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I am amazed at how far I have come. Losing 60 pounds isn't easy, but it is a battle worth facing. If I can do it, anyone can. I am half way there to my goal. It feels good to not be overly uncomfortable anymore, but I am still... uncomfortable. As my body changes, I realize it will be scarred forever from my excessive weight gain due to depression and denial. My skin will be loose, I will be covered in stretch marks. These are the flaws that will keep me from ever allowing a person into my life. I will forever be bound to the shame my skin keeps me in. I know nobody on VR cares about my weight problems, but this, to me, is a safe place for myself to tell someone, anyone willing to listen, about what is on my mind. Because the people in my real life, just don't listen. They smile and nod and move on. Nothing.
Ugh... I feel SO good after going to the gym every day, but then... I shower and see my body and all of the flaws I will still have. I HATE being trapped in this body.
I am not doing this for anyone but myself, because I want to be healthy... I want to live a long healthy life... but the depression and low self-esteem attached to my scars, will often be hard to handle.
One day, I will learn to "love the skin I am in" but that day just isn't today.
some would say your eyes and smile is worth being around
i understand you are uncomfortable with the scars of your body
however scars of any kind means you have survived and lived to tell it's tale.
16:41 Mar 20 2018 Times Read: 242
A little Tuesday motivation for you all. What do you want in life?
I have become slightly addicted to motivational videos the past couple of months. My mind is often in a very dark place, and for the most part, there is no reason for it. These videos really help snap me out of my self-loathing/self-pity, and depression.
Thank you both so much! I have two other tattoos, but they are nothing special. I am working on getting a full sleeve done on this arm, will be going to the same artist for the entire thing. So stay tuned for more pics in a couple of months! :)
02:46 Mar 19 2018 Times Read: 294
I really don't have much of an outlet anywhere. This is the only place I feel safe where I can talk about how I am feeling, and not have to worry about being judged by the people in my life. I tried writing in a private/personal journal, but I realize that for some reason, I have to tell people how I feel or I don't fully let go of what is bringing me down. So, I apologize in advance for sometimes sad or depressing posts that are bound to happen as I learn to accept myself for my flaws and move past the things that keep bringing me down.
Right now, I am feeling the pain of not being good enough for people my age. For some reason, at 27, it seems impossible to find someone close to my age willing to treat me how I want to be treated. People keep dragging my feelings through the dirt and it is really starting to wear on me. I feel so unworthy, like I just am not good enough. Like I will never be good enough. I am trying to work on myself, so I can be better. I have lost 25 pounds since December and I intend to keep going. I just want to be good enough... and right now I just feel like I never will be. :(
I do not know you nor your life. But if you are trying to better yourself, its best to make sure its for yourself only. The right ones wont mind who you are. One never knows what the future holds. I am basically in the same boat, and I mainly stay to myself on here these days. Rarely come out of the shadows so to speak. do not think you are not good enough for someone, because in many cases -personal lessons learned- the ones that think such things are usually the ones that are worth it and are indeed good enough. I do hope that you find what you are searching for.
I am bettering myself for my confidence. I really have very low self esteem. Thank you so much for taking the time to say all that you did. I really do appreciate it so much.
I am sure that you will be able to do so. And I am sure that your self esteem will grow. You are very welcome. I am just glad that my words may help in some way.
COMMENTS
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TheSleepKing
13:12 Mar 23 2018
some would say your eyes and smile is worth being around
i understand you are uncomfortable with the scars of your body
however scars of any kind means you have survived and lived to tell it's tale.