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My bed sucks.

I am no longer comfortable in it by myself,

it squeaks too much and

I've woken up sore and aching the last two days.

My shoulders and neck hurt so bad I'm actually thinking about sleeping on my living room floor...

perhaps that will provide with some kind of comfort.

I don't know why I decided to write about this

other than the fact that I hurt right now and there's not much else to say.

Everyone wanted to know how my weekend was, and of course it was just wonderful.

I have to work this coming Saturday, but I imagine I will get out much earlier than previous Saturdays as I am in no mood to waste part of my weekend working.

I have been craving cold bananas and Reeses.

Time flies when you're not working.

I'd like to make some drinks this weekend, my bartending is quite rusty.

Decided that honestly, I don't give a shit what someone thinks of me, because they don't matter.

Your words are the only ones I believe because they are true and you matter the most to me.

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xxVampiraxx
18:16 Apr 29 2008

This has happened to me as well...

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Sinora
19:02 Apr 29 2008

lol....yea I just got a new mattress....not much different, am now looking for a new body lmao

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An unwanted headache has visited me this weekend due to hunger? I'm just guessing. But seems the only remedy for it is sex......go figure.

Maybe next time your girlfiend says she has a headache, tell her that sex is a cure-all and will fix her right up! I'[m not sure this will work with everyone, but seems to work just fine for me.

~Until Monday~

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captainglobehead
23:51 Apr 26 2008

Didn't expect to see you here until Monday. I am so tempted to ask about your headache treatment and recovery...

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ladygoddessaries
03:49 Apr 27 2008

Oh yes my dear.. it is a cure all for all that ails you. *giggles*

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Sinora
10:43 Apr 27 2008

Meh...I've had a headache for several years lmao

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If not aware, my weekends are dedicated to my hunny, so you won't catch me online until Monday, sorry ^.^

See everyone then!

and have a good safe weekend!

~V~

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Sinora
21:22 Apr 25 2008

*miss ya* x

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It's very popular around here to think girls are stupid, and since I'm the only one here, well, you get the picture. Normally I am above this because I know the truth and don't like wasting time getting mad or arguing against idiots. But today is another story. Not only am I begining to get more and more stressed as we approach the 1st, but it's just eating at me day by day. I don't want to be a bitch, but you know, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and if it causes me my job well fuck the motherfucker, it sucked anyways.



And just a side note of me ranting about my boss:

You stupid-ass motherfucker! You are so god damned lazy and ignorant it makes me sick. You're wife is a cunt and your daughter is a whore, but you knew that already, didn't you? But you're too much of a pussy to ever say shit! You just take it out on the people that work for you, fucking asshole. And lose some damn weight for crying out loud you fucking fat bastard!

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Sinora
17:56 Apr 24 2008

*grins* and runs x

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azreal
18:23 Apr 24 2008

Woah.... 0.0

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captainglobehead
22:41 Apr 24 2008

C'mon, don't sugar coat it. What do you really think?

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Today was a day of boredom and shitty technology. That's all for now.

Oh, and lest I forget, the wonderful typo fairy who has granted all of us a visit.

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Sinora
08:08 Apr 24 2008

Well hell, talk about coincidence...I had a fairy visit me the other day....will write it up soon lol

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Funny, I've asked a handful of people to tell me some good news thinking perhaps it would change my disposition to hear of something positive. These are the responses I got:

"At least you've got your health"

"Things could be worse"

"You're still alive"

"Three days till Friday"

"The boss will be out most of the day"



Sadly, none of these really made me feel any better, in fact, the whole Things could be worse made me feel even more horrible.

I guess it's pretty bad this time that the closest to a smile I've had is when my dog saved me from a wasp this morning.

So really, if you have any actual good news, or even something I may find funny, please let me know, I would love to laugh today.

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cadrewolf
17:15 Apr 22 2008

I am a grandpa, wooho, Did that help

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Vidiana
17:31 Apr 22 2008

Here's a joke that was told to me, actually made me smile:



Q:What did the zero say to the eight?



