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I have never felt so sexually frustrated before. The guy I am with is wanting to take things slow which I do not mind, but I am suffering here.

Almost every night I am having dreams with sexual content. I hope he makes a move soon here. I do not want to be the one who makes the first move because that is not very lady like in my opinion.

I will have to deal with the sexual frustration until then. I have survived this long so what is another month or two.

Ive been really sick for the past 4 days. Went to see the doctor and they did some tests. Hopefully its just a flu and not beaver fever (from drinking dirty river, pond or well water). I missed a day of hair school which is not good at all. I will have to make up the day later in the 9 months. I hope I am no longer sick tomorrow so I can go to school and see what I missed yesterday and get my books.

Hair school is going well. We have learned how to part the hair and put in rollers. I am not so good at putting the rollers in, but I will get better in time.

School is keeping me very busy and giving me very little time to go on Vampire Rave. I will come on as much as I can.

Tomorrow I am starting hair dressing school! I am so nervous and feeling sick to my stomach to be starting a new chapter in my life. I know all will go well and fine. I just get nervous before starting something new.

I cannot wait to start this new chapter of my life! It will be nice to finally be learning about something I am interested in and love to do. Hair is a passion of mine and am happy I have the opportunity to learn about it and do it for a career.

It always helps when you have a job that you love and are passionate about. I hope I get along decently with my teacher and classmates. I am sure I will have an amazing time.

Seems a hot shower and a good night sleep was all I needed to feel better. I astrally slept beside P last night. It was very comforting being beside him.

I kept waking myself up during the night by talking in my sleep though. I hate how I wake myself up during the night by shouting things. I cant even remember what I say during the night when I wake up.

This morning I sit in my room watching Netflix and chatting with people here on Vampire Rave. I am waiting for P to respond to a picture I texted him. He is at work so his response will be delayed im sure.

Tomorrow I start Hair dressing school! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I wonder what we will be doing the first day. I am excited to get my supply kit with all my stuff in it that I will be using for the 9 months of school. I get scissors, hair dryer, hair straightner, curling iron and more! I paid 2,000 for the kit so it better be good!

Tonight I am feeling anxious, on edge and lonesome. I am feeling self destructive and bored as well. This is never a good combination for me. I often do stupid things when I feel like this and regret it later.

I dont know what to do. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I hate feeling this way. I want the feeling to go away!

I want to crawl into a hole and die. I dont want to be here when I feel this way. I have had no appetite for food until now. I am feeling so hungry now. I dont think I am really hungry, probably just feeling bored or am thirsty.

I dont want to tell P how I feel because I dont want to seem like a clingy mess of a woman. I know I am and dont need him knowing that I am a mess.

I am on medication and it helps with the crying fits and social anxiety but the anxiety that comes at night time is still present. I dont know what to do.

I just want to scream and rip my flesh off of my bones.

Can someone help me?

Well today I wore my septum piercing down for the first time in 3 years of having it in front of my father. He was not pleased at all. His words were "Awwww why would you do that? Its so gross looking." Wow dad...

I wish my parents were more accepting of who I am and what I do in life. They are not approving of my hair, or my tattoos, or of my piercings. They also do not approve of who I date.

Seems the only thing they approve of is me attending hair dressing school. Oh well, life goes on. I am glad to have P in my life. He accepts everything about me and doesnt judge me.

Well I have finally put together my profile and portfolio the way I want them to be. Took me a couple of days but it is done!

I have found a mentorship and am posting in the forums as much as I can. I have posted in enough for today though. I have done so much typing my eyes are beginning to get tired from staring at the computer screen. My poor eyeballs!

I have gotten to know a few people through messaging and hope to get to know more people. Have only had one drama/attention seeker message me so far which is nice! I am so used to being bombarded with attention seeking messages.

Now to relax and try to get my level up to 20 so I can join a coven that I am interested in here on the site.

I am wanting to be with him more and more. I am hungry for his attention and affection. I am wanting to be in his presence so badly.

I'm not normally so clingy, I don't know what is wrong with me. Oh well, it is what it is. My boy and I have two dates planned for next week now. I am excited to see him.

I am feeling lonesome tonight. I am in need of a hug or some kind of physical contact, which is odd because I usually hate hugs and other skin on skin contact.

I really miss the guy I have been seeing. We have planned to go on a date Wednesday. I am really excited to see him again and talk with him. He is my emotional rock. I am such an emotional wreck a lot of the time. I have large mood swings and they are quite exhausting.

I want to hug him and feel his warmth against my skin and hear the beating of his heart, the blood flowing through his veins.

I am happy he knows and accepts that I am a vampire, therian and wiccan. Not many people accept those things. He was raised in a pagan house hold so he knows quite a lot. I am glad I found him and didnt give up on the online dating site.

Online dating is a wonderful thing. I have met very interesting men from that site. A few of which were quite pathetic beings. They were scared to the point where they rambled on about how much they missed their exgirl friends. If you miss her so much why are you dating me?

Any ways, I am done rambling for now.

Done camping for the week. I am feeling refreshed and energized once again. Nature is my home that is for sure. I saw a bear and two owls and many deer on my trip. I am now at the cabin with my parents and brother. I missed the man I have been dating and am happy to be within cellphone reception so I can text him again. He is such a sweet heart and he accepts every thing about me. He can be a little strong with his words but I am the same way. I cannot wait for my next date with him. He and I have a lot in common. I hope we become more serious when the time is right. I get a long with him so well its awesome.

That is all for now.

Today I am feeling drained and tired. I need to feed but sadly do not have a blood donor at this time. I can feed psychically but that does not satisfy me and the energy from that does not last me very long. I am a damn energy vacuum. One day I hope to have a steady blood donor. They are so hard to come by though and I dont have much time to spare to look for one.

Well today we are supposed to head back out to the woods and go fishing at the lake. I cannot wait to take the dirt bike out and go crazy in the mud. It shall be a lot of fun! Until then I shall sleep and get as rested as possible.

COMMENTS

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lusting4blood
17:48 Jul 02 2014

i know what you mean my donor moved away about 2 weeks ago so i've had to go to the butcher for pigs blood

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Well, today was pretty nice. I went ATVing and fishing with my father. I really enjoy doing things with my father. I am a daddys girl for sure.

Tomorrow we plan on going to the lake. I hope to take my dirt bike this time instead of the ATV. I havent been able to ride my dirt bike yet this year.

I was looking for a site like this so I went on google and searched for vampire forums and this one came up. I hope this site is for me. I have been looking for a new place to chat for awhile now.

We will see...