The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

today i just feel lost. woke up with nothin in my chest but heavyness. the room was cold, too quiet. i stared at the ceilin cracks for a long time, like maybe they’d show me a way out, but they dont lead anywhere. i couldn’t even find the energy to move at first.

i went outside anyway, even tho i didnt have nowhere to go. walked with my hands deep in my pockets, head down. the lights felt too bright, like they belonged to someone elses world. i saw ppl laughin, couples holdin hands, groups talkin loud. i wanted to feel what they feel but it’s like there’s glass between us. i smiled once, or tried to, but it felt wrong, fake.

when i came back home i just sat by the window. the glass was cold on my face. i wrote my name on the fog with my breath but it ran down an disappeared. guess i do the same. there was a moth on the sill beatin its wings over n over tryin to get out. i kept watchin it, thinkin i know how that feels.

spilled coffee on my shirt n just left it there. someone knocked at my door but i couldn’t open it. i didnt have words. phone buzzed twice, msgs full of little jokes an plans i couldnt follow. i dont know how to be part of that world anymore.

the dark don’t scare me, it just sits with me like a heavy friend i cant get rid of. sometimes i tell it secrets, but it never answers back. i try to remember good things, like rain smellin on warm ground, or songs that once made me feel alive, but today even those memories feel too far away.

the hours passed n i dont remember half of them. jus me, jus breathin, jus emptyness.