A:Nice Belt.

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Sinora
20:32 Apr 22 2008

I have not one but two things to tell you.



1. The sun came out to play in the Shires today.



2. You are a beautiful lady and a cool writer. xxx

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Sinora
20:33 Apr 22 2008

ps...sadly I cant tell you that you are a muse....as I am....to the best of my knowledge you have not actually been NAMED in a poem....like what I have *preens*

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Vidiana
21:13 Apr 22 2008

well aren't you special, lol. I'm sure one of these days I will be....perhaps. And thanks for the compliment, it made me smile.

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POST COMMENT

I'm still sleepy, groggy.

My boss is already yelling about shit.

And depression is still sitting inside me.

I hate this feeling. I want it to go away already.

I'm so upset, so sad, so down and so hopeless.

I feel like a waste.

And everything is my fault.

I don't want to be here anymore.





Max saved me from a wasp. I'd like to take him with me, but I don't think I will be able to.

I'm so thirsty! Think I'll run down to the store.



Blah! I've got to get over this.

I know Azzy can cheer me up I just gotta wait till lunch time.



We got a credit card terminal installed. I explained to the man who installed it that I had worked on plenty of them, and yet, he still patronized me as he stood there and told me how to use it. What a jackass.

Why is it that I'm fully aware that looking directly at a welding spot can damage my eyes, anytime I pass one of the guys fixing our fence all I want to do is stare directly at that bright shiny light?

It's like the sun....

So if you read my journal at all, I'm sure you are well aware of a running theme.

Yes, I'm in love.

I have no problem expressing this, and would gladly tell anyone that would listen.

In fact, you don't even have to read my journal to know this, I have it all over my profile as well.

Which is why I don't understand something......

Why is it that I still get messages from guys that want to tell me how pretty or interesting I am, or how they wish I lived near them, etc etc.

They have obviously seen my profile, whether or not they have read my journal.

Funny thing is, as soon as I mention Azreal (which I assume they are already aware that I am in a relationship) their response is always "Oh, yes, I've got a girlfriend as well"

Now either they are lying, or a jerk for trying to hit on another girl.

Either way, it does not reflect well on them.

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Sinora
20:27 Apr 17 2008

They deserve a visit from the short, sharp, smack fairy x

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captainglobehead
22:40 Apr 17 2008

Please don't think me shallow or hitting on you if I happen to mention that Azreal is an incredibly lucky guy. Of course, if everything you say about him is true, you're pretty darned lucky yourself.

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ladygoddessaries
04:16 Apr 18 2008

Thats becuase they are idiots dear~

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POST COMMENT

Wow, I don't want to jinx it, but I feel so good today.

I can't stop smiling.

I know I'm going to see you tomorrow and my heart is already melting.

Today is a good day.

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cadrewolf
18:37 Apr 17 2008

a good day indeed

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Sinora
19:33 Apr 17 2008

Jeez anyone would think ya like the guy lol x

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Vidiana
19:49 Apr 17 2008

Maybe just a bit ;)

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POST COMMENT

You are the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring, respectful, kind, generous, giving, affectionate, loving, angelic, down-to-earth, ambitious, playful, funniest, warmest, deepest, honest, sexiest, trustworthy, dependable, romantic, engaging, interesting, coolest person in the universe.

Sometimes you have to have someone that will grab you by the ankles, pull you back down to earth and slap you around for a bit.

As wonderful as things can seem at times, this is still real life.

I had a hard reminder of that today, and it hurt very badly at first.

But then I remembered who I am and where my place is.

I work hard (at times) I pay my bills, I'm independent as hard as it is sometimes (like when you have to go up a flight of stairs with 30 lbs of groceries) I'm unendingly honest, and unfortunately, I'm very sensitive, especially to those that mean a lot to me. I have to learn to either hide this, or suck it up, lol. That's just how it is, because you can't put your own insecurities on someone else, it's just not fair to them, especially when they treat you right.

