. I love him so much and I can not wait for his return. Until then, I'm patient. And we do talk, everyday we are online together. And we have webcams so we can see eachother, but its just not the same as actually being able to see him in person and be able to touch him and be able to look in his eyes. We use to cuddle for hours and then when he left it was quite an adjustment I had to make. But the important thing is that he was worth the wait and soon I will not be having to wait anymore.

Many times in this past month I have sat down and wondered what am I doing. Sometimes I'm worried about stuff that really make no sense to even be thinking about let along worried about. I find myself mostly just wanting to sit at home when before I would love the idea of being outside. Even my beloved claims that I've been acting different. I use to be so strong, be able to handle anything. Now I've just turned into this worry wort who thinks the worst on every corner. I've even gotten to the point to where I do not find myself attractive anymore. These past few days I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about what exactly I am doing. And I've come to the conclusion that compared to what I use to be, I've come quite a long way and have much to be proud of. But then got confused of why I still feel this way after thinking that. I have a beautiful baby girl, my own apartment, my bills payed, food in the house, what is there to not be happy about? I've been feeling so stressed and after much thinking, I've not a clue what I've been being stressed about. And still, after figuring that out, I still find myself becoming hard to cope with certain things. I do understand that certain things in my life could be better and I am trying my best to make them better, but why stress so hard about something that I'm already doing my best to accomplish? Maybe I just need a few more days to contemplate these things, maybe I need to just shut up and leave it alone and be happy regardless of what I really think and feel. Right now, I'm undecided.