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ladygoddessaries
17:36 Apr 16 2008

Indeed I know this feeling~

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Sinora
18:05 Apr 16 2008

Perhaps...I don't know you well enough to agree, I tend to think you may be someone who can sometimes be too hard on themselves....*hugs*

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POST COMMENT

I have not told but two people about this other than my associates at work.

On Sunday night my apartment was broken into.

They picked the lock and I didn't hear him or them come in. I awoke because something did not feel right, or maybe I heard his footsteps.

When I sat up in bed I saw him standing in my doorway. A black figure that I could not make out any details (curse my horrible vision).

I was so scared my breath was caught in my throat. This moment may have only lasted one second because as soon as he saw me wake up he ran, but it felt like an eternity to me.

So many thoughts went through my mind. Was I going to be raped? If I scream, does he have a gun? Is he going to kidnap me and hold me hostage or worse, kill me? Or was he just going to rape me and then kill me?

Needless to say I cried.

I cried that I was safe and sound and nothing had happened to me.

I cried because I was alone.

I was scared and helpless and alone.

I spent the rest of the night curled up in bed with my cell phone, scared.

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Sinora
18:48 Apr 15 2008

*hugs*....get bolts on the door girl...your safe that's all that matters x

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I have so many interests I don't know what to go to school for.

I have so many things I'd like to try or learn I can't decide on my next hobby.

I was told by my best friend that if there were a degree or career for someone who has a good eye for design, creativity, form and aesthetics, that is what I should do.

She's right, I can tell you exactly how to position a room or a graphic or what colors to use and in what amount. I can instruct a model as well as do her make up. I'd love to direct and have a penchant for horror. I can sketch but not well, I can write, but can't get published. I can cook anything you tell me to. I can design well, but have a hard time creating. But what does this all amount to? Where do my talents lead me? Are they useless?

I am the what if girl. I ask this question constantly.

Why? I really don't know.....I have always been curious but what does an imaginary situation matter to me? I guess I like to know so maybe it will help me be prepared for any situation or circumstance that I may encounter.

I am also the 20 questions girl.

I want to know it all. Every detail.

Tell me tell me tell me.

The person who knows this better than anyone will probably not comment on this........

or perhaps he will, who knows :P

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azreal
23:26 Apr 14 2008

Detective Misha.

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POST COMMENT

Comments are quite welcome here.

After reading over my favorite journals, Helix's entry about her portfolio, or lack of one, got me thinking.

I no longer have a portfolio, nor will I put one up, but I am interested in finding out what catches the interest of most journal readers.

I am not going to put up a set list of options for you to pick from, but I would appreciate to hear what subjects everyone is interested in.

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Sinora
23:28 Apr 14 2008

I don't think I'm allowed to say lol

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Vidiana
03:02 Apr 15 2008

Awww hun, of course you are! There are no resctrictions here, so if you like reading about bondage, mutilation, whips, punishment, slavery, hardcore porn, or whatever, it's cool. That's what you like, and that's exactly what I'm asking for.

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captainglobehead
04:40 Apr 15 2008

I like to read people's journals because I learn more about them by reading what they choose to write about than I do by reading what they write about themselves in their profile. It is a glimpse into their personalities.



Kind of like sitting in a coffee shop, people-watching.

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POST COMMENT

I don't feel good at the moment.....

I want to be bitter and callous and curse the world...

But I cannot change the past.....

Especially when I wasn't even in it......

I can only live in the present and look forward to the future.....

I am so tired of crying.....

I am tired of the pain in my heart over mere thoughts...

Thoughts that were never even acted upon or spoke of.......

I know what can ease my pain......

But I will not ask for it........

At this moment I hear your words "No one else matters but you and me"......

Ease my fragile heart and mend this broken psyche, let me lay on you and listen to your heart...

So I feel much better now.

I have confidence that what I am too weak to fix myself, my sweet angel Azreal will fix for me.

I have to remember not to dwell.

I have to try and keep my mental state in check.

I can't wait for this weekend.

Oh, and last night I dreamed about frogs...???

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azreal
17:47 Apr 10 2008

I will have my trusty tool belt ready!

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ladygoddessaries
03:26 Apr 11 2008

Good to hear dear.. and I can only imagine what he is referring too~ *giggles*

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POST COMMENT

I am so insecure right now. I don't know what to do with myself. I think I am sick. It is not a physical ailment that plagues me, but one of the mind. I hate myself for this, I try so hard to sequester this insanity in the dark regions of my mind so it may never find it's way out, but it does. I fought with this on Tuesday night and after a short while, I easily won. But last night was so different, perhaps it is not me or my relationship, or even those around me, perhaps it is something impending.....an event yet to happen that makes my heart cry in pain and leaves me to lie in bed, tears streaming from my eyes in what seems like never ending rivers of sorrow. I know all the things that run through my mind, but are these truly the source? Or is this lament spontaneous, and ends up being the source for these thoughts? I don't know the answer to this. All I know is that I am on the verge of asking for help because I want to be able to have a happy and healthy relationship, and this disease of the mind, I'm afraid, will push him away from me and that is the last thing I would ever ever ever want.



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Edit 04/16/08

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Today was a clear example of how I had let this "disease" almost ruin me and/or us. Thank god I have you to be understanding and to point it out to me when it gets too far.

I went outside for a smoke.

As I stood, smoking my cigarette,

tiny raindrops began to softly pelt my skin

and I thought about that tiny balconey you used to have

and when you kissed me there

while it rained

and I was warm with you

and content as I never have been before.

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azreal
18:42 Apr 09 2008

You considered that a balcony? lol

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Vidiana
01:37 Apr 10 2008

It just sounded better than small-metal-grate-with-railing-so-you-don't-fall-off, lol!

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POST COMMENT

I just wanted to say that today my ego has gotten the biggest boost in a really long time due to some very flattering comments.

Thank you to all my readers and friends that have been kind enough to let me know what you think.

I will be sure not to dissapoint with my next entry which will more than likely be up by tomorrow.

~Regards~

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Sinora
19:18 Apr 08 2008

*sits outside the door and waits* ...x

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POST COMMENT

I just have to say that today is a beautiful day.

The weather is slightly cool and the breeze is just lovely.

If it weren't for Max wanting to put his feet on my feet, or lick my toes, I'd be in heaven :)

I'm so excited about this weekend too!

And Madylyn's baby has been really good, he sat there and just stared and smiled at me while I talked to him.

The only complaint I have right now is that I'm hungry.



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Note to self: Stop talking about how great everything is or how excited you are for the weekend, it only serves to jinx yourself. ^.-



Blah!

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Angelus
15:58 Apr 05 2008

Have a marvellous weekend.

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POST COMMENT

I guess it's in my head....

but I feel so horrible I just want to stab myself in the eye with a pair of scissors.

I can't even write...

can't even think of words....

i give up, think i'll go home and try to sleep this off.

My time is not measured in small increments called seconds, and larger ones called minutes and even larger ones called hours, and even larger ones called, well you get the point here.

It is measured in occupying activities.

Playing online.

Writing in my journal.

Driving to wherever.

Working.

Texting.

Talking.

Daydreaming.

Sleeping.

Eating.

Guitar Hero.

DDR.

Smoking.

I could supply an endless list of activities I take part in on at least a weekly basis. Most on a daily basis. And yet it still isn't enough. I feel stuck, like I'm repeating a pattern and I can't stop myself. I need a new creative outlet or I'm going to go insane. Jewelry, glass etching, poetry, stories, incense, body scrubs, sketching, I need more. I need to learn something new. I'm dying for it! I need to put my little impulsive wheels in motion again.

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azreal
19:27 Apr 01 2008

Write a novel. =)

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